MOHAMMAD SAMI!!!
(I SHALL NOT BE SILENCED!)
Following are the reasons the entire GupShup community and Pakistan ki poori qaum wants…BEGS…for MOHAMMAD SAMI to be the captain of Pakistan cricket. Below is the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth: (Pardhnay sey pehley chashma pehan lein)
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Mohammad Sami is the hottest thing to hit the planet earth since…I refuse to remember! Not only in Pakistan cricket but amongst the entire population of Lollywood, he is an incredibly ~hawt~ commodity! (Garam garam, jaisey taway ka peecha hissa). Burt Reynolds and Arnold Schwarzenegger don’t hold a candle to him! I, Dhobi Bhai, have placed my entire stock of life insurance in his pile of profound and unscattered love (New York Life Insurance - if any of you are wondering), wishing that one day, ONE DAY, he will be featured in a high-profile HIT Pakistani film (alongwith Resham), which will immediately be sold-out for weeks to come, where Mohammad Sami will fulfill the role of a HERO! A HERO! Since his day of his birth, qaum has undoubtely found unlimited valid reasons to trusts his skills (none), his qualifications (Matric-Pass) and his credibility (zero). So do I. End of story!
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What has constituted a favorite past-time nowadays? I will tell you. Poori qaum is busy reading those injury scare articles in morning papers, news that is filled with (Shan) masalas and chutneys. I can only imagine the amount of self-satisfaction and complacency when the abaadi will get to read this entire article, dedicated to my bhatija Sami. Laddy-Pairay, laddu-pairay!
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Mohammad Sami is…** ahem … galaa saaf **…SO HAWT~ I mean, when you look at him from a distance (and a very far distance, at that), what is the first word that comes to your mind? *Mera to dil chahta hai kay mein…mein…mein naa…mein naa, woh…woh…
- Grabs the garaibaan of Mohammad Sami *
UMMMMMM-MAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH
- Baraa sa supersized chumma **
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The burning question that has been on the minds of many khawateen - what is the rank of Mohammad Sami in the squad? I am telling you right now, note it down in your daily dairies/journals (or wherever you have chosen to hide your personal secrets on the net). If there was no Mohammad Sami, there would have been no cricket. Mohammad Sami is the epitome of success, a sypnosis of bright fluorescent lights and the abridgment of the future. CRICKET WOULD HAVE DIED WITHOUT HIM! Without Mohammad Sami, there would have been no reverse-swing. Without Mohammad Sami, there would have been no rays of sunlight. Without Mohammad Sami, the moon would have chosen to remain hidden behind those dark shadows of clouds. Without Mohammad Sami, there would be no life present on earth. Every living species living on this planet is connected to Mohammad Sami. The chimpanzees that you see in the zoo hanging from one tree to another…yes, they are all blood relatives of Mohammad Sami. Turtles, Octopuses, those stinking 8-legged creatures with them claw thingies and hideous faces with their dentures falling apart…yes, in one way or the other, they can be tracked back to Mohammad Sami. The solar system that we see today - do you think those planets geographically revolve around the sun without first asking for permission? Wrong answer! Those planets revolve around Mohammad Sami! Is there was no Mohammad Sami, the earth would shattered itself into millions of tiny little pieces, the ozone layer would have melted a long time ago and we would still be living in the Ice Age. Mohammad Sami is the key (chaabi) to eternity. *Aasmaan *phat jaaye ya zameen nigal jaaye.
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Zulfein - Oh baby, baby, baby! (I don’t have any, but) Are you kidding me? Mohammad Sami is always the center of attention in the media. Never mind his bubble (bulbula) burst against West Indies a few years ago, every household in Pakistan now knows Mohammad Sami. You ask, what is the major topic at dinner tables, coffee houses, internet cafes, parks and parliament these days? I will tell you. It is these ghani zulfein. It “defines”, “refines” and “combines” (and anything that comes under “ines”) Mohammad Sami. All the naujawaan nasal has already thrown in their collective hats in the buckets, with the response being that there is no better hairstyle in Pakistan right now than that of Mohammad Sami’s. Everywhere you go, all the hajjaam ki dukaans, they have portraits…I kid you not…they have 8x11 framed portraits of Mohammad Sami inside their barber shops hanging from the walls alongside the mirrors. When they return home in the evenings after a long and tired day at work, they get pleasure of watching that same portrait in their backyard and inside of their kitchens. Why kitchens, you ask? Rumor on the street is that their nikammi biwian have refused to cook food for them if they don’t see Mohammad Sami’s picture hanging from the stove cabinets! Can you imagine the popularity stretched to an unimaginable proportions?
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There is no word in the dictionary that even comes close to defining the traits and qualities of this young fast bowler who is about to hit his prime (onto an incoming train). I tell you, none of the terms used in those Oxford dictionaries by third-world editors describe the larger-than-life personality of Mohammad Sami. Therefore, I will not use an adjective, since it would degrade (or upgrade, depending upon how you look at it) his personality to the level understood by none. Mohammad Sami shall not be silenced! He has fans all over the world. MIGOD! The goris living in those modern and high-shy fancy countries have such a crush on him that they practically have mailed him dozens of love letters, but Mohammad Sami simply has not budged. He will continue to produce, produce and produce more for Pakistan. One day, I tell you, one day, the production from his delivery truck will be so huge that there will be no need for our agricultural society to get up in the early hours of the night.
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Mohammad Sami, shall, one day, be a prime factor in reducing the debt of our country. President Musharraf has been caught red-handed quoting that he predicts the revenue growth will triple in the next five years, all because of one man and one man only - Mohammad Sami (Source = An unknown PCB Official).
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Mohammad Sami has been barged over and over again with rishtay-wali aunties with statements such as “Puttar teri umar nikal jaye gee”, but he has placed his priorities on cricket, and will continue to do so in the future. He has his mind set on watching the untamed videos of his past success from which he is planning to combine it with the future of his (artificial) intelligence in order to recapture Nishaan-e-Haider from his descendant Inspector Rao Iftikhar (Can they be, like, co-holders?) This, my friends, is what you call, history in the making. This, right here, is where it all starts…again! Isn’t this generation proud of this man? Oh, ho ho ho, I bet you are! * Pinches cheek *
Anyone who dares even question the legality of MOHAMMAD SAMI as a captain shall first be blinded, beaten, prisoned, sexually harassed, assaulted and then will be eventually killed by automatic kalashnikov in the process. As of today (Sunday, July 9th, 2006), I am officially demanding that PCB should hand in the prized key, a key, which, upon using, Mohammad Sami can walk in as the captain of Pakistan and prepare a one-way ticket for Aloo to go back to Multan! No If’s, no (Salman) Butt’s, and no tu ta. Give me Mohammad Sami, or face a life sentence. We will be instant World Champions. YES, YES, BY GOD ALMIGHTY YES! WE WILL BE THE UNCROWNED CHAMPIONS OF THIS WORLD! GIVE IT TO ME…GIVE IT TO ME RIGHT NOW! OH, YES, YES, AMMI JEE YES! HAND THOSE KEYS OF CAPTAINSHIP, AND WATCH GALLONS OF HONEYS OF MILKY RIVERS FLOW UPSTREAM LIKE A SOUTHERN CALIFORNIAN LILY ON A BEAUTIFUL BEDSIDE SUNDAY MORNING!
- Retires from GupShup *
