Desi youth want the best of both worlds. I have seen several examples of how aspects of different cultures apply at any given time based on the situation and what is beneficial. We want to be independent, yet unwilling to give up on the comforts of a traditional Pakistani family life.
For instance… the American/European rules apply when it comes to social activities or style. If any objections are raised by the parents, the response just informs them how backwards they are or this is how things are done in USA/Canada/Europe/Australia etc. etc. These are the same folks who want their folks to buy new cars for them, pay for their college and trips, and are living at home i.e. fully dependent on the parents.
Its imperative that we respect our parents concerns. Too many times I have seen people just blast their folks right in front of me, and it just makes me wonder..it just seems strange how some folks can mistreat someone who has done so much for them. Admittedly, one may never see eye to eye with the parental units, but there are different ways of handling issues.
Simply stated, take your pick…either let them do the desi thing i.e. provide all financial support and help that they can and at the same time learn to deal with some of the nagging, understand and respect that they grew up in circumstances very different from your own and as tough and backwards as they may seem to you, by their standards they are letting you do countless things that they could not imagine to do when they were your age.
Second choice is, have your freedom , do what you want to do, be answerable to no one and do your own thing…be as western as you wish and as independent as you can. A part of this would be to be to get your own pad, pay your own bills, and quit hounding the folks for hand outs.
Two examples that I have seen… one girl about to turn 30 has constantly been putting her folks down for being too paki or too backwards and not with the times, without any concern for their feelings, and on top of that without any concern for who all was around to witness this. Surprising that her folks paid all her tuition and funded all her trips. To a point that even now she hit them up for money for a trip to Pakistan. Another example is a guy who can not handle any questions from his folks about his progress his exams or schools… whereas by flunking out of 2 programs he has given them ample reason to question him about his progress in his newest academic venture that they are funding. On top of that they are paying his credit cards and all other expenses. These things just blow my mind.
Its comical… arguing with your parents what you can not wear and then buying it…using the money they gave you. Or arguing with your folks that even though your academics suck you would rather go out and party… drive in the car that they paid for..and spend entertainment money that they gave you. Maaaaan.. these desi parents are victims.
We want the freedom and independence without much of the personal responsibility that comes with it. I am all for personal freedom and independence, and although parents should try to be accommodating and flexible… in my view if the young adults in the household have that sort of behaviour and attitude, just kick them out and say hey… its the western way.. now go support yourself and do what you want.
I dont really know if the greater responsibility of these situation rests with the kids or the parents. Did the parents just spoil the kids and now are unable to control them or are the kids just trying to get the best of both worlds?