We live in a culture where at times the mother is made to feel guilty if she doesnt allow her in laws the opportunity to name the child.
Is that selfish of the parents or the in laws?
Have you felt that way?
For our first son my husband and I chose the name and got it ‘approved’ by my father in law so he could feel he had the final say so…
Anyhow since my son has been born they have another name in mind for the next boy that is born from amongst ‘us’ daughter in laws… And the name is the same as what my sister has named her son, but they were saying it doesn’t matter she is married into a totally different family… STILL MY SISTER AND my NEPHEW!
My sister knew I was keen on that name and she even rang me from hospital to ask if it was okay to keep that name and I said yes of course, it’s for anyone’s kismet.
Now I am pregnant and in laws don’t know yet, all I can think is if it is a boy I know I will feel guilty if I don’t let them keep that same name they have chosen for a boy.
And if it is a girl then I will decide…hehehe lol
I have two names picked out!
It's the parents' right ONLY. I don't know why in our culture inlaws think they have so many rights, aa jaatay haiN mooN uThaa kay.
With us, my parents didn't try to tell us what to name our daughter, but they kept asking what we were GOING to name her so that they could approve, we refused to tell anyone what name we had planned, we just said we weren't sure yet.
my grandad named me, he didnt like the name my parents picked out for me. normally i would find this annoying and wouldve told mum and dad that its not his job to name me but theirs yadi yaaa, but THE NAME MY PARENTS PICKED FOR ME WAS ermmm not as nice as the name my dada picked so quite frankly high five to my dada for saving me from being bullied at school...woohohoho
It's actually really stupid of them to want to name your child the same as his own first cousin! How unreasonable.
It's the parents who have final say. I think it's nice to get suggestions from others. We've even vetoed names we were considering if our parents or siblings had strong reactions against them. BUT if we really love a name, no one is going to keep us from naming that child. They wouldn't try, thankfully.
It's the parents' right.
We'll be open to suggestions but hopefully will have the final say.
My husband's parents already have loads of grandkids so I know they will not be fussing about it and so will be the case with my parents.
So far its a tie between my favorite name and one chosen by the husband.Lets see what we end up with,Inshallah.
:)
LOL....of course the parents should get to name their child......however....most times our grandparents overruled our parents and named us so they want to name our kids......
Parents should have a right but getting suggestion is not that bad. One does not have to be rigid unless of course someone has already finalized the name, there there is no need for even suggestions.
In our elder son’s case, my parents in fact sided with my wife and voted for the name she suggested instead of the one that I suggested but scores were leveled after years as everyone liked the name that I suggested for our younger baby girl
I'm Alhamdulillah pregnant in my 6'th month and my MIL is really annoying. Before I got pregnant from right after the shadi she started saying that when u get a boy we will name him Abu-Bakar. This will be her first grandchild.
She has even started telling people around her that we will call the child by this name if it's a boy. She is quite sure it is a boy. Due to my MIL's attitude I'm not excited for the birth of my first child at all. Not the way I should be. I'm sure my hubby will agree with his mother so I have never mentioned the topic of choosing a name. To be honest I hope I get a girl as I will then name the baby myself.
I really don't wan't to name my child Abu-Bakar. No offence, but no...not my child.
I'm Alhamdulillah pregnant in my 6'th month and my MIL is really annoying. Before I got pregnant from right after the shadi she started saying that when u get a boy we will name him Abu-Bakar. This will be her first grandchild.
She has even started telling people around her that we will call the child by this name if it's a boy. She is quite sure it is a boy. Due to my MIL's attitude I'm not excited for the birth of my first child at all. Not the way I should be. I'm sure my hubby will agree with his mother so I have never mentioned the topic of choosing a name. To be honest I hope I get a girl as I will then name the baby myself.
I really don't wan't to name my child Abu-Bakar. No offence, but no...not my child.
Abu Bakr is not a proper name I think. Unless your husband's name is Bakr.
ask your hubby jaan to break the news to MIL that this is a very respected name of a sahaabi and out of respect you would not like to name your child this name.
If she insists, then name your child what you want and have her call him that until she passes away.
Parents & only parents. Other only have the right to "suggest".
What about "gurti"? Has anyone faced problems with who feeds the sweet stuff to the child. As they say the baby gets traits of the person who gives "gurti" to him or her.
My dadi loved the name "Farhat" for some reason, but did not give any of her five daughters that name. Multiple granddaughters have that as their first name but very few of us even knew that until recently! They are known by their middle names. Also, my mother has the same name as another bahu, so my dadi always called her "Farhat" instead.
I guess if you can't get around it directly, there are other ways to control the issue by giving your ow middle name. In the end you are the one calling the child the most and introducing him/her the most. Hopefully you can control how s/he will be known.
Bekk - I do recommend talking to your husband about this.
may i ask why? a mother is the one who gives birth but she doesnt/can't reach to that part alone so ya :P.
I think mom n father shud come up with options unless they really like a name and then sit down with the family and take a vote or jst come with a name that everyone likes :) Familes aisey hi banti hai doston :)
We live in a culture where at times the mother is made to feel guilty if she doesnt allow her in laws the opportunity to name the child.
Is that selfish of the parents or the in laws?
Have you felt that way?
For our first son my husband and I chose the name and got it 'approved' by my father in law so he could feel he had the final say so....
Anyhow since my son has been born they have another name in mind for the next boy that is born from amongst 'us' daughter in laws..... And the name is the same as what my sister has named her son, but they were saying it doesn't matter she is married into a totally different family.... STILL MY SISTER AND my NEPHEW!
My sister knew I was keen on that name and she even rang me from hospital to ask if it was okay to keep that name and I said yes of course, it's for anyone's kismet.
Now I am pregnant and in laws don't know yet, all I can think is if it is a boy I know I will feel guilty if I don't let them keep that same name they have chosen for a boy.
And if it is a girl then I will decide...hehehe lol
I have two names picked out!
Take care
Do u like the name yr in laws have selected for the baby?
Do u see any other reason other than their really liking that name for which they would stress on it?
Honestly, if you are ok with the name then i dont think it being yr nephew's name is such a problem. If you dont like the name then there is a problem :)
***I think its the MOM’s right first and foremost !
Yes Dad gets a say but cannot overrule if Mom has her heart set on a name.
Having said that I find it extremely annoying when in laws poke their noses in something like this. Its ok to suggest a name but to INSIST that it should be kept is pushing it.
My sister recently delivered a baby girl and she decided on the name Jennah which me and my other sisters loved. Her Mom in law insists on Bakhtawar and we all hate that name. She has had such a tough time from them that even now after 3 months called me up and asked me to come up with another name cause her in laws refuse to call the baby Jennah and she refuses to accept Bakhtwar.
Its a tug of war over something that was supposed to be a happy occasion
If the parents decide to “allow” you to pick a name thats fine but to insist is ridiculous. Our culture needs an overhaul
oh boy do i hate this or what!!!!!! esp if ur MIL has told u even before ur preg (so that u have it in mind or whtever) that all my children were names by some khala, phoppo etc and not by the couple!!! its ridiculous. i hate it so mch. i dun want my baby to have a name he/she got some grandfather/mothr. they can suggest but they shudnt make the final decision. somehow they make u feel guilty if u even dream of makin a decision alone. in my quest to b a perfect bahu so that the other bahu and i are not compared, i m under pressure to listen to them also. i m willin to listen i jst hope theydun freakin thrust it on us... considerin my hubs who wudnt have the guts to say NO to a name if they are particularly excited abt some silly name!
Thanks for the replies, I think if I have a girl then inshallah I will name the baby with my husbands agreement.
And if I have a boy I will probably keep the same name as my nephew and the one I want, I suppose over the longterm we will end up calling the child one name. I do like the name but I already have a name I wanted.
I think life is about comprimise and Allah swt likes people who meet people in the middle to keep the peace.
But I do agree ultimately its the parents choice. And slowly we are coming away from these traditions.
I have learnt no matter how much one does for the in laws it is never appreciated in this world anyway, but this isn't our final destination so good deeds aren't lost.
and voted for the name she suggested instead of the one that I suggested but scores were leveled after years as everyone liked the name that I suggested for our younger baby girl
