This may be better suited as a blog as most of this is me complaining, but I do have a question in the end, so here it goes. I was born in and grew up in Canada. I have friends from all over/all cultural backgrounds, including white Canadians and South Asians.
A trend I have noticed among some (definitely not all) the Muslim south Asian men I have known is this tendency to go for “white girls” (as they call them), dating them, having physical relations with them, and then leaving them…for someone South Asian- very often someone who is back “home”. These guys are not necessarily honest about their intentions from the start and what happens if that these women they date actually develop feelings for them and then get their hearts broken.
The whole thing pisses me off, it is shameful behavior and it is embarrassing to be honest.
I am not speaking about those who happen to have actual relationships with good intentions and it just does not work out. I speak of those men who know from the start that they will only be there very temporarily and are not honest about it…very often for the sake of being with a “white girl”. That is the worst part…I have heard so many men talk about their girlfriends as “my white girl”. Do you really suffer from such an inferiority complex that you need to do so? Does being with a white women really make you feel better? I know that if I dated a white man and he addressed me as his “brown girl”, I would think he has an issue. And Do you think these women, when talking about you, say things like “my brown man”?..nope, they do not.
All this to say that all women have feelings. Just because westerners are brought up to date as opposed to getting married right away does not mean that they do not feel something for you. **If you cannot deal/understand such a concept, then do not take part. **
Just an observation I had, as it has happened a few times in either my group of friends or other ppl I know.
Couple of guys I know and spoke to, they have pics plastered over Facebook all over with their so called 'white girlfriends'. And whenever we spoke about marriage and stuff, he talked about marrying a Muslim virgin and whatnot from back home or here. As for the seriousness of his relationship with girlfriend, he told me its just for fun and he always wanted to try different girls and he went on to tell me and other about the detail of their relationship and how 'freaky' she is in bed ... and at that point I was like bye bye
I don't get why landing a white girl is seen as accomplishment. To be honest, in a sea of girls, white girls are the easiest. Try dating any asian - korean/jap or a brown girl. But all the paki I have seen who are dating caucasian girl - they are not as pretty, don't have good jobs and only have GED. I still have to see a Paki guy landing a beautiful, educated chick. I am pretty sure they won't go for them
^If the girls aren't pretty or educated usually the guys aren't all that themselves either, in terms of looks or other "qualities" (such as job & financial success)..
Dating a white girl = Being able to brag to his buddies about his adventures in bed. Guys like the ones OP described aren’t after the best looking faces and aren’t interested in what’s between a girl’s ears.
I guess it's a remnant of being owned by the British. Just like we all want a "gora" complexion, and we spend ridiculous amounts of money on making the skin more fair, these guys also enjoy boasting about their "gori" girlfriend or wife.
No, some of them actually marry these white girls, which is fine if you feel a real connection with that person. But frankly, most of the guys I know who married non-desis, it was because they thought going after a brown girl is just beneath them.
Like they NEVER gave desi girls a proper chance, because they thought they're too good to marry a desi girl. As if getting a white wife makes you an alpha male...which means you value white girls more than brown girls...which means you see women by their skin color, not their personality/values.
this is a trend in my community too. their pics are plastered pretty openly on fb and their families know what they're up to. it's sickening
That's the part I don't get - they're so brazen, that they're openly showing they're dating and having physical relationships before marriages. Meanwhile if a girl does the same thing, everyone will start gossiping like there is no tomorrow.
Interesting. The other day my African room mate mentioned how she loved that in Pakistani culture, guys dating and having physical relationships before marriage is looked down upon just as much as it is for girls. And how it is very biased in Arab culture where it is pretty normal for guys to have physical relationship before marriage. I didn't know what to say since I come from a VERY small Pakistani community but I guess it seems like we are not that much different from Arab culture after all. That's just sad that Pakistani guys are doing this so openly without any criticism yet if a girl ever did that, all hell would break lose.
I don't believe that this type of behavior is as rampant in pakistanis as in arabs. There are only couple of guys like that I know among all Pakistanis whereas its pretty common in arabs. One of the arab girl back in college told me about this and how they still have the 4 wives thing going on
It is upsetting, true, but don't be embarrassed. How is this any different than a white guy or a black guy doing the same? We don't see whites or blacks holding collective guilt over it. We, as Muslims, seem to do this a lot. Anyone among us does something bad, we all feel guilty, and think we need to either defend or differentiate. The fact is, it takes all kinds to make up a community.
It is upsetting, true, but don't be embarrassed. How is this any different than a white guy or a black guy doing the same? We don't see whites or blacks holding collective guilt over it. We, as Muslims, seem to do this a lot. Anyone among us does something bad, we all feel guilty, and think we need to either defend or differentiate. The fact is, it takes all kinds to make up a community.
I think it is the mainly collectivist culture of East vs individualist culture of West which are the reason.
I mean white guys also boast to their friends about their activities. Indian guys regardless of religion do this as well. I wonder if people who act like this being a minority ever think how their actions will later affect them or their communities.
I can completely understand and sympathise where Nina is coming from. It is very embarrassing to be honest when you hear from a friend they were dating an Indian or Pakistani guy who they like and are in love with. Only to later find out they dumped them to marry a desi girl or someone from back home. As a minority you can't help but apologise for these actions as you don't want it to reflect badly on you.
Then there are some guys who dump a brown girl because she won't do these activities only to later leave a white girl and find the appropriate desi girl when it comes time for marriage. This happened to a friend and I feel like maybe there should be something done about this. Maybe a name and shame page for people with these double standards as "what will people say"/online humiliation is the only thing that gets to them.
you spoil and pamper your boys, and go all ninja on the girls with all kinds of restrictions, what do you expect? either allow your girls the same freedom as boys, or cage the boys as much as the girls.
Men has been exploiting women since ages. Not brown but all of us did. No point filtering out brown men. I can tell you 10 names that white men use for their side pieces .
