we all know of at least one child who just cant behave and the parents seem to not care about it! Most of us here dont want to become that one parent.. but whats the magic?
I have a 1 year old and he totally understands the “no” and when mommy is upset with his behavior! He doesnt udnerstand the consequences of “no” though! He doesnt remember the “no” for next time! How do you stay consistent without saying no too much? we distract him from the scene as much as possible but sometimes its like is there anything else that I should be trying? for example, he wants to brush his teeth using our brush and not his baby brush.. the firs time his dad give in after he cried, he thought its perfectly okay not to us ethe baby tooth brush and that if he cried, we will give it to him!later, We have distracted him a few times and now he asks for the adult brush but will be okay with baby brush because he knows he isnt getting it.. but why ask? thats what I am trying to understand.. is he testing our patience by asking for it hoping we may give in someday? did we do it wrong?
share your ideas and suggestions on raising a child who isnt spoiled or bratty as some kids are!
Genie had a habit of taking midget’s stuff and crawl off with it. Mr tall started to give her time outs in her crib. She got the idea. We say a firm no or a smack on the handfor touching the tv etc…and then it’s time out.
A tanrum over the brush … Keep saying no, brush his teeth even if he fights it… And let ure body language be strict. Get him to the room and no sweet talk. Will take a few tries before he realizes it upsets u if he asks for the brush.
It sounds advanced but it isn’t.
You just really have to pick ire battles in which case u use the awful word “no”. Otherwise distract as much as u can. You r on the right track IMO
zimzima. I just received in this my weekly email from babycenter and it looked interesting!
Khawa.. do you give the time out when genie is crying? I am sooo afraid of him crying that I never let it get that far.. if he cries for something, I take him away and distract.. putting him in the crib as in time out will just make him cry more.. nahin? yes he did throw away the brush once and I told him that he wasnt going to brush his teeth himself (I let him put it in his mouth after we are done brushing him so he can get used to doing it himself later) and if and when he cries, I take that privilege away from him but I dont think he gets it.. do they?
Oh and no back and forth on the “no”. If u say it, mean it. I’f he starts crying, finish off his brushing and out the washroom
Midget knows mom will not hear any whining nor crying. U wanna cry, go to use room and come out when u can speak about it.
Ofcourse your son is way too young for the vocal part of it…but use basic words..that’s how we started… Whenever a whine session started or crying with a tantrum, midget was placed in his room. Only 2 words were said to him. Chup and " Rona".
When he was allowed to come out, he was told “Khush.”
Slolwy he learned that crying meant no hug and room time.
Again…sounds advanced..but it isn’t. It really isnt.
Gtg: this is a toughie. Be happy your son can’t come here and read this a child can feel the parents vibes. If they get the idea they own u, that’s it. U have to be really strong over this.
I let them both cry their lungs out. And midget had reflux so he would throw up but I didn’t give in. Midget was very smart and he learned fast. Genie is badmash…she learned eventually…but she used to do filmi crying with the duhai…hehe.
What I DID start doing was… Go in after a few seconds and calm em down. Explain. No he won’t understand all the words.. But with repetition, he will. he is 1 so a 1 min time out is enough. But I’d start off with 30 seconds. Soon u can give a full blown time out. And yes…expect lots of crying initially.
The harder they cried…the more I’d say koi Ba’ath nahi, rolo. Again…aariz learned its not getting him anywhere…genie took a few more tries.
As for the brushing, get the deed done either way. With his brush. He doesn’t need a time out for this … Not getting his ma or pa’s brush is the “punishment”. He will eventually learn that there is no use asking for it.
im in the same boat GTG!
she was into destroying my laptop.
and I have been using pretty much what khawa said. just plain NO when she misbehaves. This does lead to crying and foot stamping (I have no idea HOW or WHERE she picked that up … sigh) but NO stays NO.
its hard though .. i hate hate hate it when she cries with her pathetic little face … but .. a misbehaving, put of control, ziddi child is worse.
but dont fret … its a daily daily daily struggle with something she wants/wants to do but shouldnt have/do.
Children asking questions (even if its for the 50th time) is a sign of intelligence, no? You yourself said he understands “no”. If he asks again (whether its in the hopes that you will change your mind or just confirming what he thinks to be true) you can simply re-inforce the no with a solid reason. “You can’t use mommy’s toothbrush because its too big for your mouth”, or “because yours is so much more colorful”, or any other reason. Essentially, you can allow him to use his own logic to figure out why its much better for him to use his own toothbrush. Punishing him for asking these little questions will just make him afraid to express his interest or ask questions about other things in the future.
Mind you, this is from a mother whose kid runs around the entire house with three toothbrushes in hand (his, mama’s, and dad’s) so don’t take any advice I give too seriously.
Oh dear you’re being too tough. So what if he asks?? As long as he is ok with using his brush and not throwing a tantrum over using yours, it’s all good no? Kids will ask and ask and ask because that’s what kids do. They test your patience. They test your limits. He is too teeny tiny to understand that a no today means a no tomorrow. The fact that he’s ok using his brush shows you’ve done a great job in conveying to him that he needs to use his own brush and not mommy’s.
My daughter isn’t one yet but she constantly throws tantrums too. If she doesn’t get what she wants she screams bloody murder. She is also a terrible sleeper and hates sitting in her car seat. I’m waiting till she turns one and then I’ll be very firm with her about her tantrums. I gave myself a deadline of one year after which I’ll bring out the disciplinarian in me!
this is so timely! mine is 17 months old and he’s just started throwing tantrums, well, not so much tantrums in the screaming sense but if he doesn’t want to eat, he’ll try to push the plate off the highchair. if he’s done with his water bottle, he lobs it across the room. he’s just discovered the stairwell so now he’s started throwing anything he can get his hands on, down the stairs. i keep saying no, we don’t do this, this is not right, but like you i’m not sure if its getting through to him. i don’t want him to hear “no” all the time from me and become immune to it. its so overwhelming at times. he’s a good kid otherwise mA, curious playful happy, but kabhi kabhi shaitaan charta hai and then its like i don’t even know if its the same kid i’m dealing with! lately, my strategy is to tire him out. we go for walks, to the park, in the mall- wherever. he has space to run around and let it all out so when he comes home he’s calmer.
^ OMG thats like, dream baby right there!! drop everything and put him to sleep, woman!! you’ll be able to get so much more done in the quiet while he’s sleeping!
I think he wants our brush because his is white and ours is purple n blue…probably I should get him a colorful toothbrush if color is what he wants!
Honestly I m not tough, I can’t see him crying so I don’t even let him cry, which means I mostly distract him with something interesting instead of addressing the situation right there and then.. he is a very calm, happy child otherwise so I feel bad if I ever make him cry!
nancy.. please dont let him cry for basics like sleep.. leave everything that you are doing when its time for his food or sleep! We, parents, often try to do things that fit in our time schedule, babies dont have that so they dont understand.. I havent folded laundry in 3 weeks but no regrets, he is going to grow up too fast for me.. I feel like our desi children become clingy, rotay dhotay bachay because we dont give them enough attention, we dont respect their time.. I usually have to make a concious effort to tend to my baby because sometimes in my head its like why doesnt he understand!!!
a child can feel the parents vibes. If they get the idea they own u, that’s it. U have to be really strong over this.
but I didn’t give in. Midget was very smart and he learned fast. Genie is badmash…she learned eventually…but she used to do filmi crying with the duhai…hehe.
