Where to draw the line?

Lifestyle Relationships
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I was recently involved in a case of domestic violence - I got involved accidentally so didn’t have any info until after police had been there. Anyways, listening to this lady after the operation, a question kept popping up in my head, how much is too much for a desi female? Should one walk out of her house (with police for the lack of other better options) because of mental torture? How seriously do we generally take the family history of domestic violence and / or mental torture? If its a joint family system, is a drunk father/brother in-law or husband ignored? BS like, ‘you can just leave me anytime, I don’t care’. Or ‘our son could get a much better match’? PIL taking over the kids so that your job is merely to produce them - You never get to see their first step. Promising your daughter off on the day of her birth. etc etc.

I’m not the judge, and its not my life but aren’t a lot of females living like this? What is the most appropriate thing to do, when talking doesn’t work? When mental torture is just part of life for the family you’re living with?

For males, how would react/feel if your wife left you with your kids, especially if she’d been trying to get your support for years and you’d been prioritizing your job(s) over her?

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Re: Where to draw the line?

Saba, the following news appeared in yesterday’s Dawn. The situation is so ef’d up in some parts of the country that it is amazing that there hasn’t been a revolution to take control of one’s own lives (or civil war for that matter). Here is a summary of event. Lahore Police won the marathon, a bunch of village idiots rapped MukhtaraN Mai, Mushy stops the victim from leaving the country, while the culprits roam free. The only option left is to get rid of corrupt imported system that does not work and open up society where everyone has equal rights. Muslims, non-Muslim, men, women, gays, wahabis, hookers, etc., etc. If someone tramples over people’s right under the pretense of Islam should be shot on the ass, and sent to Saudi Arabia.

http://dawn.com/2005/07/03/nat11.htm

PESHAWAR, July 2: Many neurotic patients who recover at the Mental Hospital after getting treatment experience a relapse as their relatives and family members never turn up to take them home, doctors and psychiatrists at the hospital said. Nasreen, 25, a frail patient, was brought to the hospital several times since June, 2004. It has been more than three months since her 60-year-old husband, a resident of Sakha Kote last visited her and she is waiting for him to take her home.

“My husband lured me with gifts and brought me here. He also gave me a little money. I have not seen him since,” Nasreen told Dawn at the female ward of the Mental Hospital housed in an old building next to the Central Prison, Peshawar.

Nasreen, wife of Abdul Karim, said that she was married at the age of 15. Her in-laws and husband used to beat her over small domestic tiffs. Nasreen’s parents are dead and her two married sisters never visited her.

“My husband has left me here and my family doesn’t even enquire about me,” she lamented.

The record at the hospital revealed that its medical superintendent had even once officially requested the SHO of Mardan police station to help in the handing over of Nasreen to her relatives. No one from the family showed up to receive her after repeated requests by the hospital.

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Re: Where to draw the line?

Madhanee, MukhtaraN mai is just one out of hundreds. I've just returned from Pak, and have heard so many stories one of which is worse that this case and happened so close to where I'm from. Musharaf doesn't stand a chance as local ppl 'support' this kind of violence. If he talks about enlightened moderation ppl amongst us are up in arms against him. Government approves funds for all sorts of development and nothing happens, because ppl on grass root level don't bother. Blaming Musharaf is way to easy - We both know anything is possible in the name of Islam and hatred for America.

Gay culture is topping, cable is airing all sorts of BS, local ppl control it 100%, it's so free that we weren't allowed to have it, yet ppl don't want to realize that its happening in Pak and that ppl living there should take charge. Government has limited resources, the moral watchdogs who have made it a habit of barking at anything that moves, should be teaching better morals instead of screaming their heads of with random thoughts. Either that or the armed forces should step in here as well, an idea I don't support.

A totally off topic thing, teacher's salary is increasing, which is a wonderful step and fits perfectly well with Azizs ambition of a more educated nation. Just felt like sharing.

Samajh Dekh Man Meet Piyarva
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Re: Where to draw the line?

15% increase instead of 40% promised (100% due, owing to accumulated inflation over the years since last pay increase) devoured by a single decision of pushing up oil prices two days ago. Perfectly fits in Aziz’s ambition!

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Re: Where to draw the line?

If he talks about enlightened moderation ppl amongst us are up in arms against him. Government approves funds for all sorts of development and nothing happens, because ppl on grass root level don't bother. Blaming Musharaf is way to easy - We both know anything is possible in the name of Islam and hatred for America.

Amen.

45 ThiNgSsss
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Re: Where to draw the line?

ZW, how much do you pay in tax? How much do you save per year (in bank)? How much is invested in Pak annually? Oil prices have jumped all over the world, Government can only control it so much, that too if they have a healthy reserve, which they of obvious reasons can't have. 15% is way better than what they are used to, and since this area is in focus, insha Allah it will get better.

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Re: Where to draw the line?

wb sabah, its been a while since u've been around :)

nobody should have to suffer an abusive relationship. many times the only way to demonstrate the worth of a relationship to a man is to end it.

----> TimePass
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Re: Where to draw the line?

my wife leaves ... she better understand , once she steped out the door is shut !!!!! though i'd never let that happen :) inshAllah

and yea .. govt is trying way beyond its resources to keep the budget low .. blaiming is much easier then working it ownself !!!
p.s: every one know how shops were empty during tax survey days !!!