when your father turns old

Lifestyle Relationships
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and retires. When he needs money, do you tell him “you denied me falaan falaan toys, you spent so much money on him (other sibling), now I am not going to give you some”???

I couldn’t believe my ears when I heard someone I know say this to his dad. I am still shocked. I only saw something like this in a movie where this guy (shown as mentally sick) told his dad something similar. The guy I am talking about, seems all so nice and normal.

Irrespective of what our religion tells us regarding our parents, what do you guys think? What is the ‘responsibility’ of us as children towards our parents when they are old and are in so much need of your help (physically as well as economically)? I just would like to keep ‘religion’ aspect out of it because I already know about it and am a believer in it, but would like to learn about it from other aspect as well.

So whats your take on it?

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Re: when your father turns old

Simple. You look after them the same way they looked after you from the day you were born.

The only thing I have seen is that some parents become difficult when they get older cause they can be stubborn and don't like asking for help or getting help from others, especially if they have been independent themselves their whole lives ...they tend to have a lot of pride. You just have to ignore these things and their remarks, if they make any, and help them every way you can, be it emotionally, financially or physically.

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Re: when your father turns old

what the hell? are u kidding? thats a messed up thing to say .....

desi kids are investments....esp. guys, where the parents treat them with laad pyaar and expect support in from them in their old age. thats how our system works.
and regardless of how bad my parents treated me in the past, or how bad i treated them (shouting at each other for e.g, pressuring kids into doing stuff that favors them) there is still an attachment and love for them that is larger than these small incidents. the only friends that have always stood by me no matter how idiotic i've acted are my parents....this despite my never ending arguments with mom and dad over stuff we dont agree on. so the same applies to when they get older. u stand by them no matter what.

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Re: when your father turns old

I understand the whole look after them how they looked after you. However, what would one do if thier parents gave them nothing but abuse? Emotional, physical, verbal, you name it, the child/ren recieved it. There are parents in the world who refuse/cannot care, protect and love thier children even when they have the means to do so. Are these children still responsible for thier parents? Religious I have heard yes, socially, I'v also heard yes, as the children must become the "bigger person" so to speak.

I think it becomes easier to understand once the children are parents themselves. It's rare to see a parent who can understand the child's point of view and vice versa. The good thing here is that the parents were once children and the children will one day become parents. Learning curve and all.

The dynamics of the parent/child relationship seems so simple, yet not so.

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Re: when your father turns old

Might be a pompous or pretentious talk. Some people have short tempers and say things that they feel sorry for later. Did he acknowledge his fault?

About the topic. No, our parents do not derserve this kind of behavior. Every boy/girl in someway hate or dislike their parents at some point of their lives. What do we know? There is nothing worst than anyone who diserspects his/her parents. That person does not deserve any esteem - atleast from me.

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Re: when your father turns old

Mehnaz: I understand that, and its because of the "dignity", but if a parent asks you money for a need then you are required to fulfil their need. As children, we are supposed to know their needs too. Some people think that all they (parents) need is food and shelter and no other expenses/support needed.

Shweet: I am not kidding, I was shocked too when I came to hear that. In old age, parents switch the 'guardian' or 'care taker' mode to 'need care', so when we were in 'need care' mode our parents do as much as possible.

MissMohabbat: You are right there are parents of almost all sorts, parents who abuse their children verbally, physically and what not. The guy and parents in question are very normal, no abuse, lenient, no physical punishments, no verbal abuse.

MWP: I haven't heard any such 'sorry for what I said' yet, may be he did but couldn't gather enough courage to admit it and say sorry. The guy in question was kind of a failure himself, after grade 9 his academic scores went down, couldn't pass the darn his "professional" exam in 3 times. His father spent a lot on his tuition when he was student but for some reason he overlooks all that.

I lost any respect I had for that guy, if I were his siblings I would've shown him exit door or something like that.

Most of us take our parents for granted, we don't think what they've done is an awesome 'qurbani', how much patience, time, efforts, support, training they have used in our rearing. We think "all parents do that", "they are parents, its their responsibility", but when our responsibility of taking care of them shows up some people shy away saying "he didn't do his job well".

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Re: when your father turns old

^ Well I do think it is a parent’s responsibility to take care of their children, to fulfill their needs and wants (to an extent) and whatnot.. You don’t get married (or at least you shouldn’t :halo: ) without thinking of children, of having them, how ull support them, and wat teh consequences will be (if ur unmarried).. Yeah my parents made some mistakes and i’ve been angry wiht them a million times, but no way will i ever think of putting them in a nursing home, or totally disregard the years, money, emotion and sacrifices in makin me who i am.. However, I despise parents who treat their kids like dirt, belittle them, force them into situations like marriage and whatnot, abuse them etc.. in that latter scenario, it’s hard to tell what to do :frowning:

Share you unordinary wishes...
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Re: when your father turns old

^ again, I'm talking about normal parents who support their kids, provide emotional, economical other support as needed and no abuse involved.

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Re: when your father turns old

Well then,all i can say is thsoe kids whose parents did everything for them but they still bring in petty differences will get what they deserve, either their own kids will abandon them and treat them like dirt, or they'll get it in the afterlife..

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Re: when your father turns old

i think this guy was high ....
i mean its one thing to say "i cant give u money cuz u never supported me when i needed it" thats how an adult would put it i guess...but its another to say" im not giving u money cuz u didnt buy me falaan falaan toy!"

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Re: when your father turns old

I'm speechless. That's a terrible way to treat one's parents.

I know a woman who's in her forties and is divorced. Her mother comes to stay with her every once in a while because she worries that her daughter is lonely. However the daughter is harsh with her mother and disrespects her even in front of company. To me, her professional success and everything else is moot when she doesn't even have the manners and sense to treat her parents right. Her mother's confided in mine with tears in her eyes, praying that her daughter would get remarried and settle down and be happy. What a shame to cause such a mother to shed tears :(

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Re: when your father turns old

Nothing but insanity can justify that kind of behaviour. At least that's what I believe.....because for most people, by the time they have to look after their parents, they are parents themselves and have some understanding of what mom and dad went through. If they still behave in this rude fashion, then there has got to be a light bulb fused upstairs.

Having said that, I have recently heard of a mother that has kicked her son out for marrying a girl that he loves and when he insisted on returning to visit her, she yelled many things at them both including: "You should be grateful to me......I am the one that gave you those legs that you are standing upon.....etc, etc." (Note: This is loosely translated from urdu)

How can a mother say that?

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Re: when your father turns old

this type of behavior is utter disrespect and juvenile, to say the least. what our parents don't or cannot provide for us...should make us stronger and more appreciative of our own abilities-not resent them.
though these rishta stories are a discussion of their own.

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Re: when your father turns old

Ghussey main, thats why Ghussa is haram. I bet she would have been thinking about her son later on. Mother always pray for the children, no matter what!

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Re: when your father turns old

Straightforward and touching quote i heard from some movie i can't remember:

*He helped you take your first step, will you help him take his last?
*
really got me thinking, wow, we can never repay our parents for what they've done for us. Things they did for us when we were young, which we can't even remember, but will realize when we have children of our own.

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Re: when your father turns old

No i will cetainly not say that to my father! That's a horrible thing to say, and not meaning to generalise here but, mostly non-asians kids do that kinda stuff to their parents, of course not all. And well, i think as Pakistanis, our religion is gona affect our thinking in this issue. But definately agree with those here that r saying it is our responsibilty to help our parents, in every way possible. It's the least we can do, and comes from love and respect.

Nice quote waqi06.

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Re: when your father turns old

Horrible, insane terrible thing to say but what is it that has caused it. What made him say such insane things? What made him such a mean person or at least towards his father?

Seems the guy obvious took all those incidents to heart. It seems he felt being treated unjustly and is venting or getting even.

Not a justification but rather just trying to be objective. Perhaps the father should also have realized how deeply such incidents were affecting the kid.

MehnzQ said
You look after them the same way they looked after you from the day you were born.

I would say
You consciously or incautiously end up looking after them the same way they looked after you from the day you were born.

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Re: when your father turns old

Ofcourse. My dad keeps saying that I would always be his ‘daughter’ no matter how I try to prove otherwise. He has never accepted any help from me. Always refused. He just hugs me tight and gives me alot of blessings. Well, he gives me something so valueable in return of nothing.

Aint I blessed? I feel like the richest person on earth knowing that he send out his special prayers to me.