When you dial a Mental Hospital…
RING…RING…
Welcome to the Psychiatric Ward.
*If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
*If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2.
*If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
*If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.
*If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
*If you are manic-depressive, it doesn’t matter which number you press. No one will answer.
*If you are delusional and occasionally hallucinate, please be aware that the thing you are holding on the side of your head is alive and about to bite off your ear.