got another dilemma .. cant find a thread for it but if someone knws where this is posted please share …i dont feel i find the info specific to my situation.
so - “When do you hand over your gifts to your in laws?”
like on the nikkah - i was planning that mom gives my fiance his ring but nothing else
then on the reception we give all the rest of the gifts like the joras and the gold to the mother in law and bhabi and sister in law etc etc but i feel its not cool to overload them with gifts at the spot at PC … ?
Should we send gift boxes to their house and just give out the gold gifts at the reception .. or do we do all of this on the mehndi …? or what?
please keep in mind im having two main functions - a mehndi and a reception which is a combined barat n valima. Nikkah is in our lawns between just families.
What is seen is that all the gifts like joras , other things are handed over to the in laws over mehndi .. so they are not over loaded with all the gift boxes on the wedding day .. but gifts like gold is handed over at Barat and there would usually be some photographer capturing all the gifts that are handed over at wedding day as evidence.
personally i think the gifts such as gold etc should be handed over in discreation between the 2 families, 1) to avoid nazar and 2) to avoid showing off.... :D
Good advise ladies .. my mum and mum in law really take care of the nazar thing ..
apparently cuz of nazar i was vomiting for 15 days and lost 3 kgs :o … mum did the mirchi thing and there was no smell? and gave sadqa? dono but yea … been better … and then i find people rolling their eyes to such a concept.
I think you or (more likely) your close family/friends should go to the groom's family's house a day or two before the big events start and give the gifts. Something similar should happen with the bari. That's how I have seen it done most often, and I think it works better than doing it at a big reception.
^ thanks what we do. go a day or two before the festivities and drop off the gifts to the family. avoids gifts getting lost or confusion or the whole attention as to who gets what.
^ no. you don't. there is a tradition of that, but it is not a requirement and there is no need to do it. discuss it with your families to determine what is best.
Thanks ladies ... i think the personal idea 1. Cuz there have been situations when things have gotten loss in the hype 2. aunties dont get a chance to you know ....
nnabid no requirement as such .. alotta people give out stuff .. its like favors but its gifts just for the immediate in laws ... no harm in gifts as long as it remains a gesture of giving than obligation.
nope…nazar plays a big role at a time like this…i fell down the stairs and fractured my knee and my hand because of it…people do put nazar on you especially jealous people so sad…be careful!!
personally i think the gifts such as gold etc should be handed over in discreation between the 2 families, 1) to avoid nazar and 2) to avoid showing off.... :D
So there should be no show of putting an engagement ring on? Just wondering.. Personally, I've found that really tacky and refuse to do that at our engagement party.
^ personally, i feel like rather than living your life not doing things out of the fear of nazar, its best to do what you do, do it nicely and with humility and pray to Allah for protection from nazar. the nazar concept can get out of hand very quickly, and before you know it, you'll be living in a bubble, afraid to do anything.
if you feel the ring exchange is tacky, don't do it. if you feel like its an important part of the engagement, then go for it. but don't let nazar stop you from either decision. read the 4 Quls and Ayat al Kursi, say mash'Allah and insha'Allah, and go about your business.
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we also deliver the bari to the in-laws a couple of days prior to the mehendi. this is also because there might be a mehendi jora and jewellery, or more likely, a valima outfit and jewellery in there, and it gives the bride-to-be a chance to try on her clothes and take care of any last minute alterations. laying out the bari for everyone to come and view is an outdate practice and pretty useless, imho. what the bride and her family receive from the in-laws is between them; no one else needs to be involved!
well i didnt say anything about living life in fear or bubbles blah blah blah....i just said be careful cos its a known thing to happen to pretty brides etc....and even obsession said herself she was sick...inshAllah....if you do things with good intention Allah will protect u....
and someone mentioned the engagement thing, im against it completely because technically there is NO engagement in islam....but desi families are so annoying..what can u do! :/
had to go off topic to answer some of the above....
but back to the topic, i found out that my cousin did the gift thing at the mehndi...they just had gift boxes wrapped up and handed them to whoever vice versa...i think it was more the jora's, clothes etc...
and on a second occasion (another cousin) the gold and slightly bulkier gifts were done on the barat day between the family
hope that helps obsession...let us know what you decide to do :D
I think you should decide with the in-laws what suits you both.
My sister's getting married next week, but her nikkah is a few days before cos we couldn't fit it into the wedding day, so we're going to exchange presents then when it's more private and there's less people. Plus we'll be in the house at that point.
At my brother's wedding last year, we (the groom's side) brought the bride's gift to her mehndi and she brought ours to us the day before the wedding.
So it's just up to how your family best finds it convenient without some random auntie getting offended about 'doing things' properly I spose!
ummm ... well m having my nikkah one day then my mehndi and then a gap then a reception ...
my inclination is for my mother and sister and all to go to their house in the gap and give all the gifts ... tht way we can take the tokras or whatever we wana take to their place too u know the heavy stuff ... theirs guests will be at their place a week in advance so there is no avoiding that and the mehndi morning or the reception morning or the nikkah will be a frenzy anyways .. people will be getting ready or sorting their things out .. i can also do it on the nikkah as its a small affair in our lawn between 50 people but again i think it gives people a chance to yip yap a lot ....... and even maybe take advantage of lesser people present to focus on whats happening like gift exchanges etc.
everyone is dolled up…so everyone looks pretty…thats what i meant..jeez u cant say anything on this forum without people having a go at u…im going to elaborate EVERYTHING i say from now on
To save time and makes things easier for everyone...put all ladies joras/mens shirts in packets with their names labelled and put them all in a hand carry/suit case and hand it over on the mehndi. For gold gifts- its best to be handed on the baraat on stage so pics are captured not for "showing off" but for lasting memory xx
Hi obsession99 ..i ve just entered this forum cz my nikkah is in december n m looking for a maxi dress or frock with churridar in lahore with very meat and elegant work ..u seem to be a alot aware of such places as i have seen can u plz plz plz tell me some shops in lahore with elegant works m not too obsessed for designers but let me know if someone reasonable u know i can pay upto 80k...plz reply soon thank u
sup!!
so sad…be careful!!