to betray, to distance themselves from their once known friends and acquaintances?
what change of hearts, takes place, when this sad and disappointing instinct is followed?
Re: when people feel obligated
Dush, long time no see...good to have you back!
Dushwari,
I consider myself to be a pretty forgiving person. I'm a nice, supportive, and helpful friend. I don't have any selfish agendas of my own in my friendships with others, nor does deliberate hurting of others come naturally to me.
A "friend" of mine might commit several offenses and I will let them go. But eventually it comes to the point where I feel that I can't continue the friendship anymore because my own mental health is suffering at the hands of this so-called "friend's" uncontrollable toxic behavior.
I'm all for resolving issues through peaceful discussion. But I've dealt with people who don't acknowledge your hurt feelings, don't even appreciate the help that you've given them, and have such BAD communication skills that they keep yakking their mouths off and don't even allow you the chance to speak for yourself.
I've dealt with people who expect you to quietly endure their belittling sarcasm and criticism, who take your honest mistakes and paranoidly twist them around into horrid untruths........ but don't have the courage or tolerance to hear other people's concerns about their own harmful behavior.
There comes a point where after giving so many chances, that you realize that the other person is JUST NOT GOING TO CHANGE and JUST DOESN'T CARE ABOUT YOU AS A PERSON. And you have to make a choice. Are you really going to compromise your sanity, your peace of mind, and your health for this person who doesn't even know that basic respect is the fundamental for any relationship?
Once it comes to this point, I just let the other person go. Good-bye, good riddends, sianara!!!!!!!!! I cut off communication with them for good. And in my experience, it's a great decision. And after doing so, you feel a deep sense of peace and relief.....a feeling which you LATER realize was missing during your "friendship" with the other person. Really, it's LIBERATING!!!!!!!
The older I get, i'm beginning to realize that after all the patience in the world, you come to a point where the other person's issue is not worth compromising your health over. Life is too short for that. If it's a member of the family, I would suggest limiting your contact. It its a so called "friend," just break it off completely.
There are times when people may not have valid reasons for distancing themselves from you. Perhaps they think they are superior to you, perhaps they got what they wanted from you and now have no use for u. Perhaps they are jealous of you.
Other times, people have very valid reasons for keeping away from someone.
And in my case.........it all boils down to mutual respect, which is earned before it can be deserved. If the other person can't manage that. Sorry, but you gots to go!
to betray, to distance themselves from their once known friends and acquaintances?
what change of hearts, takes place, when this sad and disappointing instinct is followed?
They must get really really hurt and feel no loyalty in that relationship/ friendship.
when and if certain relatives and freinds start causing you harm and or hurt more than hapiness then it is better in my opinion to distance yourself from them. or even to cut them out totally.
Re: when people feel obligated
good perspectives, everyone. it is a matter that slides between being each to her/his own & back and forth trust-mi rstrust relationing, if you will, with the people who hurt and are insensitive, do so, many times, to where you cannot trust them, anylonger.
what may hurt even more, is the insensitivity with which they do so, disregarding all partnership from before and the kindness and cooperation you gave to them, when they were in actuality so undeserving of it all.
the choices, one makes in relating to people at work, & in personal lives- among friends and family members, all comes down to being consistent and fair.
then, perhaps, getting dissuaded by untrustworthy relations, will not happen.
Re: when people feel obligated
Dushy, a close friend of mine once "betrayed" my trust when I was in college. I was very hurt and thought I'd never forgive her. Many years later, I found out that the truth was far from what really happened. I realized that sometimes making assumptions or relying on one sided feedback can cloud my opinion. She hadn't really betrayed me but miscommunication and impatience on my part led me to believe so. The unfortunate part is that I have never been able to reconcile with her because she and I left off on very bitter grounds and closed the door on each other. Now it's been many years and all of a sudden, this thread reminded of that incident.
to betray, to distance themselves from their once known friends and acquaintances?
what change of hearts, takes place, when this sad and disappointing instinct is followed?
Good topic Dushwari,
Not everyone thinks alike, the problem with good people is they just give give and give, they dont see bad in others even if it's staring at them in the face.
i worked for someone one time and i worked so hard i gave them my all, i was bringing my work home with me working extra hours wid out pay u name it. My boss was very happy wid me and we got along out of work hours too, problem was this next women had a problem with me, and was straight up jealous of me...
she basically stitched me up, and to cut a long story short i was accused of stealing money. I didnt have any proof at the time tht she stitched me up. So i had to pay out of my own pocket the money which was missing.
I could of taken it further, but the problem was me and my boss where so close i saw her as a friend, i just left and never kept in touch with her again.
i just thought to my self i worked for this women for 5 years and i gave her my all, she trusted me like family, and never had a problem wid me ever b4. And this next chick comes along and puts me in the frame with fake proof, and she just believed her like tht. She didnt even look in to it, she saw what was infront of her and made her decision based on tht. I was very angry at the time, I learned not to become too close to people who i worked with, stay professional and stick to the job in hand....
Not everyone see's the world as u do there are nasty people out there who just think of number 1
Re: when people feel obligated
thanks, Niksik and colorful eyes, for sharing incidences which have betrayal implicated in them. betrayal eats away good memories, sincere emotions, and the turn that the state of life experience in that moment take, proves to be the right thing to follow and a sense of taking the higher road ensues... something that makes the decision to close the door, all the more needed.
however, to make peace with past experiences with people, like that is unique as it teaches us, no matter how uncomfortable, such experiences are, that there is a need to uphold the matter of principles, that when in declared friendships, betrayals and untruths, clever schemes and embarrasing delibrate mistakes and then insensitivities take pleace, then the person who is at the receiving end, must take relief in knowing that s/he is not the ones being so low. that is perhaps the best reconciliation of all. you wish the wrong doer well and if you can't, then you do'nt say anything, and walk away.
ending any relationship, at work, in family, with significant other who once had been, is possible only when both sides, especially the side that causes hurt, is able to openly acknowledge her/his short comings and provide with a sound closure.
unilaterally doing away with a collaborative/ trusted relationship which is later on, all of a sudden forsook, is the worst thing anyone can be expected to do. it is almost as violent as physically toturting someone, you once indicated that you care for.
in friendships, it must hurt as friends and significant other status is so delicate to begin with. all non-blood relations, hurt differently, when they are betrayal-based because one does not feel that out of social ethics, some one will come out to be so lowly.
and among family, one does not expect such negative behaviors, as care element is so strongly believed in.
lucky fortunate are people, who have a great social support system. and who do not have negative experiences in their social and interpersonal lives.
Re: when people feel obligated
^ Thanks for sharing. Good points.