When people EXPECT too much from you...

Lifestyle Relationships
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what should some1 do when people in the family keeping keep asking them to do things for them? im a girl and married…but my side of the family sometimes treat me like im their slave…whenever they or my sis-inlaws and bros need anything doing they always come to me…alot of times they put me in such a tight spot…that i cant even say NO…i dont know how to deal with this. …like recently they asked me to do some decorating work in the house for them…cuz their members of the family are either busy or cant do it for some reason…i declined saying im not feeling well…and one of the sisinlaws made a horrible face as to why i said no…then i feel down too…why dont they just get the msg that im not thier slave…how many times do i have to say no/make excuses…and they still keep asking me. …what should i do:(

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Re: When people EXPECT too much from you...

i can totally relate to you...i understand what you mean...mine is on a smaller scale...i think pepople just start to take advantage when u say yes that first time.

the only way to overcome this problem is to say no...just say i am married now and my husband doesnt like th fact you guys always come to me and ask me to do such things...be honest and tell them they are taking you for granted...

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Re: When people EXPECT too much from you...

failing that just keep saying no and that u are busy in their house...they will get the message

4

Re: When people EXPECT too much from you...

Come ón yar they r yr family so why cnt u discuss this with them? let them know how u feel abt this whole issue and sort it out :) i am sure no fam wud do things to hurt each other intentionally maybe there is just some misunderstanding. Dont wait another min n just sort this among yrselves.

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Re: When people EXPECT too much from you...

they are not so understanding....and would get p***** off if i say no

6

Re: When people EXPECT too much from you...

not all families are so understanding....

7

Re: When people EXPECT too much from you...

Move to some other city or country.

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Re: When people EXPECT too much from you...

i think u shud risk them getting a bit annoyed at you

9

Re: When people EXPECT too much from you...

Then let them. They will get over it.

10

Re: When people EXPECT too much from you...

You can't control what others do. You only have control over yourself.

There's nothing wrong with lending a hand for family and friends. Heck, it's a good thing to go out of your way to help out. Allah SWT smiles down upon this type of behavior.

BUT, even Allah tells us that there have to be limits. For example, charity is farz upon us. But only to the point where we can give charity WITHOUT bankrupting ourselves. Namaz and rozas are farz. But if your entire life is spent in the masjid, away from the responsibilities of everyday life, then you're actually NOT being a good Muslim.

This is my point. Help when you can and when it doesn't interfere with your life. And say no when you can't. What will happen most likely (based on your descriptions), is that they will frown and roll their eyes and put you in a tight spot. They will try to guilt you.

Try your hardest not to be "guilt-tripped" into saying yes. It will be hard. We're human and we want everyone to think well of us. But universal popularity is impossible.

What THEY do is up to them. Worry about yourself. Do what you need to do. Once again, it will be hard. But the more you do this, the more practice you'll have and the less difficult it will be. It's like any skill...practice makes perfect. :)