When parents fight in front of kids, what do you do? Intervene when it becomes very harsh or stay quiet and out of the scene.
In my case, my parents were never the best of a couple. They both had the vision of educating kids well whether they could afford it or not and they actually went crazy with it to the extent that i know no one in our social circle or family has. I respect them utmost for it but there are some points & behaviours i tend not to be able to forgive them on and i feel the disrespect within me specially my father.
They have been married for more than 25 years and for almost every day of these years they have hated & fought over each other’s families & blamed them for every wrong. Honestly, both the families are nice. My mother is a very tolerant & quiet person and she has been through hell with her in-laws which we ourselves has seen but my father seems blind to everything. She worked these 25 years to support our family, she put up with the in-laws **** to the extent that 7-8 of our paternal relatives had their deliveries in our city living in our house, had their operations here, had their big diseases like cancer etc here and mum even stayed in the hospital for months, went to work & managed home with kids.She even worked with many of my father’s siblings studying here while living at our place. My father doesn’t seem thankful for the slightest thing. He keeps humiliating her & her family who in fact are a very humble bunch of people. For all these things, although i love him and every one in the house knows he loves me most i seem to be leaving the respect. I have confronted him many times.
All us kids have argued with him and explained to him how he is wrong but he is so confrontational, harsh and rude with her that i cant tolerate it at all. I don’t respect men who don’t respect women specially their wives and this is what is happening in my case too. I feel guilty and bad that he loves me a lot and still i act so aloof and indifferent sometimes. But all this daily domestic abuse is making me so emotionally weak that i keep having break downs, mood swings, terrified moments, complete melt downs even in front of them. After I have a total break down, they all seem to be okay for a few days so that i am not effected but this is useless since it should be fixed for ever. He is no longer in the situation where he can be talked with or reasoned with.. very rare of the things he pin points at my mum and her family are true but most are utterly wrong and concluded from very narrow scope of view. His own family although sweet to us are total whackos and have extreme interference in each other’s house, even ours. I will be getting married soon and it worries me crazy what will happen of my mum later who already has 2 serious illnesses. I am the only person she vents out with and I will be leaving the country, my other siblings are also either out of country or out of city.
At the same time i love him for how he caters to all my needs and goes to all extents for me and i feel guilty for being indifferent to him but i cant help it because i believe his behaviour isn’t correct.