When is it time to divorce?

[NJMasti]

Re: When is it time to divorce?

I believe in trying hard in marriage because you never know when your efforts will hit the right note.

If trying hard is only one sided - then the other is actually taking advantage and making it more miserable since it's only one person "trying hard" to save marriage.

about hitting the right note: Yes in life people try try and try... in the end they believe they hit the right note - but that's the time when one spouse is "sick" and "needy". Only at this time, if the "healthy" spouse shows the utmost care and respect to the sick spouse - then does the sick spouse realize what MARRIAGE was all about. It was about love and care, in sickness, and on death bed :(

why can't people realize before?! :(

[Sweet_face]

Re: When is it time to divorce?

NJMasti... I agree with you completely, a healthy relationship will only work if both parties are willing to try and give their all.. but sometimes, one has to put a bit more effort into their marriage to feel the saving grace . My advice to those people is to be patient and give it some time. It took my friend 5 years to have a bless full marriage after tons of hard work, dedication, and high hopes. As long as your partner is not physically abusive, and your life is not in danger, it's okay to give it some time and stay positive.

[Reha]

Re: When is it time to divorce?

You know its time to leave when your partner starts to feel more like a room mate then a husband or wife.

[Sara516]

Re: When is it time to divorce?

So how man y of you (who are married) actually felt this way.. and how do you differentiate between just being pissy/bad mood vs actually really wanting a divorce?

[njgal]

Re: When is it time to divorce?

^ a pissy bad mood goes away with some time but the feeling that your life will much better with that person NOT in your life - I don't think that feeling goes away.

[NJMasti]

Re: When is it time to divorce?

@Sara516

So how man y of you (who are married) actually felt this way.. and how do you differentiate between just being pissy/bad mood vs actually really wanting a divorce?

pissy/bad mood <======== Just went through that phase on Thursday, Friday and half of Saturday!!!:halo:

I would have loved to walk out.

Oh! the laurels of being married!

Then later Sat evening - really don’t know how and what happened and things changed. We became friends again. :halo:

So I say - if you can become friends again in 48 to 72 hours - then don’t divorce.

I’m hanging on! It’s better being married.

[Gr8Heera]

Re: When is it time to divorce?

@CM

When you find someone better.

What if you don't find someone better? Or do not have himmat to do that.

@tweety_pie

I disagree that 2 individuals should bear it out, and live unhappily together for the sake of the children

I've seen it with my own parents, the only reason they live together is beacuse of me and my siblings, but during this time, all we have ever seen is them arguing and screaming and throwing things at each other constantly, every single day, to the point that my dad actually stays at work for as long as he can, and comes home when we'e all asleep.

No doubt one should not quit at the 1st sign of trouble, couples should try and work it out, but if it just isnt happening and being together is doing more harm to your physical and emotion well being , its better to get divorced

That might be not good for the both parents but might be good for the children.

Allah knows better. What I experience from my parents. My mom did sacrifice for us and yes we got education and my sisters got married. We are stressed over those things but we can't change the past neither can my dad. She sacrificed for us a lot. I'm thankful to Allah and my mom that she sacrificed for us.

But I know now she did a lot for us we can't even imagine. Allah unko qabr aur dauzakh kay azab say bachaay ameen.

Kids no matter what want to live with both parents. At young age they don't understand the whole situation that much or at all. They only want to live with both parents.

Sepration affect them a lot and also the jhagra of parents but they can't conrol. No matter what they want both parents. Most of our desi Main unlike gori main sacrifice for their kids. They Mainaain always put her aside for the sake of her kids.

Khudgharz main sirf apna daikhteen hain buchchon ka naheen sochteen.

Agar sacrifice karteen hain to gr8 reward milay ga Allah kay yahan aur buchchon ka bhi bhala ho jaay ga.

Agar khud gunahgar hoti hain to bayshak chor dena chahyay at the very first place when she find it is not worth living.

Sometimes I think akhir roz e qiyamat sub khudgharz hon gay maan baap buchchon ko aur bachchay maan baap ko naheen pehchanain gay to dunia main kioon naheen. Us din aik aik naik aik doosray say cheen rahay hon gay to dunia main gunah ya/oar larai jhagray say bachnay kay liaay kioon na chor dia jaay.

Buchchon to her haal main stressed hon gay saath rah kar jhagarnay ki soorat main bhi aur alaihdgi ikhtiaar karnay ki soorat main bhi.

[fayax]

Re: When is it time to divorce?

Most of us give it out best to work things out when its the first marriage and there are children from that marriage.

After that first marriage if you get married again, your tolerance to put up with infractions is somewhat lower - and so is your capacity to love. On the flip side your ability to cope with heartache is much higher.

So if at all possible...make the first one work.

[Imani]

Re: When is it time to divorce?

@AnGeL_EyEs

when is a good time? when you have exhausted all options to genuinely try and make the marriage work.

It is a tell tale sign that it's time to call it quits when you have so much anger, hate and resentment towards each other that you wish the worse for the other person. When your fights are no longer behind closed doors and the people around you are effected by it especially the children. When you see your kids frightened little faces and they start to cry each and every time their parents fight. When you become so enraged that you want to bang the other persons head against the wall but you restrain yourself not because you dont want to harm them but because you dont want to go to jail. Last but not least, when you have come to the point where physical violence is the norm in your relationship.

when you go through any of the above.....it's time for a divorce.

p.s staying in a marriage for the sake of the kids is ok to a certain extent I agree with that so long they dont see what is going on. Realistically however kids are very smart...they will see what it going on and they will nvr erase the memories of how terrified they were and they will always remember each and every fight they have witnessed.

Hello!

You are so right here Angel Eyes. It may seem like if you are in any of the above situation, you should actually have been contemplating divorce much earlier. But in reality, a lot of people need to reach the crisis point to help them make the tough decision. Till then they dont call it quits bcos of one or some of these reasons:

1. hope that the spouse will change
2. society pressure
3. for the sake of the kids
4. fear of being alone
5. general comfort in the situation as is rather than the unknown
6. lethargy/inertia...you need someone to actually decide for you
7. you manage to pick yourself up from a fight and convince yourself that its not really that bad...until the next fight

Its a horrible thing to go through...and yet even more horrifying not to go through it if your relationship is really messed up. You will definetly end up messing up your kids.