Okay..usually its pretty obvious what is backbiting (i.e., saying bad tings about someone behind their back), but there are some situations in which that line becomes blurred.
Some believe that if you mention even neutral details such as what line of work someone is in, or where they went to school or what city they live in…ie things that are pretty obvious and not private or a secret, that’s considered backbiting (thus a sin)…
If you mention good or positive things about someone (ex/ I met so and so and they’re such nice people because of whatever reason), to some people thats still considered backbiting (and a sin).
When friends get together, they talk about past experiences and someone may be absent so they mention them and maybe some funny characteristics of theirs…I hardly think thats backbiting.
Whatever my friend would not like me to disclose is considered backbiting, even if it's a good characteristic. Even if I think my friend would** not** mind, it is best to leave it out unless there is clear benefit for everyone (ie. learn from someone's character, story, etc.)
Why is it best to leave it out? Because one thing leads to another especially with the tongue, we might be mentioning something good about our friend but within minutes someone starts backbiting, we all know this happens.... :(
There are situations where "backbiting" is allowed, example when someone has taken away your rights, property,..etc you have the right to tell a judge, police whoever..obviously. Other situations like if someone (muslim or non-muslim) does sins openly and admits it [not his secret sins], we can tell others to warn them about such a person. Just like we can tell students about such bad teachers or about cunning shop keepers..etc
My take is, that it depends on your intention. I know for a fact that human beings need to understand our surroundings and our interactions. And we do that by talking to other people and/or writing about it.
If I heard that so and so did something, that I find disturbing, and I bring it up with a close friend to figure that out, as long as my intention is to figure it out, I don't see an issue. It also depends on who you tell it to. You don't want it to be the gossip queen of the community. I wouldn't trust them with anything, anyway.
If you are talking about it to just talk about it, then you are gossiping. The line there is blurry, so difficult to do. But if you can successfully do that, more power to you.
U know there are sooo many examples in our everyday life.
Let's say you were in a situation with someone (it could really be a million and 1 things) and u use your own example for the purpose of, like, trying to teach someone something. Is that backbiting?
I hate to say something that is ethnically biased but Desis seem to me to be really preoccupied with what is gossip,what is backbiting, who does it when and for what reason...
Gals are gals. No matter what the age, we talk about people. People we know, famous people, people in the news...heck, its ALL gossip. And I see absolutely nothing wrong with it.
The only problem I see is when there is evil or mean-spirited talk that is unsubstantiated and discussed. Otherwise, its all good and stop stressing over what comes naturally.
MO3, by no means gossiping/backbiting is predominantly desi related, the term water cooler talk was coined in the west and boy do ppl really live up to the phrase, its a speed fest for gossip, in and out of office! This culture is obsessed with gossip rags and showbiz 'entertainment' shows which encourage the constant barrage of gossip which then spills over to the real life.
sure no harm in it if indulged in once in a while but when people start thriving on it a daily basis and start talking about other people's lives more than their own, ya theres a problem.
Both are one and the same thing. There is no difference between gossiping or backbiting. You are basically speaking about someone else or someone else's dilemma's without them being there.
MO3, by no means gossiping/backbiting is predominantly desi related, the term water cooler talk was coined in the west and boy do ppl really live up to the phrase, its a speed fest for gossip, in and out of office! This culture is obsessed with gossip rags and showbiz 'entertainment' shows which encourage the constant barrage of gossip which then spills over to the real life.
sure no harm in it if indulged in once in a while but when people start thriving on it a daily basis and start talking about other people's lives more than their own, ya theres a problem.
Patriot, youre right, "gossiping" is an activity that people indulge themselves in the world over.
The thing I was pointing out is that Desis seem to fret over it. Alot. I say indulge and enjoy and downt worry about it!! as long as it isnt mean-spirited.
Patriot, youre right, "gossiping" is an activity that people indulge themselves in the world over.
The thing I was pointing out is that Desis seem to fret over it. Alot. I say indulge and enjoy and downt worry about it!! as long as it isnt mean-spirited.
MO3 - the reason we obsess about the wrongness of backbiting/gossip is that it is a stated sin in the Muslim faith called gheebat. To talk about another behind their back is really tricky since we're trying to figure out whether it can in any instance be permitted or whether it is always forbidden. Ergo my thread on it.
I don't generally quote religious sources, but I remember hearing from the aalims the punishment for gheebat:
*
"…nor let some of you backbite others. Does one of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother? But you abhor it…" (Surah Hujurat 49: 12)*
Since the punishment is so grave, there is a concern about what if any information being shared about another is permissible or not.
Our Beloved Prophet Muhammad Mustafa (S.A.W) cleared this out for us more than 1,400yrs back.
He(S.A.W) said that when you speak (bad about)someone that which you cannot say in front of him and what you are speaking is true, then that is backbiting; and when you speak (bad about)someone that which you cannot say in front of him and what you are saying is not true, then that is slandering.
Allah and His Messenger (S.A.W) know best.
May Allah forgive me if I'm wrong.
If the person would have been there, would you have said the same? And would they have appreciated it? If they wont, dont say it.
If the person would have laughed it off, its not a big deal but you can never be sure so be careful of how you're presenting something.
If the person would have liked what you said about them...say it because you're reinforcing a positive image of them in other peoples' minds. You never know how it may help them in the future. If they are being considered for a rishta, a job, etc.
criticizing other people's lifestyle and making fun of any person behind their back is what I call backbiting. It also indicates that you feel yourself better than those people you are talking about and this is also "gharoor" which is forbidden and unethical.
Now I am having a confusion that what if someone condemns a confirmed rude/unethical behavior/attitude of some other person behind his/her back? would it also be called "backbiting"
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