When is it appropriate to initiate mediation in a marriage?

Lifestyle Relationships
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Or is it ever appropriate?

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Re: When is it appropriate to initiate mediation in a marriage?

in our culture .. family .. esp. parents and elders are always ready for mediation :D

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Re: When is it appropriate to initiate mediation in a marriage?

when things go bad enough that talking things out yourself is not getting anything done...

ever?? well....if people were so rational they wouldn't be in such a mess to begin with......

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Re: When is it appropriate to initiate mediation in a marriage?

So true..

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Re: When is it appropriate to initiate mediation in a marriage?

Most issues can be sorted out by the spouses themselves. But when there is a willingness to sort out a problem but no solutions are working out, an unbiased and experienced mediator can be brought in. Friends and family are great but they will be biased [mostly] and may be emotional and unrealistic.

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Re: When is it appropriate to initiate mediation in a marriage?

when couple asks for. There is no need to be beganey ki shadi main abdullah dewana. Chances are very low that you will be able to mediate if couple is not wanting you too.

and for couples out there, my advise is that "get mediation before you need medication", if you can not solve any issue after trying over and over again, get someone involved.

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Re: When is it appropriate to initiate mediation in a marriage?

Maybe when arguments start to drag over days and weeks and you can no longer communicate effectivley. I feel you should always go to an outsider for mediation, friends and family will always be biased.

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Re: When is it appropriate to initiate mediation in a marriage?

It is appropriate for a 3rd party to initiate mediation in a marriage if:

1) One of the people in the marriage asks for help

2) One of the people in the marriage is being physically or emotionally abused by the other spouse

3) If there are kids in the marriage, if the 3rd party sees that the kids are being negatively effected by the behavior of their parents.

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Re: When is it appropriate to initiate mediation in a marriage?

I don't think its ever good to involve a third party, unless things are TERRIBLY out of control or what not. The best thing is to sit down and sort things out on your own.

I know, easy said than done, unfortunately.

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Re: When is it appropriate to initiate mediation in a marriage?

if needed then a couple should contact their local imam or a marriage counselor. I am not big on bring family and friends in your marriage issues.

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Re: When is it appropriate to initiate mediation in a marriage?

What if one person thinks there are issues and the other does not?

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Re: When is it appropriate to initiate mediation in a marriage?

In my experience mediation was even called when the tea wasn't made right. It's destructive. It only makes the one who does not want mediation loose respect for his/her spouse. When you get married you should realise that you are grown up adults and should not run crying towards mummy and daddy kay haye haye meray sath itna zulm ho gaya , try to solve your problems and if you can't act mature don't get married and destroy someone's life.

and I never thought I would say this but I agree with what Nomi said.

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Re: When is it appropriate to initiate mediation in a marriage?

mian biwi apni problems khud hi solve karain tou zaida behter hai.

lekin agar halaat bohat hi kharaab hon tou woh apne maa baap se consult ker sakte hain. aisi soorat main maa baap se behter koi mashwara nahi de sakta. kyon ke agar kisi aur se mashwara lo (dost, rishtedaar) tou loag baatain banate hain ke unki larai chal rahi hai etc etc-sawal pooch pooch ke bhi dimagh kha jaate hain-(doesnot apply to all though). apne ghar ki laraiyon ki jitni zaida numaish karoge utna hi loag mazay lein ge.

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Re: When is it appropriate to initiate mediation in a marriage?

^ blessed..... mashwara is something different but here the OP is asking when a third part to intervene to solve mian biwiw kay issues. In mashwara no intervention is required. and you are right the best mashwara comes from parents but no body likes that his/her MIL and FIL coming to your room to fight and yell at you and your own spouse gangs up with them. It's a horrible feeling for the one who is alone and who did not know that today will be his/her court hearing.

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Re: When is it appropriate to initiate mediation in a marriage?

i thought reha asked when is it appropriate to get third party's help?...as in when main biwi should get it.

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Re: When is it appropriate to initiate mediation in a marriage?

Before signing of the Nikah nama...

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Re: When is it appropriate to initiate mediation in a marriage?

mediation can be both good and bad. just like too much or too little of anything is not healthy ... same goes with mediation. sometimes it can be a relief that there are parents/elders to sort issues out. like my family-in-law ... nobody intervenes in anything. it's everybody's own masla and they have to sort it out themselves, UNLESS one asks someone's help. but to be honest ... this lack of mediation can also be a little awkward. if there is something happening in the family, and nobody is doing anything about it ... you're just like GOD SOMEONE SORT THIS OUT PLEASE!

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Re: When is it appropriate to initiate mediation in a marriage?

i know how painful it is for u :D