"one has to think why is he or she hitting me, emotionally abusing me and cheating on me"
Irem, what can you possibly do to deserve physical or mental torture? This is very typical victim mentality. I haven't done any research but you should try reading a bit about females who've been abused, a good number of them probably believed they deserved it somehow.
Khair, haven't read rest of the posts yet so no comment on other issues. I didn't really get your question either :o
Waise your understanding of this issue is rather 'filmi' as Who--me said, and as FG said, you wont really get it till you're in the mid of the drama. When do you think ppl should get divorced?
''Is it true that it all boils down to:
How sacred do you hold the idea of marriage to not break that bond?''
You said a lot of things and then this question popped up, it's a bit misplaced.
"And also there is an assumption that two people who are in a marriage do necessarily want the marriage to work. But I guess this is wrong or is it? "
It's a wrong assumption, yes. Two ppl may enter a marriage for a number of reasons, like most desis from Pak etc would marry anything for a visa. You'll have huge expectations gap then. I know it's a stereotype.
"Is it really true that one is happier after the divorce? "
HaiN? There's nothing nice about a divorce. However there's not the added 'imposed' stress and frustrations in your life. Often it's replaced by other things, especially if you have kids, but you get a fresh start.
"Is happiness not a state of mind or is it really the result of circumstances? Maybe one could have convinced themselves that they were indeed happy before the divorce just like they are able to convince themselves afterwards."
Irem your life partner is not your new pair of shoes, you can't just pretend for a long time that your toes aren't hurting. This logic works only if one party is willing to eliminate his/her personality. But then again, it's a matter of preference, some of us like a laid back life style, you don't need to think, have an opinion or goals in life etc. Whereas others are complete individuals, in the sense that in addition to regular household chores they want to see what else life has to offer. Look around and see how many desi families are happy. How many husbands and wives would stick by their spouse without the financial and social threat, or if one of them was deadly ill or had serious financial problems. Our desi ppl don't stay together because 'janaza hi sasural se jana chahiye' they often don't have any other option. Who's going to provide for her, surely not her brothers for an extended period.
"shakes your confidence in yourself"
Any failure in life does this to you, divorce is no exception. It's for you to decide how fast you get back on your feet.
"Can the effort that leads to dealing with the post divorce trauma not be applied towards improving the marital relationship?"
It sure can, and in most cases ppl try whatever they can. In arrange marriages, often more than just two families are involved to sort out things, but you have to decide if its worth the time and your life. You wont be born again in this world, and depression in longer periods does more harm to you physically and mentally than a social ill.
As for staying single, grow up kaki :p If it feels like a task, you're in a wrong relationship.
. Everytime you say that I want to kill myself by sticking a pencil into my brain through my nose.
