So, is there such a thing as being too honest with a friend? Should some things simply not be shared?
Ask her to suck it up!
i think she is being way too sensitive abt it. dont worry i am sure if she is a true friend she will get over it soon. :)
Munni you really need new friends. How about some Arab ones huh??
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Originally posted by Munni: *
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**My friend is known to overanalyze things*, and now I think she didnt like it when I told her that she spends too much time analyzing. (She will stay up till 5AM analyzing things that went on during the day, which I have suggested to her is unhealthy.)
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That's your answer right there.
It's not so much "what you say" than "what you say to who". What will be considered as welcome constructive criticism to one might be an offensive remark to others. So if you know someone, particularly a friend, to exhibit a certain reaction or mannerism to remarks about themselves, adjust the way in which you say it accordingly. Easier said that done yes, and it might take some time to get the gist of customized do's and don't for person to person, but that's the an optimum way to handle it, imo. The main thing is that if it is of real benefit to that person to hear it, then as someone who cares, you should say it, and they should be able to take it.
I agree, constructive criticism should always be a welcome aspect of any friendship. There's no real 'friendship' without being able to help the other, even if it means saying something they might not like. How you're gonna say it will be relative to the individual (for some it's about their appearance, other their habits etc.); but being open and straight-to-the-face is how it should be, going both ways.
personally I can't stand ppl who can't say anything to someone's face if they have a problem, rather will resort to chitter-chatter behind their backs and make mountains out of molehills. Or those weak enough who aren't able to realise that there is a genuine mssg being conveyed to you by a friend or someone who cares (beneath and after the initial blow to your self-esteem/ego such a statement may make; we're all human after all).
I'd rather have a friend who'd tell me how it is up front, then one who'll smile back but hold back for whatever reason and discuss it elsewhere.
Honesty is always the best policy.
First rule of thumb that is unspoken, when having a one on one, never embarass the other in front of other people regardless of the others being friends. This is a trait I’ve seen in desis much too often criticizing the physique of another in front of an audience. You did this in front of her other friends and that too arrogantly? You’re lucky she didn’t say anything back to you in front of them.
Sure its about her looks but obviously she’s got an insecurity which you tackled so honestly in front of everybody. Bravo 
Next time, pull the person aside from the crowd if you have something personal about them to say…
i may not be mcuh help to u in ur case but i know this person who is relatively honest about others, their behaviour as well as appearances and mostly ends up saying harsh comments...she on the contrary, whenever gets criticized she will go hectic and would either not to talk to that person or take revenge by shouting and humiliating them. AND she always tells me that no one considers her as a friend and that on one understands her... :o
Note: Friend wrote back that she understood my intentions, and all is well now. Allah ka shukar hai. smile
However the question still stands, how much is too much honesty with a friend?
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*Originally posted by Munni: *
However the question still stands, how much is too much honesty with a friend?
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You need to be a judge of that yourself. It depends on the seriousness of the situation and its outcome. I personally wouldn't go around being 'honest' about my friends' looks, unless, of course, they asked me. (It's still hard to say "yeah I think you're over-weight" when he/she asks.) I'd try to look for other means of being truthful.
Like coco said, never say anything of such sort in front of another person. Always take the friend aside before talking about something personal.
Munni, I think it depends on each situation. Sometimes you have to keep your mouth shut. I've noticed, that especially with friends, honesty is dangerous. Sometimes being too honest just isn't good. Not all people can take that! People are often judgemental of others without good reasons. But often they don't look at themselves! We all have faults, but for some reason we seem to mostly look at other peoples faults instead of seeing our own flaws.
it really depends on the characteristics of ur friend... some people are really sensitive.. whilst others dont mind true criticism... there are some people who criticise people 24/7 but when it comes down to them they cant take it... just depends... and it also depends how open and trustworthy ur relationship is with that friend.. sometimes its best to stay quiet.. but when u think it really needs to be said.. place urself in the other persons shoes.. and talk to them the way u'd like to be spoken to :)
muni i think it depends on how gd frends u r i mean with my best friend i will say anything thats it because thats how we liek it and i have never had any misunderstandings with them so far in my 5-6 years of knowing them otherwise its sometimes best not to be honest but dont lie as well just say nothing :D
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*Originally posted by CareBear: *
You need to be a judge of that yourself. It depends on the seriousness of the situation and its outcome. I personally wouldn't go around being 'honest' about my friends' looks, unless, of course, they asked me. (It's still hard to say "yeah I think you're over-weight" when he/she asks.) I'd try to look for other means of being truthful.
Like coco said, never say anything of such sort in front of another person. Always take the friend aside before talking about something personal.
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I edited what I said earlier, but I did mention it only infront of my friend, not infront of others. smile Not only that, but this isnt a situation where a friend is overweight and you are telling her she is fat, its a situation where a friend has lost weight and u r saying she looks better and healthier now.
sadzz and sadya, I would have to agree with the both of you.
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Originally posted by Munni: *
I edited what I said earlier, but I did mention it only infront of my friend, not infront of others. *smile Not only that, but this isnt a situation where a friend is overweight and you are telling her she is fat, its a situation where a friend has lost weight and u r saying she looks better and healthier now.
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I was just using what I said as an example. You said your situation was sort of resolved but the question still stood. So my answer wasn't directed towards the situation you faced. "how much is too much honesty with a friend?" It was a personal opinion in regards to this question you had asked. :-)