when did you fall in love in arranged marrige.

Lifestyle Relationships
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…love doesn’t happen in real life like bollywood movies.
a lot of people who got married through an arranged setup they take a little time to actually fall in love with their spouse. before falling in love they might have a little likeness in their hearts but that falling in love doesn’t happen the second rishta gets pakka, or in same cases even right after the marriage.
can someone please share their experience. i am asking that because i guess i am around that time when i am expecting a rishta pakka for my self (not their yet, but somewhere around it) right now i don’t have any feelings for him in my heart. but he does fulfill most of my requirement that i was looking for in my future husband. so i told my parents to proceed with it, but NOTHING is done yet, we are still on those initial stages of getting to know the family and stuff.
soo…i dunno…i was just thinking when is that i am going to get on that kuch kuch hota hai stage :p…on a serious note. what did it happen to you???

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Re: when did you fall in love in arranged marrige.

love will not be "pakka" until you have a song&dance with your hubby to be in the rain...

3

Re: when did you fall in love in arranged marrige.

you don't count, you aren't even engaged/married yet.

4

Re: when did you fall in love in arranged marrige.

hehe.

Congrats Yanzala. I hope it works for you :).

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Re: when did you fall in love in arranged marrige.

I feel that it doesn't take long to begin liking the person or even stating that you love them. You might even believe it, but love takes time in maturing. Even if you believe it, and it happens pretty early on that you believe it, in fact I think soon as you wrap your head around the fact that this is the person you shall be spending the rest of your life with Inshallah, Allah softens your heart and mind towards that person. Once you believe someone is yours by a sacred bond and you similarly belong to them by the same bond, you begin loving them. You find things in them to love, you discover things about them which may not have been obvious immediately. It may be their small kindnesses (Surah Ma'un) towards others, their manner of speaking. The little things. But love takes its time to mature, even if you may think it to be true, it will be tested over time and time is the best test for love. The longer you are with someone the more you get to love them. It's nothing to be worried about. An arranged setup is in most ways better than a love setup, especially because you are starting off with all the help you can get in form of the families whose blessings are with the rishta. It clears the way for the couple to settle in together and focus on maintaining each other's relationship rather than worrying about the rest of the people involved in a marriage and making them happy.

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Re: when did you fall in love in arranged marrige.

For me, it's still at the initial stage. It's been a few months since the Nikah, few more to go before the rukhsati. What I experienced however is a sense of belonging and possessiveness where my husband is concerned. We are loving enough in our interactions mashallah, we even had our first very major fight recently. After that was over I wondered if there was irreparable damage done to the relationship we were slowly building up. But when we sat together after it in order to resolve our issues which lead upto the fight, surprisingly we started laughing when we began talking. And it was VERY surprising for me because it was a rather serious issue we had been arguing about and harsh things had been said from both sides, but I think it boils down to the realisation that most great couples we have seen growing up have, like our parents or grandparents, that come hell or high water we will see this marriage work, and once you have that down pat, there isnt much you cant conquer.

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Re: when did you fall in love in arranged marrige.

umm well in my case it happened when we got to know each other during the engagement to marriage duration. I wasnt a teenager to fall in love with someone but it was a logical awareness in my mind that I have to spend all of my life with this person and the person himself was and still is very very nice, understanding and caring. And this is all matters. What else do we call love?

8

Re: when did you fall in love in arranged marrige.

for me it's being a love hate relationship from the day we met. i fell in love with him so many times before and after the marriage, i remember the times i hated him, once in the beginning of our marriage i hated him because he called me useless.

oh and once i hated me when he used to make fun of my desi accent and once i hated him when he called me Pakistani Khoon/blood.

9

Re: when did you fall in love in arranged marrige.

Thanks I sound like such a monster ... where's my toupe?

Dopple give it back!

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Re: when did you fall in love in arranged marrige.

^and I, to this day believe I'm useless. thanks to you.

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Re: when did you fall in love in arranged marrige.

Kash meri dil ki baat ki itnee ahmiyat detee ya meri kahi hoee baat ka asl maqsad hasil kartee ... mera iraada tumhe dabbe howey rakhne ka nahein hai ... Lekin shaid tum koi "negative" baat sun ke tumhare andar jazba aa jey ke mujhe uss baat ka ulat dekha do.

It is not disappointing that someone who is unskilled and incapable not to take chances and attempt great feats ... but for a person who is not only perfectly capable, but extremely skilled to not have the motivation to reach for the stars ... that I think is disappointing.

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Re: when did you fall in love in arranged marrige.

I know I'll always remain like that in your eyes because you can't see the efforts I make.

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Re: when did you fall in love in arranged marrige.

Do you really love me that much? I don't think you realise how much I appreciate you ... I'm sounding so cheesy ...

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Re: when did you fall in love in arranged marrige.

barf.

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Re: when did you fall in love in arranged marrige.

^i'm sorry. may be i should stop posting for a while coz it's not helping.

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Re: when did you fall in love in arranged marrige.

psyah and hareem sitting in a tree

c o o k i n g

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Re: when did you fall in love in arranged marrige.

nah. it wouldn't be the same without you guys.

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Re: when did you fall in love in arranged marrige.

rotflllllllll

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Re: when did you fall in love in arranged marrige.

Does arrange cum sorta love marriage also count here?

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Re: when did you fall in love in arranged marrige.

Sorry Psyah to jump in your conversation but I really don't think reverse psychology works in husband and wife relationship. People are too emotionally invested in such relationships and there is a huge potential of it being backfired. Its not like you are on a soccer field and your coach is calling you a sissy to motivate you.
People who have heighten sense of izzat-e nafas want other to repect their ego and if you take a stab at it they will never recover.