When it comes to good deeds , people suddenly remember what Islam says about mehram and namehrams ...
How many of us respect the mehram/namehram laws when it comes to joint family systems? or even a bahoo is a namehram to the father in law but she is expected to treat him like she treats and respects her father... these are just two examples...
Therefore , I believe when you are thinking of a good deed , just go ahead with it... dont think twice ... dont let people drive you away from hypocritical thinking....
Good luck and May Allah be the guide to us all.
Totally agree with CB. It's so typical for desis especially to nitpick every good deed.
I have always wanted to adopt a girl from Pakistan or Afghanistan and have even discussed it with my fiance who is also very eager to do so! I do want kids of my own too but I think it's great to adopt and help at least one of the many millions of orphans out there in need of a good home. But there are other ways of helping out too such as sponsoring orphans through World Vision or Islamic Relief. I have done it and it's very rewarding!
I think you should go for it, regardless of what people say. MashAllah it is an amazing thing to do and I wish you all the best with whatever decision you take :)
u can give last name as long as you dont hide the fact that the child is adopted, which actually is the best thing to do anyways.
inheritance was set up in those days so ppls biolgical children and other inheritance stakeholders do not discourage adoption. you can always give the child a gift, in life or post humously. so if you want to gift x% of your assets to the adopted child, there is nothing that can stop it.
mehram issue- yeah two biologically unrelated child are na mehram for each other upin reaching puberty, basically meaning they can amrry each other and have to observe hijab etc. it is a non issue for most families because cousins are na mehram too. secondly if its such a big deal then teh adopting mother can breastfeed the adopted child and that child will be mehram for her biological child. Not that I assume kids will be checking their adopted siblings out or vice versa anyways. Could it happen sure..but come on..
masha-allah...i am so so happy to read all the replies on this forum..its just so surreal...i thought i would get feedback like " ant ou bear your own".."jub Allah ne is qabil banaya hai tou kiun na shukri kerti ho"...cos i know even my own mom as not too happy to hear this and not my closest best frind either....
gosh i am so happy i put my question down here..thankyou all...i am thinking now that our coming generations are going to be so much more helpful and non-judgemental...will always base decisions on facts and not fiction...this can really change a whole society and over-ride nonsense we hear around us all the time no?
You'd be surprised by how supportive people are.
My son is adopted and I had very much armed myself with ammunition to throw back at people; but honestly not a single soul had a negative remark to make. They were all overjoyed and they all love him no differently then if he was my biological.
Now the question is how dedicated are you to this?
Its not an easy process to go through with the paperwork or emotionally.
Just to feel sorry for a kid isn't enough to deal with them your whole life.
And if you base you adoption on pity for the baby then you're doing him/her a diservice.
Be absolutely sure that this is what you and YOUR HUSBAND want.
Sorry if I just complicated things more but thats my take on it.
And the whole na mehram thing; did you know that there is medication out there that can make you breast feed the baby; that solves you're issue. As for the dad and the daughter not to clear on that but I'm sure the reward for caring for her will outweigh everything else.
Yup I thought of the breast feeding too while reading about NaMehram point posted by others. That will solve your problem.
masha-allah...i am so so happy to read all the replies on this forum..its just so surreal...i thought i would get feedback like " ant ou bear your own".."jub Allah ne is qabil banaya hai tou kiun na shukri kerti ho"...cos i know even my own mom as not too happy to hear this and not my closest best frind either....
gosh i am so happy i put my question down here..thankyou all...i am thinking now that our coming generations are going to be so much more helpful and non-judgemental...will always base decisions on facts and not fiction...this can really change a whole society and over-ride nonsense we hear around us all the time no?
I discussed this thread with my husband and asked him, if he were ever to consider adopting, would he think "what would my parents say about this?" He said no, he wouldn't consider what others had to say, not his parents either, anyway he didn't think they would discourage him.
Bubli, I think once you have actually adopted I think you mother would get used to the idea and won't be so negative, inshallah.
Bubli, my kids are adopted and we have not faced any sort of negativity from anyone, as a matter of fact just encouragement and support. To a point that an older couple in the family who dd not have any kids and had shied away from adopting for years went for it as well. They were concerned about the what would people say and how will they threat them and the kids issues.
When it comes to good deeds , people suddenly remember what Islam says about mehram and namehrams ...
How many of us respect the mehram/namehram laws when it comes to joint family systems? or even a bahoo is a namehram to the father in law but she is expected to treat him like she treats and respects her father... these are just two examples...
Therefore , I believe when you are thinking of a good deed , just go ahead with it... dont think twice ... dont let people drive you away from hypocritical thinking....
Good luck and May Allah be the guide to us all.
Bahoo is not na-mahram to her FIL, until she is in nikkah to his son.
on the original topic: if your intention are honest then go for this deed. its a very noble deed, which not all of us can do. Just keep praying to ALLAH SWT that keep you honest and faithful in your every action, and keep you away from "sher". whereas worrying about things like mheram-na mheram only becomes an issue when the "tarbiat" is pathetic.
besides, mostly orphans become "ahsan-mand" after they find out that they were the few lucky ones who get shelter, food, and foremost a gaurdian. and they put more stress in finding the truth that why their actual parents left them in an orphanage.
Bubli, adoption is a very noble deed and some people's judgment should not keep one from doing something noble. Whether or not you decide to go ahead with the idea of adoption is your personal decision based on your own circumstances, but make sure it is not what people might think or say that concludes your decision.