I am one of the silent readers of gupshup but many of you may know of me from my first thread about a forced sorta marriage. Anyway, there are loads of underlying issues which I am dealing with but the question I have today is a religious one.
The Situation:
I volunteer full time at an organisation. My dad was not happy about it right from the start but basically he wanted me to stop doing it for the ramadhan so he can ‘keep an eye on me at home’. But that is beside the point, the point is I wanted to rebel but then I thought its Ramadhan and I really don’t want to get on Allah’s wrong side in this month so I listened to my dad. I will be going back to work after Ramadhan even if my dad says no.
My mum on the other hand is ok with me working and wants me to establish myself financially. I know she hasn’t got a problem with me volunteering, obviously she would prefer it if I was getting paid but nevertheless she is happy.
Every time my dad has a go at me, he always brings the argument across, if you don’t listen to your parents , you will not get anywhere in life. And he says that all the things I have done so far have been successful because I have listened to him. ( Bear in mind, we have always fought about what subjects I would do in school, lessons, collage…basically everything and I always listened to myself and became successful because of that rather than what he says.)
The Question:
Technically if we look at the situation Islamic-ally, can anything in life go wrong for me because of my dad’s bad dua? Because my mother is happy with me and you are supposed to listen to mum first second and third before dad.
But then there is also the ‘jannat lies under mum’s feet and the key to jannat lies under dad’s feet’ so what take do people have on this?
Thanks for your time
Re: what's your take on this and what's the Islamic take on this?
From a life perspective, I think from your past posts, you mentioned that your dad's on govt $, and doesn't work or support you guys very much financially. So he has a record of not being successful and you're not obligated to look up to him as a role model for "success". Also your mother is supportive, which is a good thing. Parents are human beings too and can make mistakes and be wrong from time to time. And this may be hard to hear but not.every.single.parent has their child's best interest at heart.
Desi islamic perspective--yes yes, ruin your own life and kill yourself for parents (but not literally cz suicide is haram).
Real islamic perspective--someone else can better answer that.
Islam teaches us to be kind with them. Perhaps reach a compromise or speak in different manor and still be able to get what you want. Everyone is out there trying to judge their parents based on what they did. Who made them the judge of their parents? How dare they?
Prophet PBUH has observed: "Let that man be disgraced, and disgraced again and let him be disgraced even more." The people inquired: "O Prophed of God (PBUH) who is that man?". The Prophet PBUH affirmed: "I refere to the man who finds his parents old in age - both of them or one of them - and yet did not earn entitlement to paradise by rendering good service to them." Sahih Muslim.
This is because Prophet PBUH said that if you don't respond to harsh criticism or someone saying bad things at you, then the Angels will respond for you. But if you start responding, then the devil takes over.
can anything in life go wrong for me because of my dad's bad dua?
No, trust me a parent will never wish bad for their child. They might say bad things when angry but never mean it.
Thats not true some parents does hurt their kids and some even kills them! It's not right to say that no parents wants to hurt their kids some do want to hurt their kids but most don't!
what's your take on this and what's the Islamic take on this?
^ Agreed, I have seen some cases. However I think you meant in most circumstances, no it's not usually like that .
Op, how old are you? I haven't read your old posts but you seem to have a good head on your shoulders. Use your good and practical judgement. If you know that what you are going to do will benefit your family for the better then I would suggest reasoning with your father again. and if what the first poster said is true than I think if you are taking steps to better your life and practically looking for ways to help your family, with your good intentions, I personally believe you are doing right even in regards to Islam.
How old are you? Why does your dad feel he needs to keep an eye out ?
Re: what's your take on this and what's the Islamic take on this?
^ Agreed, I have seen some cases. However I think you meant in most circumstances, no it's not usually like that .
Op, how old are you? I haven't read your old posts but you seem to have a good head on your shoulders. Use your good and practical judgement. If you know that what you are going to do will benefit your family for the better then I would suggest reasoning with your father again. and if what the first poster said is true than I think if you are taking steps to better your life and practically looking for ways to help your family, with your good intentions, I personally believe you are doing right even in regards to Islam.
How old are you? Why does your dad feel he needs to keep an eye out ?
I'm 19 at the moment and my dad believes in the kitchens are made for girls idea. Its quite complicated
Re: what's your take on this and what's the Islamic take on this?
Hello and Ramadhan Mubarak to everyone,
The Question:
Technically if we look at the situation Islamic-ally, can anything in life go wrong for me because of my dad's bad dua? Because my mother is happy with me and you are supposed to listen to mum first second and third before dad.
But then there is also the 'jannat lies under mum's feet and the key to jannat lies under dad's feet' so what take do people have on this?
Thanks for your time
Peace coffeegirl,
Lets focus only on 'dua' by extracting 'bad and good' from it and keeping them aside. According to a hadith 'when a person made 'dua' (either good or bad), that dua sometime accepted and granted but some other time it is kept for later on and this is only Almighty Allah knows best whom 'dua' will be accepted instantly and whom 'dua' kept for later on, either for acceptance or rejection.
If you would like to see a situation Islamic-ally, then open and read the Holy Qur'an. You will came across word ("Allahawabilwalidayni ihsanan") "and to parents do good". 'Parents' Not Mother or Father but both. So technically you can't decide at your end whom you should listen/respect more. It is our duty to respect and listen to both of them.
Now coming to the last part that 'jannat lies under Mother's feet and key to Jannat lies under dad's feet', <---- This can be achieved if we complete our duties towards our Mother and Father (both) in good way and that has nothing to do with our listening to both of them or either any one.
There is always two thing (1) duty and (2) rights. Your duty is to respect both of them without any single word and your rights is that you may agree/disagree with both or either any one but that doesn't means in any sense that your should listen to your Mother more then your Father.
Re: what's your take on this and what's the Islamic take on this?
can anything in life go wrong for me because of my dad's bad dua?
No, trust me a parent will never wish bad for their child. They might say bad things when angry but never mean it.
Peace MAKRANI
Although parents may never mean to be angry, but just show it out of concern, the disobedience to ones parents can still earn bad du'a on behalf of the parents. It is better to be cautious and conclude that even though I can never make my parents unhappy, it does not mean that I just dismiss their wishes and place my own desires above theirs all the time.