Re: What's wrong with this?!
lol at all the defenders of the stupid woman
[quote="BusyBee"]
Yeah there def are other reasons but she's going and telling people about this reason only.
That's b/c nosy aunties probably keep asking her why they got divorced and so she gives them this answer hoping they'll leave her alone. She doesn't owe anyone an "explanation". Heck you haven't even bothered to speak with her yourself so clearly you're not a close family member or friend.
NO ONE else knows what happened behind closed doors between her and her ex-husband. So whether or not they got divorced b/c of his English and clothing.....or if there was another reason......all that is a private matter between her and the ex.
[/QUOTE]
You're right, she doesn't owe anyone an explanation and yes, I don't know her personally. But, my original post was not about what happened b/w them and why they're getting a divorce. My main question was why wearing a shalwar kameez causes embarrassment to some people.
There probably are many other reasons why they're getting a divorce but clearly if she's telling everyone this shalwar kameez reason then of course it has to be one of them. I don't have any concern with her reasons but I just wanted to know why is it embarrassing....like in general.
Re: What's wrong with this?!
My main question was why wearing a shalwar kameez causes embarrassment to some people. I don't have any concern with her reasons but I just wanted to know why is it embarrassing....like in general.
It probably caused her to be embarrased b/c it wasn't the "norm" where they lived and thus, he stuck out like a sore thumb. They probably attracted negative attention, stares....maybe even people pointing/laughing when they went out. There are MANY people out there who would be extremely uncomfortable with that type of negative attention. She obviously felt that she could not spend the rest of her life with a man who refused to adopt the local "norm" when it came to his choice of clothing (especially since men wearing pants/shirt is not again Islam).
Personally, I would never wear salwar kameez while visiting Hawaii, and would not wear shorts/tank top while visiting Pakistan. It's no different than all the girls who wear pants/tops/shirts etc. while living in the West.....but when they go back to visit Pakistan, they cover up in salwar-kameez while on vacation. It all boils down to adjusting to the local culture and doing everything possible not to attract any negative, wanted attention.
Re: What's wrong with this?!
My main question was why wearing a shalwar kameez causes embarrassment to some people. .
If that was your main question or concern, you could have framed the question in a better way...r.ather than bring up the divorce or reasons for the divorce...
Re: What's wrong with this?!
It probably caused her to be embarrased b/c it wasn't the "norm" where they lived and thus, he stuck out like a sore thumb. They probably attracted negative attention, stares....maybe even people pointing/laughing when they went out. There are MANY people out there who would be extremely uncomfortable with that type of negative attention. She obviously felt that she could not spend the rest of her life with a man who refused to adopt the local "norm" when it came to his choice of clothing (especially since men wearing pants/shirt is not again Islam).
Personally, I would never wear salwar kameez while visiting Hawaii, and would not wear shorts/tank top while visiting Pakistan. It's no different than all the girls who wear pants/tops/shirts etc. while living in the West.....but when they go back to visit Pakistan, they cover up in salwar-kameez while on vacation. It all boils down to adjusting to the local culture and doing everything possible not to attract any negative, wanted attention.
I think this is a very weak justification to give out divorce (if this is indeed the reason).
In multicultural societies nobody cares what you wear (maybe a few dumbos do) but in general people dont pay attention, because there are so many people who wear 'different' stuff. Even when people laugh at you, it will be some dumb wannabe gora desis.
Now I don't know in what area these people live. And lets say even if it is a white area, even then divorcing your spouse over such an issue makes no sense. Goray wear whatever they want. The wildest creations. Only a wannabe firangi or a redneck gora will point fingers at your cloths.
So she will remarry a western attire man. What if people start making fun of his face or nose or anything. Will she divorce him too?
[quote="BusyBee"]
My main question was why wearing a shalwar kameez causes embarrassment to some people. .
If that was your main question or concern, you could have framed the question in a better way...r.ather than bring up the divorce or reasons for the divorce...
[/QUOTE]
Yeah may be I should've framed the question better but I also wanted to give the background...you know, just to see why it's such a big cause of embarrassment that someone is giving it as ONE of the reasons for her divorce.
Re: What's wrong with this?!
It probably caused her to be embarrased b/c it wasn't the "norm" where they lived and thus, he stuck out like a sore thumb. They probably attracted negative attention, stares....maybe even people pointing/laughing when they went out. There are MANY people out there who would be extremely uncomfortable with that type of negative attention. She obviously felt that she could not spend the rest of her life with a man who refused to adopt the local "norm" when it came to his choice of clothing (especially since men wearing pants/shirt is not again Islam).
Personally, I would never wear salwar kameez while visiting Hawaii, and would not wear shorts/tank top while visiting Pakistan. It's no different than all the girls who wear pants/tops/shirts etc. while living in the West.....but when they go back to visit Pakistan, they cover up in salwar-kameez while on vacation. It all boils down to adjusting to the local culture and doing everything possible not to attract any negative, wanted attention.
Agree..
I'm wondering if the ppl who are saying it's a 'minor' thing would say the same about a girl flat-out refusing to wear desi clothes in Pakistan..
Am also thinking if he was so determined not to adapt in that way what other opinions he might have had in terms of lifestyle, their relationship in general etc.
Re: What's wrong with this?!
I think this is a very weak justification to give out divorce (if this is indeed the reason).
I only gave the reasons behind why this girl MIGHT have felt embarrassed by the husband insisting on wearing salwar kameez 24/7. As to whether or not this this is a strong enough justification for divorce, the ONLY people who can decide that are the people actually in that marriage. As I already stated, none of us knows what happened behind closed doors. But if a woman decides that she wants to divorce someone simply b/c of his choice of clothing....then she has every right to do so. Since none of us actually knows what it was like living with this man on a daily basis, I think its unfair for us to judge the strength of her justification. Who knows, maybe he promised her that he would change is way of dressing after marriage.
If a person isn't willing to spend the next 40 years sharing their life with someone for WHATEVER reason......then they have every right to leave the situation. Especially in situations where there are no kids involved.
So she will remarry a western attire man. What if people start making fun of his face or nose or anything. Will she divorce him too?
Again, that's up to her. If she re-marries and wants to divorce her 2nd husband b/c of his face or nose....then that's her choice. I don't understand why it bothers outsiders as to why a couple is getting married and divorced. Time and energy would be spent more wisely if we focused on our own marriage and family instead of worrying about what's going on with other marriages.
** Oh and before people go off on this being a biased opinion, I would've said the same thing if a man wanted to divorce a woman b/c of her looks, weight etc. This desi mentality that people should keep themselves stuck in a marriage that they don't want to be in b/c their reason for the divorce is weak on someone elses "judgment scale" is ridiculous.
Re: What's wrong with this?!
I'm wondering if the ppl who are saying it's a 'minor' thing would say the same about a girl flat-out refusing to wear desi clothes in Pakistan.. .
LOL......I'm sure the opinions would be very different if this was a western girl who moved to Pakistan after marriage. Then the discussion would be how she needs to learn to respect her culture and sacrifice for the sake of her marriage.
Am also thinking if he was so determined not to adapt in that way what other opinions he might have had in terms of lifestyle, their relationship in general etc.
^ THIS! If she thought he was too "traditional", combined with his refusal to wear pant/shirt......it's a strong possibility that he had a negative view of "western society" in general, and had issues with other daily aspects of life here.
I think many of us are forgetting that marriage (and divorce) involves TWO people. While it's easy to point the finger at the woman here for filing for divorce for a reason like this.......I find it equally sad that the HUSBAND would also choose to go through the divorce rather than give up his precious desi attire.
Re: What's wrong with this?!
Wearing tank tops and shorts in Pakistan can't be compared to wearing a Shalwar Kamiz in US.
First US is supposed to have a lot more freedom compared to Pakistan, so where's my freedom when I want to wear my Pakistani garb.
Besides Tank tops are a rarity in Pakistan, whereas women(first gen) wear Shalwar kamiz outdoors all the time in US. So shalwar kamiz's aren't that rare.
Don't tell me the US isn't a free country anymore.:(
Re: What's wrong with this?!
Wearing tank tops and shorts in Pakistan can't be compared to wearing a Shalwar Kamiz in US. First US is supposed to have a lot more freedom compared to Pakistan, so where's my freedom when I want to wear my Pakistani garb. Besides Tank tops are a rarity in Pakistan, *whereas women(first gen) wear Shalwar kamiz outdoors all the time in US. So shalwar kamiz's aren't that rare. * Don't tell me the US isn't a free country anymore.:(
I never said there was a lack of freedom in the U.S. People have the freedom to wear what they want. And others have the freedom to stare, smirk, or make nasty comments. The entire point of this thread is the woman in OP's story being uncomfortable with her ex-husband wearing salwar kameez all the time. Freedom to do so has nothing to do with the discussion.
I'm not sure how many cities in the U.S. you have visited, but there are TONS of places in the U.S. where desi clothing is not the norm. Forget the U.S. as a country or even the states.....there can be major differences as to what's "normal" between neighborhoods in the same city! Yes, there are many neighborhoods where men and women can be seen regularly wearing desi attire. On the flip side, there are plenty of other communities where desi clothing will make you stick out like a sore thumb.
Re: What's wrong with this?!
I never said there was a lack of freedom in the U.S. People have the freedom to wear what they want. And others have the freedom to stare, smirk, or make nasty comments. The entire point of this thread is the woman in OP's story being uncomfortable with her ex-husband wearing salwar kameez all the time. Freedom to do so has nothing to do with the discussion.
I'm not sure how many cities in the U.S. you have visited, but there are TONS of places in the U.S. where desi clothing is not the norm. Forget the U.S. as a country or even the states.....there can be major differences as to what's "normal" between neighborhoods in the same city! Yes, there are many neighborhoods where men and women can be seen regularly wearing desi attire. On the flip side, there are plenty of other communities where desi clothing will make you stick out like a sore thumb.
I'll apologize right there. I haven't really visited the place, I was basing my argument on what I've heard.
About the rest the of your post, those those two should have talked about these thing before they signed the marriage papers. The guy probably didn't start wearing the Shalwar kamiz when he landed in the States. He was probably the kind of guy who wore it 24/7 back in Pak too. The girl should have picked up on that, and the problem with English isn't something new either.
This is great example for why two people getting married should spend some time learning about each other before they actually sign the papers.
Re: What's wrong with this?!
**Polished Gems, Shak09 & Wendy Darling
**I guess what I meant to say was that the proportion of failed marriages among such couples is much higher than regular ones. In Pakistan, say, if overall 2 out of 10 marriages fail, then 5 out 10 fail in this group.
Re: What’s wrong with this?!
Re: What's wrong with this?!
I only gave the reasons behind why this girl MIGHT have felt embarrassed by the husband insisting on wearing salwar kameez 24/7. As to whether or not this this is a strong enough justification for divorce, the ONLY people who can decide that are the people actually in that marriage. As I already stated, none of us knows what happened behind closed doors. But if a woman decides that she wants to divorce someone simply b/c of his choice of clothing....then she has every right to do so. Since none of us actually knows what it was like living with this man on a daily basis, I think its unfair for us to judge the strength of her justification. Who knows, maybe he promised her that he would change is way of dressing after marriage.
If a person isn't willing to spend the next 40 years sharing their life with someone for WHATEVER reason......then they have every right to leave the situation. Especially in situations where there are no kids involved.
Again, that's up to her. If she re-marries and wants to divorce her 2nd husband b/c of his face or nose....then that's her choice. I don't understand why it bothers outsiders as to why a couple is getting married and divorced. Time and energy would be spent more wisely if we focused on our own marriage and family instead of worrying about what's going on with other marriages.
** Oh and before people go off on this being a biased opinion, I would've said the same thing if a man wanted to divorce a woman b/c of her looks, weight etc. This desi mentality that people should keep themselves stuck in a marriage that they don't want to be in b/c their reason for the divorce is weak on someone elses "judgment scale" is ridiculous.
Just like you are assuming. I was also assuming. I don't know the situation. Only commenting on the question: is this is a valid reason to divorce?
I know the couple involved only knows the real reason and how much this matters for them. But since the question has been brought up, I am just giving a general reply.
I know it shouldnt matter to outsiders why one marries or divorces. But since there has been made a thread about it, I just replied. We do it all the time. All these threads were we poke our noses. It only takes a minute or two. It is never fair to judge based on what you heard. Yet it happens all the time here. How do we decide which chacrackters should get a break and which ones should be bashed into the ground?
Don't think my personal life will suffer from it, if I take a minute or two to give out a reply.
As for the topic: is it a good reason to divorce for this?
No it is a lame reason. If there is a different reason why they are breaking up and she is doesnt wnat people to know the real reason, then she should have not come with this. Shge could have easily said that they werent meant for each other or whatever.
Now I would understand if her husband would have been wearing female cloths or uber gay cloths (leather and stuff). But this reason is laughable.
And I don't believe women (and men) who say they don't wear shalwar kameez ever in the west because they dont want any negative attention. Because these people try their best to stick out in conservative places, so that everybody looks up at them.