I have this friend of mine at work. She recently came back from a long leave which she took for her one of her sibling's wedding. Before the leave she was all fine but now I am just getting this very cold treatment from her.** She had already cut ties with all female co workers 2 years back.** I was the only female in the organisation she was interacting with !
I called her one or two times she said she is busy and she will call me back but she didn't ! Now I wouldn't call her again and again if somebody is showing this type of attitude to me I wouldn't certainly call or speak with that person again !
The thing is I don't understand why she is doing all this . She supported me alot with my marriage issues but I really don't know what's going on in her mind !
I went to her sibling's wedding and gave a gift (not money) may be she didn't like the gift ? may be she not want to talk anymore with someone who has a broken marriage ? I don't know just assuming things.
I don't think she is a bad person at all but *she can be just plain rude sometimes. I feel that she has isolated herself from everyone.
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what to do ?
Hi Diamond,
Read the parts that I've highlighted starting from the top of your post.
1) If she already cut ties with ALL OTHER female workers, then the problem is with HER and not with you. If she had only cut ties with you or one other person.....it would make more sense for you to wonder if you had done something to offend her. But if she's treating EVERYONE like that.....then maybe that's just her nature.
2) Do we always ask a person what gift they want for a special occasion? Do we always make sure that with 100% certainty that the person will like a gift? Frankly.....sometimes we think that the people we know so well in our life such as parents/siblings/children/spouse would really like a gift that we get them....only to find out that we were wrong. So, there's no guarantee that a STRANGER (her sibling is just an acquaintace for you) would definitely like your gift. And who cares if her sibling didn't like your gift. That person is lucky that you even took the time out to get a gift for them. You attended the wedding....you fulfilled a sunnah.....you gave a gift with good intentions..you've done all that formality would require of you. It's not your headache.
3) She's not talking to you because your marriage broke? It's just your paranoia, Diamond. What about all the other people that she's ignoring in the office? Are they all divorced as well? No, they're not. This just shows.....that the problem is with her and not you. I highly doubt that would be the reason. And if by some remote chance....that IS the reason.....then it reflects the smallness of her character. Marriages don't come with guarantees, they are a gamble. And no person will understand your situation unless they are in your shoes. Don't give her that much importance. She seems to be lacking in social skills. Again, her problem.
4) Yes, you're assuming things. And the only person who knows why she's mad at the world is...........HER. You've been courteous....you've done your part by calling her and reaching out to her.......and you got ignored. You've fulfilled the formality......now let her make the next move. Don't go chasing after her.
5) You say she's rude sometimes and isolates herself. Maybe she struggles with social skills. A good friend of mine that I worked with.......liked to isolate herself from others when she was stressed. She wasn't snippy or rude. But she did become distant from time to time.....and she wouldn't talk as much (short answers, etc). That was her own way of dealing with issues. I did my part and asked her if she was okay....she told me she that she isolates herself when she's stressed. Now that I know that about her, I respect her privacy and let her sort out matters in her life.
What to do? You've taken the first step to reach out to her. She's the one who is giving you and everyone in the office an attitude........so the problem is her...not you. Not your headache. We have enough things to worry about in our lives.....that we don't need to take on the headache of figuring out another person's puzzling attitude or nakhray. Remain the calm and pleasant person that you are. Don't give her an attitude. Stay positive/relaxed....show that you're unaffected (because you shouldn't be) and let her come to you if she needs to.