Suppose, there’s a girl & guy who like each other and want to get married. The guy’s family already knows about her. Now, the girl has to inform her parents so that the guy’s parents can come to her home with the proposal. But the girl’s parents being conservative, she is scared that, once they come to know about this guy, they may react in any ways. So, what’s the method through which the girls’ parents be informed about it?
Your suggestions & ideas?
Re: What's the right method....
Khala, Phuppo, elder sister, elder cousin sister??? use anyone of them to broke the deal...
Re: What's the right method....
The girl should never inform her parents (or anyone else. Not even her sister or best friend). She should not even give them any hint about her likeness for the guy or that she knows him. Because by showing her likeness (or telling them that she already knows him) she is inviting trouble and helping the devil to cultivate a series of suspicions in the hearts of her relatives. Being a conservative family, naturally they would be forced to think: How did she come to know of him ? We thought she is very shy and shareef but... To which extent this relationship was developed and for how long ? She might also have affairs before this one which she had been hiding from us till now. May be this guy has persuaded her into believing that he is the right guy for her, because my bachi is very innocent and can easily be tricked by those bad boys....etc.
Better to concentrate on serving your parents to the best of your ability and help your siblings in daily life matters to improve your relationship with them. Tell the guy that he should request his parents to come to her house for asking this rishta, without mentioning ANYTHING that might tempt her relatives into thinking that their daughter already knows this guy (not lying but also not necessary to mention this truth). Even if they give a hint by mistake, she should briefly reply "Yes, we studied in the same college" (or whatever is the related 'necessary' truth).
Re: What's the right method....
The girl should never inform her parents (or anyone else. Not even her sister or best friend). She should not even give them any hint about her likeness for the guy or that she knows him. Because by showing her likeness (or telling them that she already knows him) she is inviting trouble and helping the devil to cultivate a series of suspicions in the hearts of her relatives. Being a conservative family, naturally they would be forced to think: How did she come to know of him ? We thought she is very shy and shareef but... To which extent this relationship was developed and for how long ? She might also have affairs before this one which she had been hiding from us till now. May be this guy has persuaded her into believing that he is the right guy for her, because my bachi is very innocent and can easily be tricked by those bad boys....etc.
Better to concentrate on serving your parents to the best of your ability and help your siblings in daily life matters to improve your relationship with them. Tell the guy that he should request his parents to come to her house for asking this rishta, without mentioning ANYTHING that might tempt her relatives into thinking that their daughter already knows this guy (not lying but also not necessary to mention this truth). Even if they give a hint by mistake, she should briefly reply "Yes, we studied in the same college" (or whatever is the related 'necessary' truth).
WHY ? I mean whats wrong in informing your parents through your sister or friend if u like someone? As far as i know Hazrat Khadija RA liked Hazrat Muhammad SAW & informed him through her friend or someone. Correct me if i m wrong.
Re: What's the right method....
EDAL You gots to give the family some credit, obviously if the girl is at an age where she is thinking about marriage, and she wants to approach the whole thing because she wants rishta talk to start, then there's nothing wrong to telling her parents she likes someone, as long as she makes it clear that there hasn't been any hanky panky involved.
Depends on what the girl's family is like, and how they normally do things, though.
Re: What's the right method....
WHY ? I mean whats wrong in informing your parents through your sister or friend if u like someone? As far as i know Hazrat Khadija RA liked Hazrat Muhammad SAW & informed him through her friend or someone. Correct me if i m wrong.
There is nothing wrong in informing parents, but only Allah (swt) knows you inside out and only HE would never misunderstand your intentions, rest are all humans and prone to mistakes no matter how much they love you. Actually, she mentioned that her family is conservative. I have seen how "Shakki" some of such relatives become when such likeness (for a stranger) is disclosed to them. Even if the rest of them trust her, there always is one bad fish who brings up those thought provoking questions in order to tempt the rest of the members also to think along the same lines. "Hmm...so she has been meeting him. Did they only talk on phone or.....used to meet alone as well" And then the minds of few of them imagine the details on the basis of bollywood/ star plus/ hollywood love stories, that are of course not at pure and haya-full as were that of our ideals, that you mentioned.
Btw, according to my knowledge, Hazrat Khadija (r.a) hadn't accepted Islam by that time (hence wasn't aware of the order of purda), still she had not interacted directly with the Prophet (saw) but through a servant who used to be with the Prophet (saw) during the journeys and tradings. Also, she decided to marry him after that servant elaborated to her about the manners, honesty,..etc. of the Prophet (saw) that he witnessed during those journeys. She decided to marry the Prophet (saw) on the basis of the information that was given to her by her servant, she hadn't herself experienced the qualities of the Prophet (saw) by dealing 'face to face' with him.
Just my understanding and the information I got. I might be wrong. Allah (swt) knows Best!
Re: What’s the right method…
Is pinkyy a multi of Edal 
Re: What’s the right method…
Re: What's the right method....
^ O.k. It may not make sense. As I said, just my understanding.
If she conveys to her parents now (herself or through her sister) that she likes him, they wouldn't be able to judge the boy neutrally, because from the beginning they would be under pressure that if they didn't like his personality they would have to go through arguments with their daughter, so at times they might tend to give him a lot of benefit of doubt and try to ignore the flaws in him. And later if (Allah forbid) things don't work out well with him, they would easily make an excuse that they were under pressure (while making decision) due to their daughter. In that case the blame might be on her.
So, leave it to them. They are sincere and their investigations would be selfless + honest. If they select him, they would always be thankful to their daughter for giving them importance in making this decision instead of pressurizing them about someone they didn't know anything about (initially). If Allah forbid they don't like him, then there would be khair in it, and Allah (swt) would reward her with a better spouse (for being respectful and obedient to her parents). Numerous hadiths indicate that obeying parents brings along a lot of blessings (and barakah) in this life and hereafter.
Re: What’s the right method…
Well i am assuming from your post that if you tell your parents up straight that you like a guy and want to get married with him, they might object to it just based on the fact that you select him yourself?! Is that right? If it is then i don’t know what should be done because i wouldnt advice you to lie to your parents and not letting them know that you already know the guy. I think such things can’t be kept a secret and neither should such relationships be build on lies so yah 
.
If you trust an elder you can have him/her talk to your parents about it or maybe one of your siblings can do it for you. There is no gunnah in liking someone especially when you have the noble intentions of wanting to get married to them. I think no parents should object based on this idea but its a different thing if they may have other issues with this particular match.
Re: What's the right method....
lol@ the pinky EDAL confusion.
Well I honestly dont know what to suggest. The first ever thought crossing my mind is, its uncool. Only parents being in the dark whereas the guys' parents know everything and have met the girl. The girl should have known already what kind of family she comes from. I peronally didnt like this idea. I feel for the girl as well as her parents. There shouldnt be such a mahol in the family where the most important decision of one' marriage is initiated through scheming and all that.
Anyway, she can bring her mom into confidence and then both can decide which will be the better way. Mothers are always kinder and helping, I am sure she will sort some way of arranging the things in a win-win manner.
Re: What's the right method....
I think it was an EDAL /RAW **confusion. But **Mad Hatter can clarify.
Re: What's the right method....
have a close fmaily member tell them or just tell the guys side that a mutual friend told u abt them
Re: What's the right method....
I think she should tell them herself, at the end of the day they're her parents. One of my friends told her parents and they kept it to themselfs and when the guys family came over and the relatives found out that something was going on the family said that they knew the guys parents from somewhere.
Re: What's the right method....
Yeah she should inform her parents, through any chanel. keeping them in darkness is not a good idea and can effect her in future married life -vely..