Re: What's the best way to get a man...........
I wish I could tell you what to do but every man is different and it depends on the situation too.
What happened?
Re: What's the best way to get a man...........
men follow logic, women follow dogic
Re: What's the best way to get a man...........
Well crying to get a man to fall for you/get him to do things for you is just not impressive. Let me ask you, are the people he had an argument with willing to call a truce also and meet him half way? It's not fair if all you're doing is expecting your man to apologize and give in while the other party put in no effort to reconcile. And remember some people have very conflicting personalities and will always clash if they are in the same room for long periods of time, no matter how much they try to get along with each other. Really don't understand why some people want to go out of their way to act like a peacemaker between those who do not get along (and doesn't really need to!!). It appears like they are just trying to be irritating on purpose...
Re: What's the best way to get a man...........
Well crying to get a man to fall for you/get him to do things for you is just not impressive. Let me ask you, are the people he had an argument with willing to call a truce also and meet him half way? It's not fair if all you're doing is expecting your man to apologize and give in while the other party put in no effort to reconcile. And remember some people have very conflicting personalities and will always clash if they are in the same room for long periods of time, no matter how much they try to get along with each other. Really don't understand why some people want to go out of their way to act like a peacemaker between those who do not get along (and doesn't really need to!!). It appears like they are just trying to be irritating on purpose...
yes they have met him more than half way, they always send him cards for his birthday, they are truly nice, sweet people to him and when they first met him, they even gave him so many electronic gadgets as gifts for his first birthday with us just b/c i like him so they also made the effort. totally spoiled him.
the situation is that, his family has a genetic disorder that was present in a couple of his family members and because my very close friend and parents and I asked about it to him and asked him to visit a doctor to see if he also has it, he got angry and felt insulted and so did his parents and from then on he's been acting this way with me and my loved ones. it's a necessary question just in case any future children have it.
i haven't gotten a chance to spend one holiday with them, it was mostly me going with him and doing whatever he wanted to do during the holidays with his family and friends.
still we went ahead with this even if it's been a rocky road. he's been holding a grudge against them all this time. well it's actually similar to that "friends" episode of when claudia schiffer the hot gf of joey hates and acts all fake with his friends, it's something like that. he says he's gotten over it but it's obvious he hasn't.
Re: What's the best way to get a man...........
yes they have met him more than half way, they always send him cards for his birthday, they are truly nice, sweet people to him and when they first met him, they even gave him so many electronic gadgets as gifts for his first birthday with us just b/c i like him so they also made the effort. totally spoiled him.
the situation is that, his family has a genetic disorder that was present in a couple of his family members and because my very close friend and parents and I asked about it to him and asked him to visit a doctor to see if he also has it, he got angry and felt insulted and so did his parents and from then on he's been acting this way with me and my loved ones. it's a necessary question just in case any future children have it.
i haven't gotten a chance to spend one holiday with them, it was mostly me going with him and doing whatever he wanted to do during the holidays with his family and friends.
still we went ahead with this even if it's been a rocky road. he's been holding a grudge against them all this time. well it's actually similar to that "friends" episode of when claudia schiffer the hot gf of joey hates and acts all fake with his friends, it's something like that. he says he's gotten over it but it's obvious he hasn't.
Sorry to hear that, globalgal. Now that you've shared more about the subject, I can see why it must be distressing to you that they don't get along. Your hubby was certainly acting stubborn and should NOT have gotten insulted but don't forget that it is a rather sensitive matter for him and his relatives. IMO, perhaps you should not have shared it with your friend and their family about it but that's something done and past so not much you can do about that. You're just going to have to give your hubby time to get over it, if he doesn't though, don't feel guilty or upset. Probably shouldn't keep trying to get him to make amends by begging him either because it's something he needs to do himself! He needs to work on not taking offense about it... You can try to help him work on it but cooking his fave meals, crying, doing all his fantasies in the bedroom is not likely gonna help too much in this matter, in fact it might actually keep making him act this way longer (for the special attention you're giving him). Be someone he see can eye to eye with and can stand shoulder to shoulder with, in other words someone he respects and sees on the same level as him so what you say will start to matter to him so he'll respect your need to spend time with your friend n their family. First I think you should apologize to him that you regret sharing it with your friend and his/her family (if you haven't already done so). Best of luck to you.
Re: What's the best way to get a man...........
Globalgal, handcuff him to the radiator until he gives in. Or, become adept at diplomacy.
Re: What's the best way to get a man...........
Seems like you are stuck with a stubborn man and being a stubborn man my advise is to forget about the whole thing :D . Do not complicate matters. STOP IT...... Seriously....
Re: What's the best way to get a man...........
Seems like you are stuck with a stubborn man and being a stubborn man my advise is to forget about the whole thing :D . Do not complicate matters. STOP IT...... Seriously....
so are you saying men don't change and that i'm wasting my time? do the stubborn men have no pity :(
Globalgal, handcuff him to the radiator until he gives in. Or, become adept at diplomacy.
i'm really bad at being diplomatic. but i think i've tried all different ways of approaching it and talking to him. i've even tried active listening because a counselor friend of mine suggested. it dint work
Sorry to hear that, globalgal. Now that you've shared more about the subject, I can see why it must be distressing to you that they don't get along. Your hubby was certainly acting stubborn and should NOT have gotten insulted but don't forget that it is a rather sensitive matter for him and his relatives. IMO, perhaps you should not have shared it with your friend and their family about it but that's something done and past so not much you can do about that. You're just going to have to give your hubby time to get over it, if he doesn't though, don't feel guilty or upset. Probably shouldn't keep trying to get him to make amends by begging him either because it's something he needs to do himself! He needs to work on not taking offense about it... You can try to help him work on it but cooking his fave meals, crying, doing all his fantasies in the bedroom is not likely gonna help too much in this matter, in fact it might actually keep making him act this way longer (for the special attention you're giving him). Be someone he can see eye to eye with and can stand shoulder to shoulder with, in other words someone he respects and sees on the same level as him so what you say will start to matter to him so he'll respect your need to spend time with your friend n their family. First I think you should apologize to him that you regret sharing it with your friend and his/her family (if you haven't already done so). Best of luck to you.
i didn't share it with anybody, a family friend had seen his family members, the ones with this particular genetic issue and had just informed us about it. in arranged marriage type of scenario, a woman will always think about her future children and if they will end up getting this, I need to know so it was important for me that he see a doctor just so i'll know what the chances are that my future child will have it.
i have already apologized but i wish he could see why it was important to me. i'm surprised he wasn't worried that his future children would have it and the consequences of it
Re: What's the best way to get a man...........
That must have been very embarrassing for your husband! I can understand why he would be angry with your family. It would've been one thing if you had asked him that in an intimate setting but for your family and friends to ask that of him is a major blow to his ego and his family's. You should perhaps ask him how he felt about the whole situation and reconcile by apologizing if it really hurt his feelings.
Re: What's the best way to get a man...........
Peace GlobalGal
I think you're going about this the wrong way.
It was your friends who made this observation, it was them who filled your ears with the "concern", it was on that concern you asked your hubby to do a check, because for you it is more important to listen to your friends - "concerns", which have some sort of loose basis, unproven but statistics say otherwise, whereas the concern of your hubby has taken second place in this matter. People may get problems in their offspring regardless of a genetic link. People with generations of inbreeding may get geniuses for children. It is Providence that decides. However, from your husbands point of view your friends have become too personal. They have hit below the belt. They have introduced an issue that could cause potential conflict and disruption between a man and his wife.
I believe his reaction is one that is designed to preserve and protect his status as a husband to you. He may actually believe in the back of his mind that the 'scientists' may find a 'factor' in him and based on that "possibility" you'll reconsider your future or your future plans with him. Your friends may have given you advice, but to him they have made him a threat.
I don't believe that he will stop you meeting them, but to make him meet them again is too much to ask in my opinion. Settle with a compromise, if his not seeing them is causing you to not see them as much, remember that could actually be better for you anyway, but then tell him that you will see them by yourself. If he seriously doesn't want you to see them, regardless of how 'nice' you believe them to be. Let it go. Give him first place for a change.
Pray that we never have to be challenged with the trial of unhealthy or invalid children, but remember whatever you are given it is a gift from God and a trial for you and you only ... since God will only give you trials enough for you to bear. The modernist approach and desire for manipulating outcomes in life is void of belief and trust in God in His Wisdom. Everyone has a purpose in this world, even those who are needy and incapable.
Re: What's the best way to get a man...........
^i really don't see why you've put nice in quotes. nobody stuffed anything in my head, i'm an adult and it was information that should have been told to me right in the beginning but it wasn't
this was something that happened before the wedding, it was something he and family should have disclosed to me and my family but they hid it and a couple of his uncles have this disorder. Is it fair to me?
if my family had something like this in our family, i would disclose it to somebody i will marry right in the beginning because that would affect him too b4 any emotional attachment happened. and they acted like it was nothing to worry about even if one or two of the children of these uncles have it too.
my family is nice and it was something that i would have wanted to know about and not find out on the wedding day when all his uncles came. this is a superficial world and it's ultimately my and his future children that would suffer.
why hide it? and now that i asked him to get checked out, he's making me go through all this hell emotionally. is the torture really necessary when all i was thinking of was our future?
Re: What's the best way to get a man...........
GlobalGal, don't have advice/solution for you. just wanted to say your concerns are perfectly valid and legitimate. this is information that should have been disclosed. and now your husband should cooperate with you to alleviate your concerns especially regarding the future, kids, etc.
Re: What's the best way to get a man...........
Getting a man to do something can't be that hard. Are you talking about your husband? (sorry, didn't read all the responses here) has he always been like this or is it the "something" that's causing him to be disobedient?
Re: What's the best way to get a man...........
Globalgal, you are right they should have informed you about it before the wedding day. From their point of view though, maybe they didn't see anything wrong since it was already something 'common' in their family, they didn't even think it was an abnormal thing anymore. And probably there's not much they could do, if the genetic disorder expresses itself in some family members and in others it doesn't. If he doesn't want to get tested, you could still speak to a doctor yourself and find out what your options are if you decide to have babies. Don't forget you can get genetic testing for the fetus while you're pregnant.
Re: What's the best way to get a man...........
yes they have met him more than half way, they always send him cards for his birthday, they are truly nice, sweet people to him and when they first met him, they even gave him so many electronic gadgets as gifts for his first birthday with us just b/c i like him so they also made the effort. totally spoiled him.
the situation is that, his family has a genetic disorder that was present in a couple of his family members and because my very close friend and parents and I asked about it to him and asked him to visit a doctor to see if he also has it, he got angry and felt insulted and so did his parents and from then on he's been acting this way with me and my loved ones. it's a necessary question just in case any future children have it.
i haven't gotten a chance to spend one holiday with them, it was mostly me going with him and doing whatever he wanted to do during the holidays with his family and friends.
still we went ahead with this even if it's been a rocky road. he's been holding a grudge against them all this time. well it's actually similar to that "friends" episode of when claudia schiffer the hot gf of joey hates and acts all fake with his friends, it's something like that. he says he's gotten over it but it's obvious he hasn't.
The way something sensitive like this has to be handled in a sensitive manner. hindsight is 20-20 but for other people reading if some discussion of that sort has to take place, it has to be between the spouses, and it has to be done in a manner where you are saying look this may be a factor we have to deal with, let us just see what the risks are for our future kids so we are mentally prepared if there are certain risks and what we can do etc, and if there is no or minimal risk then we dont worry about it.
other people should not get involved, and some may say hey we felt we were close enough as friends and really had your best interest at mind, and we are sorry if we overstepped boundaries, that was not the intent. it would be easy for us to not bring it up and let it be, but we took the risk of touching a tough subject because we care for you as a friend etc.
If I heard something like that, that would probably be enough for me to let any ill feelings just go away. gestures may not do enough, a heart to heart in person or in writing is probably needed.
what you should however be ready for is that someone may not just budge, and then u just have to accept that
Re: What's the best way to get a man...........
^i really don't see why you've put nice in quotes. nobody stuffed anything in my head, i'm an adult and it was information that should have been told to me right in the beginning but it wasn't
this was something that happened before the wedding, it was something he and family should have disclosed to me and my family but they hid it and a couple of his uncles have this disorder. Is it fair to me?
if my family had something like this in our family, i would disclose it to somebody i will marry right in the beginning because that would affect him too b4 any emotional attachment happened. and they acted like it was nothing to worry about even if one or two of the children of these uncles have it too.
my family is nice and it was something that i would have wanted to know about and not find out on the wedding day when all his uncles came. this is a superficial world and it's ultimately my and his future children that would suffer.
why hide it? and now that i asked him to get checked out, he's making me go through all this hell emotionally. is the torture really necessary when all i was thinking of was our future?
Peace GlobalGal
I put nice in quotes, because I quoted you. According to your husband they are not nice. I was trying to portray the story from the perspective of your husband and that is essentially the key to your problem. You need to know what makes him tick.
Just because you would have told them that such a thing in your family exists, it does not mean others share the same values. They may think it is purely God's doing and nothing to do with genetics, in which case they will find no need to tell you anything, because in their mind they are not hiding anything.
You need to view people with their own instruments of measurement, you cannot possibly use your standards on others. It seems however that the 'principles' you and your friends have are shared, which is why you have clicked with them. However, you have either not tried to understand the other perspective or have dismissed it. There is no reason to force your husband to do this. But if you can get him to realise that just as he holds certain things dear you too hold certain things dear and that you should meet both ways.
As I said before he probably does not want to lose you over a potential risk, if it was a certainty then that is something else. But these things are never certain; Who is to say that he will not sire the next genius this world or the next world record breaking athelete?
If you realise this then your problems will go away. Also, there is nothing wrong with good 'du'a' (supplication) for your children to be healthy and intelligent and this is prayer of every prospective mother, surely.
Re: What's the best way to get a man...........
Peace GlobalGal
I put nice in quotes, because I quoted you. According to your husband they are not nice. I was trying to portray the story from the perspective of your husband and that is essentially the key to your problem. You need to know what makes him tick.
Just because you would have told them that such a thing in your family exists, it does not mean others share the same values. They may think it is purely God's doing and nothing to do with genetics, in which case they will find no need to tell you anything, because in their mind they are not hiding anything.
You need to view people with their own instruments of measurement, you cannot possibly use your standards on others. It seems however that the 'principles' you and your friends have are shared, which is why you have clicked with them. However, you have either not tried to understand the other perspective or have dismissed it. There is no reason to force your husband to do this. But if you can get him to realise that just as he holds certain things dear you too hold certain things dear and that you should meet both ways.
As I said before he probably does not want to lose you over a potential risk, if it was a certainty then that is something else. But these things are never certain; Who is to say that he will not sire the next genius this world or the next world record breaking athelete?
If you realise this then your problems will go away. Also, there is nothing wrong with good 'du'a' (supplication) for your children to be healthy and intelligent and this is prayer of every prospective mother, surely.
very philosophical and spiritual reply from you psyah which i endorse.