Re: What's a good reason
^ touching on ur last point, some ppl have no qualms abt saying, "wife can be replaced but a mother can't." Technically that may be true, but cmon is that right or fair to say to anyone? those words are hardly empty, and constantly using this point to put the wife down or scare her into "submitting" isn't right.
where has suhainas thread on living with in laws gone?? i wanted to read all the comments!
When girls get married into fully established homes, there isn't much room for them to set up house the way they like it. So you feel like a guest.
so true yaar!
Re: What's a good reason
Initially a couple SHOULD live alone. It's hard enough to adjust to a new place, demands of a newly wedded life and living with a guy.
After you settle down - you can think about the pros and cons.
If the guy is influenced by his parents in a negative way - they don't need to be in the house to do that - they can do that all the way from another continent.
Re: What's a good reason
Again, if you dont get along with them...moving out is fine but moving away is not. I dont think you will be happy if you separate your husband from his mother...he might even resent you later on for making him choose between his mother and you. As women, we hate leaving our homes and parents behind, what makes a guy any different?
Jis tarha hum kisi ki aulad hein...us tarha vo bhi hai. Leaving isnt always the answer...sometimes you have to stick around and face the situation in order to earn your inlaws' respect. Call it growing pains or whatever but everyone has to go through it. Having at least one set of parents around can be a huge blessing.
Unless one's inlaws are evil, I dont see a reason to abandon one's parents and live separately. From my perspective, they raised you, fed you, took care of you, provided for your needs - now when they are old, you don't just part your ass. So unless you are facing serious family politics and unrest, you should live with your parents. If it is not working, yeah better to move out, but make sure you take care of them.
so with that logic... this gives me more reason to not leave my mom :D
many ppl believe that parents help in many way esp with kids but parents these days hav become more out-going as well. they don't like to teach or baby-sit grandkids anymore.atleast its true for my in-laws n a few of my friends where the mils refuse their own sons to come for dils delivery because its too cold in canada or they miss other kids back home or they r really busy.n in few cases the mils did come but went back right near childbirth without seeing the grandchild or hardly helped around the house and instead spent time visiting friends. in my opinion even its better to separate right in the beginning so there's little room for developing bitterness.y wait for clashes n lose respect for each other?
Mabrook so true. Altho my mother loves to feed her grandkids and play with them..take em out and buy them things.........she refuses to stay at home and practically raise them like the typical desi grandparent. She says..."im done raising my kids....it's time for me to do things for myself now." ....and I agree. However, when the need arises and my sisters need her help with the kids.....she will do so as long as you tell her ahead of time and it doesnt conflict with any of her plans.
One more thing I wanted to point out to those that said grandparents can help raise the kids....sometimes parents and grandparents have conflicts when it comes to the upbringing of the kids...they may not agree on certain things, therefore causing problems in the home.
Having family around is always a blessing. Whether one should live with them or not depends on the circumstances you are surrounded by.
Re: What's a good reason
Living separetly doesn't necessarily mean abandoning parents. Mostly girls have to live separetly after marriage, doesn't mean they're abandoning their parents.
^ agreed.
Girls are not considered to have abandoned their parents after marriage. As my son inches closer to adulthood (not too soon!), I absolutely cannot imagine living with him and his wife. My husband and I have our own plans during early retirement, and they don't include harassing my DIL. I am a meticulous person, and like things done in a certain way. I know that I could be difficult to live with.
I think that we need to move away from the idea that moving out is "abandoning" the parents. South Asians are the only muslims who live with parents after marriage. In other cultures a man is not considered marriageable until he can provide his wife with her own accommodations. As I mentioned before this may work well in an agrarian society with shorter life spans, but it is no longer practical or advisable.
Re: What’s a good reason
^ :k:
Who is we? if that includes your parents, they will never expressly say that they need their sons to take care of them.
Many will agree with your ideas, but it seems rather insensitive to me.
Janwar when so many boys leave parents alone to work n study abroad do u find it insensitive too?
do u guys marry for urselves or for ur parents?if ur answer is both then ask the girl does she wants to marry the family too?
u know personally i would love to live in joint family .i always wanted to.there were girls who used to say they wanna marry a guy whose mom has passed away.i used to think that was so cruel.but the fact is 2 months living with my in-laws made my cry to death.i felt like in a torture cell.n i'm not a person who cries over everything.
but if they were good n reasonable i would personally ask my husband"lets live with them"if in-laws stop making it too hard for dils i'm sure everyone loves love n care n some good advice.
i hav 2 sons.even though i know its not gonna be easy on me or my husband in old age i always think we'll separate them even b4 our dils hate us.sell our house n shift to a seniors building/ compound with security,housecleaning,laundary service n a fitness area.i'm not sure if it will work but might keep us on good terms rather than daily kit-kit.
^ touching on ur last point, some ppl have no qualms abt saying, "wife can be replaced but a mother can't." Technically that may be true, but cmon is that right or fair to say to anyone? those words are hardly empty, and constantly using this point to put the wife down or scare her into "submitting" isn't right.
nope it is insensitive to make that claim. i never said that, i merely said that most he is answerable to is his mother. that shouldnt mean he is free of any responsibility when it come to wife. threatening or divorcing the wife for unfair reasons is considered zulm.