I recently attended a pre-wedding gathering hosted by girl’s side with about 40 people in attendance. Everything was going normal except an incident toward the end of the evening. It went something like this, right after a family who had to leave a bit early walked up to the groom-to-be and expressed their best wishes, the elder brother of the bride-to-be casually warned the groom-to-be to remember him before hurting his sister. Many people heard this but given the atmosphere ignored it. I silently observed the groom-to-be and he was so shocked/saddened by the threat that he kept staring off into space several times until the end of the event.
Just to add more context, the girl’s side is richer than the guy’s side but the guy’s side is quite well-to-do as well. Most of the guests were from girl’s side as the guy’s side flew in from another state and were staying in a hotel. The girl’s side heard the threat but no one seemed to mind it.
What would you have honestly done as a groom-to-be if you were in similar situation?
I attended a wedding once where the bride’s jhetani’s mom (confusing, I know) went up to her and said,“You better treat my daughter (the older bahu) as your sister. You better live like sisters”..and there was an edge in her voice. The bride was too stunned to even respond. And why would she? It was her wedding day. There was so much time and money and energy that went into planning this one day…so why ruin it by getting it into an argument with the woman? After the wedding, the bride did tell her husband and her own family about what happened. They all found it inappropriate, but they moved on from it without saying a word to jhetani’s mom. And that was the smart thing to do…if not the easiest.
This is only a “pre-wedding” event so perhaps groom can attempt to gently discuss the matter with the in-laws…in the hopes that something like this won’t happen on the wedding day. Good luck tho…it’s a tricky situation …especially if there aren’t warm/fuzzy feelings between the two families.
It feels like a show of superiority rather than concern. If the brother was truly concerned he would talk to the BIL in private instead of a public humiliation.
I think there is still a feeling of concern for his sister’s future well-being in that air of superiority. Doing it privately would be better, yes. But even privately telling someone that “You better think of me before hurting my sister”…would not be the best way to go about it. God knows if he was just trying to be funny or what? If he truly meant it, then he was not in a logical or controlled state of mind. So had the groom responded back, it may have snowballed. Could have been worse though. Imagine if he included those words in a speech for ALL of the guests to hear.
I just went back and reread that it was a “pre-wedding” event, so I edited my response…as that lil’ detail might allow some room for addressing the matter, lol.
If I knew he was joking cause of his tone or I just know him well know enough then I wouldn’t mind and quip a joke right back at him however if he was serious and I barely know him then I wouldn’t like it but imma play it off. This guy sounded serious lol, I’d just tell him to take it easy.
Groom’s gotta have some homeboys from his side to defuse the situation.
Had I been in the groom-to-be’s shoes, the incident would’ve definitely rattled me and a hundred million thoughts would have started going through my mind. I wouldn’t have reacted right away though.
Its pretty rude to pass such remarks think of me before hurting my sister/brother unless there is some extra friendliness between the two people. And by your post it does not look that the groom and bro in law share such a relationship. I would have said if you have given your sister the right upbringing then the need of me hurting her would not arise or what if your sister hurts me should i remember you in that situation too…its probably easier to say these on an internet forum because when the time comes one does not remember what to say…i probably would not be able to or may not have guts to say it or would just do sabar on it. I will surely lose respect for my BIL. And would speak to my future wife for sure and perhaps in laws too…i hope the sister and the parents told the BIL off since they saw and heard it.
It’s so interesting that those protective thoughts are so common when girls are getting married.
I remember telling my sister’s husband that he had to look after her in sort of a “you better look after her!” way. My little cousin said the exact same thing to my husband when we got married. In both these cases, it was younger sisters saying it so it wasn’t (as) threatening.
But in a wedding I attended the bride’s brother basically said in his speech to the groom that if things are not okay “I know where you live” in a joking sort of a way. This guy is far from a threatening sort of a guy. I still found it odd that he would say that during the wedding speech. But then this groom was rude and kind of badtameez. I think the brother felt that it was best to express it somehow - even if “jokingly” - than to sit quietly.
the groom- to- be did the right thing by staying quiet and seems he is a sensible guy.
it was the rude comment from the brother even if he is concerned about the well being of his sister. once married, the husband is the one who gets more concerned about the well being of his wife and the brother should not be thinking about the negative scenarios until something like this comes up after the marriage.
Its insulting and inappropriate and shows a lack of respect. The groom showed decency by staying quiet. It’s best to avoid such relatives in the future.
i don’t think these types of things should be taken so seriously, but again it depends on their relationship dynamic. either way, just ignore it. ain’t that deep.