What would you do..

[Gulaabjaman]

If you found a girl you feel interested in as a very 1st potential love of your life but soon after realize by having discussions that..

1. the girl has had affairs with 3 different individuals in the past, 2 physically involved with to a certain extent, out of which one who she was absolutely sure wouldn’t work out because of his different cultural backgrounds

2. someone who does not like her mother

3. someone who assumes a negative treatment from her future saas and nands despite her not even knowing anyone of them personally

4. someone who expects you to settle out of his homeland, leave your mother who expects you to be the most looked upon son, let alone the fact that the mother is a heart patient.

5. someone who managed to disrespect your mother and your sister in the past

6. someone who asks the following in a article published in the daily dawn paper
   

Would you want to initiate a relationship with the above mentioned individual?

[libranrulz]

Re: What would you do..

I think the number one is something that i would be able to deal with ... since i wasn't in the picture in the past and watever she did in the past has nothin to do with me i can't really hold that against her ... so yea ... two maybe u can cuz once she gets to know your mother i'm sure she'll like her and same with ur sister ... 4 and 5 are a lil tough depends on the circumstances ... wat did and didn't happen ... and last one is completely valid from grl's point of view ... like if ur shooting for the star then might as well get up to a height where u can take a clear shot

[redvelvet]

@Gulaabjaman

If you found a girl you feel interested in as a very 1st potential love of your life but soon after realize by having discussions that..

IF you have deemed her the “Potential Love of my Life”…surely, there must have been several positive things about her that made you bestow such a grand title upon her.

1. the girl has had affairs with 3 different individuals in the past, 2 physically involved with to a certain extent, out of which one who she was absolutely sure wouldn’t work out because of his different cultural backgrounds

There are also desi guys who get deeply involved with girls (sometimes of the SAME desi culture)…and then tell her, “Sorry, I can’t be with you. Mummy von’t let me. And Papa doesn’t vant to upset Mummy. And I don’t want to live vithout a roof above my head.” You wonder why guy started something in the first place. But of course, it’s a much bigger deal if the girl doesn’t realize that the relationship won’t be possible before getting involved. I can’t speak for everyone…but it’s not uncommon for young people to go through failed relationships. It’s a part of developing, growing up. Sometimes it takes people several mistakes to learn their lesson.

2. someone who does not like her mother

Most people in this world do not wish to hate their parents. Even kids who were rejected by their parents and have been raised by adopted parents…have a desire to get in touch with their biological parents. You would know her mom as an aunti. You do not know her as a “mom.” You know her based on the stories you’ve heard. You don’t live with the woman/mom. Perhaps mom is not the most effective parent. Perhaps she has some hurtful qualities. Perhaps some of the mistakes the girl has committed in her life stem from a deficient/dysfunctional upbringing.

3. someone who assumes a negative treatment from her future saas and nands despite her not even knowing anyone of them personally

Tauba, tauba. In that case, most of us Guppans in the Life forum would be guilty of such a notion. If you stick around long enough, GulabJamun, and read the stories about toxic in-laws…you might understand why it’s not unnatural for girls to be afraid of future in-laws before even getting to know them. Keep in mind that every other desi drama/soap opera is about the tu tu main main of saas and bahu. Hollywood will succeed in making I AM LEGEND and WAR OF THE WORLDS…n the entertainment industries of Pak and India still haven’t made it past the susraal home. What is commonly seen in the media is a reflection of the issues a society is plagued with. Seems like saas bahu drama is more like an epidemic in our desi culture than it is in other cultures.

4. someone who expects you to settle out of his homeland, leave your mother who expects you to be the most looked upon son, let alone the fact that the mother is a heart patient.

If she’s that incompatible…don’t call her the “potential love of your life” and find someone who suits your needs better. If she can’t compromise…look elsewhere. Is duniya main larkiyon ki kami nahin hai.

5. someone who managed to disrespect your mother and your sister in the past

Two sides to a story. I’ve seen it happen where the guy’s mom and sister don’t like the “potential bahu” and pick on her behind the son/brother’s back. And when he returns…they brainwash him against her. Not saying this happened in this case. But…if we’re not around to witness something…it’s harder to judge. If, on the other hand, she IS guilty…then as I said earlier…drop her and find someone else.

6. someone who asks the following in a article published in the daily dawn paper
   

Would you want to initiate a relationship with the above mentioned individual?

.

^ “INITIATE” ??? “INITIATE”??? Initiate means to “start” and you’ve already “initiated” some form of relationship with her if you have deemed her the potential love of your life. Such a title is not given to strangers.

Irrespective of the article…if you want her…work out a compromise. Can’t be done, then move on! Girls also have pressure from their parents to get married to a guy who is financially well-settled. And if the guy isn’t well settled…then it becomes harder for her parents to agree to the match…let alone her own pressure.

[Deeba1234]

Re: What would you do..

I think RV has pretty much already covered everything I want to say. Being honest, I don't think anything the girl has done is that scandalous and some couples go thru far worse and cos they love each other they still manage to patch things up. I do think in our culture there's far too much stuff read into respect and so-called 'disrespect' to parents, a simple argument or even just a phrase is twisted and used as an indicator by which morals can apparently be measured.