One of my 6 yr old twins was just sent to the office for punching another student (a 3rd grade boy) in the bathroom. Backstory is that this 3rd grader started tickling and touching him, and would not stop even after my son told him to. After repeating stop, twice, my son punched him (not hard, but in the stomach). A teacher heard commotion and sent my son to the office. I generally stay out of any issues (which mA have never arrised!) that may happen with my kids at school, because
I don’t want them think that they can get away with stuff just because their mom works at their school. But because I’m privvy to discipline issues, I know that this particular 3rd grader has a repeated history of instigating. Just last week, he was trying to tickle a girl in his class, and would not leave her alone, so she stabbed him the hand with a pencil. This girl is the most well behaved, quiet child ever, yet she was pushed to the limit. I’m pretty sure that’s what happened with my son. Prior to this,
he’s never, ever, had any behavior/discipline referals.
The other child will be dealt with (hopefully!), but about my son…me & his teacher both impressed upon him the importance of never, ever putting his hand on anyone, two wrongs don’t make a right. Yet, the mama bear in me understands why he did it.
I don’t want to punish him for defending himself.
He should have reported it to the teacher or some adult and let them handle the situation. Most of the times the goons at school do not care who was the perpetrator , and the person who was violent gets punished , which in this case was your son.
You should talk to him to involved elders if he is unable to handle a situation instead of resorting to violence .
I would say let the principal/vice-principal deal with it like they would with any other student. At home you can be his mom and show him you understand but tell him how to deal with it in the future.
I got down on his level, eye to eye, and asked him what would have been a better choice and his response was "I should have gotten an adult, but it wasn't my fault" So he gets it and I know that he must have been pretty frustrated, so I won't punish him or harp on it when we get home...His teacher did not write him up on a discipline referal, which would have been the protocol, and that is what I'm struggling with...should he still have gotten written up? The other girl, last week, who was not at fault either, per say, did get a write up.
I just didn't want my son to get any special treatment due to the fact that I'm a staff member here and friends with his teacher & principal.....
Ask the teacher why she did not write him up, but at the same time - let his teacher handle it, and you dont feel burdened because he is your son. Maybe teacher realized that if the incident happened 2nd time with the same boy being instigator, the problem is not with your son but with the other boy.
If the teacher didn't write him up maybe she had her reasons. Just let the teacher deal with it like she sees fit. If anything speak to the teacher as a parent not someone who works at the school.
Your kid snapped after he was provoked, he should be given a slap on the hand by the teacher (but not by you) and that kid who has been provoking others should be kept an eye on by the teacher.
Probably just have a talk with your son later on how he should walk away when he is provoked.
He was defending himself an I think its important for a child to be able to stand up for himself. He did not initiate it so in my eyes, he doesn't need to be punished. Maybe just talk to him about the incident and how violence should be the last resort when it comes to dealing with people. We are not raising welcome mats so Im happy your son stood up for himself.
Sometimes when I see some of my kids stick up for themselves against rude nittle kids I want to hug them. Unfortunately I have to do the whole 'Now, what should have done instead?' routine :/
If the situation has been talked out I dont see the need for a punishment.
Also, I never give children who were defending themsleves a punishment. Yeh, they shouldnt hit back but if they;ve said to stop and the other child hasnt stop then they are not really in the wrong. Kids as young as 6 dont know how to control their gut reactions yet. Its not malicious behaviour.
If I was the teacher I would have given the boy tickling a write up, how dare he think he can use his hands and feet to touch other children.
I have a song. 'keep your hands and feet to yourself, to yourself, place them gently on your knees and remember to always say please, keep your hands and feet to yourself, to yourself.'
Yeh it's not great, but it gets the message across.
If I have a child who consistently keeps touching other children for no reason I give them a seperate carpot spot and a seperate line for lining up for a couple of days until they understand that they cannot go around hurting other children or even touching them for no reason.
Some kids have no boundries.
Also, I always teach my children to ask other children if they want to hold hands or want a hug, as some people dont like hugs.
I would stay out of this - the teacher handled it the best way she saw fit. You played no part in it. With respect to how to handle the issue with your son, be kind but firm - that he will no longer throw punches, but follow proper protocol (that he himself realizes he should have followed).
If the teacher didn't write him up maybe she had her reasons. Just let the teacher deal with it like she sees fit. If anything speak to the teacher as a parent not someone who works at the school.
Sorry to say this but there are times when teachers are not too big at documenting things. I have gotten really big on documenting incidents but I know a teacher who is not, and it drives me nuts.
Khattimeethi, I think you did the right thing of staying out of the situation at that time. But it is okay for you to discuss your concerns with the teacher in a private setting as a parent. I would not mention the incident of other child with the teacher but stress that you teach your kids not touch other children, especially when they are in the bathrooms. You understand that your child should hit the other child when being provoked but at the same time you are concerned about your child's safety and privacy.
As for your son, if this was the only incident, I would not punish him. Just stress the fact that it is not okay for that child to touch him or for him to hit the child. Instead he can use his words and if that doesn't work ask an adult for help immediately. Also, if something happens in the bathroom again, he should inform the teacher right away and let you know when you guys get home as you want to ensure his safety. Keep it simple and short.
Lusi, I didn't say she shouldn't talk to the teacher. I meant don't tell the teacher to write up or not write up Khatti's son since she works at the school. Ofcourse she has every right to speak to the teacher as a concerned parent.
sorry, my 2nd part was just for khatti ( I was just trying to say it all in one post), not related to your post. I was just pointing that there are teachers who are not too big on documenting incidents.
maybe just me, but while tickling and touching can be annoying, it isn't like the other kid was trying to hurt him. i cant see why he'd slap or hit back in order to get him to stop, but i think it is also important to make him understand punching, especially in tummy, face etc is not acceptable behavior. he's going to have to learn other ways to stop being annoyed/teased.
and obviously he's only 6. its practically nothing. i just don't think it was a defensive situation though, that is all.
maybe just me, but while tickling and touching can be annoying, it isn't like the other kid was trying to hurt him. i cant see why he'd slap or hit back in order to get him to stop, but i think it is also important to make him understand punching, especially in tummy, face etc is not acceptable behavior. he's going to have to learn other ways to stop being annoyed/teased.
and obviously he's only 6. its practically nothing. i just don't think it was a defensive situation though, that is all.
As a 6 year old if someone is constantly touching you, even if it is just tickling, it's annoying.
When my kids have to sit on the carpet for up to 20 mins sometimes due to intro of lesson, 20 mins is a long time for a 6 year old to sit on the carpet and someone poking you, playing with your hair, tapping on your back/knee, tickling you for 20 mins is going to get annoying.
It's not about the intention to hurt or not, its about boundries, if they are tickling each other thats different, but if one child doesnt like it and has said stop then the intention is to annoy, which is wrong.
Also, it's these little things that turn into bigger things. I see it and deal with it everyday. Children need to learn boundries no matter what. I have a child in my class who is a little smaller than the others, he has big brown eyes and everyone in the whole school thinks he's adorable, I personally think he looks like a gremlin. Anyway, the older children play with him a lot and he loves the attention, he pretend play fights with them and as they are older children they dont get hurt as he's only small. This child then goes and pretend fights with a child his age and his size and that child is getting hurt. He doesnt see anything wrong with it, he claims 'but my other friends dont say stop.'