If you’re out in public and you see someone being nasty to their child–whether cursing at them or yelling at them, ignroing them while the kid is trying to get his or her attention, or even getting physical…what would it take for you to step in and intervene? do you believe at all in intervention or that parents know best and everyone should mind their own business?
I ask because today I was on the train coming home and there was a little girl (about 2-3 eyars old) crying very loudly and thrwoing a bad tantrum…she wouldn’t sit in her seat and her mother would keep reaching down and grabbing her by her jacket collar to place her in her seat…a few times she grabbed her by one wrist to sit her down I thought seh was being unnecessarily rough but surprisingly nobody around me was batting an eye…normally when I see something similar happen, people DO take notice and say something…now I feel bad about not saying anything but at the time I thought, well if I had a crying child I’d be stressed out and not be okay if someone were to sit and openly judge me.
has anyone ever intervened when seeing something lke this happen? if so, what was your experience?
This type of thing starts at home, you have the liberty of doing more than just grabbing the kid by the wrist. Once you can train them to listen to your voice and its various tones, in public they usually behave. Start and do it at home first, where there is no fear of the kid embarrassing you in the public.
And no you shouldn't get involved when parents are trying to calm their kid down or trying to discipline their kid.
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And no you shouldn't get involved when parents are trying to calm their kid down or trying to discipline their kid.
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Dont you think there is a huge difference between a parent trying to calm their child down and between cursing at a child or getting physical
I think what I would do would depend on the situation and what the parent is actually doing to their child. If its just ignoring their child, or raising their voice against them, I dont know if I would interfere. But if the parent is actually screaming abusively at the child or hitting them, I dont think you should just sit there and witness it, because that is child abuse
I was once at Walmart and one woman with her almost 3 year old was in line ahead of me.Her daughter kept on roaming here and there.She kept on telling her to come back a few times,but she was not listening.The mom hit her and dragged her back and the child started crying.No one did anything,and there r were lots of people there.
I do not think I will ever jump into such a situation.
Dont you think there is a huge difference between a parent trying to calm their child down and between cursing at a child or getting physical
I think what I would do would depend on the situation and what the parent is actually doing to their child. If its just ignoring their child, or raising their voice against them, I dont know if I would interfere. But if the parent is actually screaming abusively at the child or hitting them, I dont think you should just sit there and witness it, because that is child abuse
This type of thing starts at home, you have the liberty of doing more than just grabbing the kid by the wrist. Once you can train them to listen to your voice and its various tones, in public they usually behave. Start and do it at home first, where there is no fear of the kid embarrassing you in the public.
And no you shouldn't get involved when parents are trying to calm their kid down or trying to discipline their kid.
idk it doesnt seem like they were trying to calm her down, there were two women (one got off at an earlier stop) and both of them were being rough with her, at one point they were laughing while they threw her on the seat, and kept telling her to shut up.
by the way wheN i say grab by the wrist, I mean the kid was sitting and they pulled her up by the wrist...i dont know how else to describe it but it was the kind of thing that can dislocate a child's shoulder
Dont you think there is a huge difference between a parent trying to calm their child down and between cursing at a child or getting physical
I think what I would do would depend on the situation and what the parent is actually doing to their child. If its just ignoring their child, or raising their voice against them, I dont know if I would interfere. But if the parent is actually screaming abusively at the child or hitting them, I dont think you should just sit there and witness it, because that is child abuse
How do you do it? Like white parents? GO TO YOUR ROOM type of deal? You don't have to verbally abuse the child.. nor am I advocating that. Its the TONE, LOOK on your face/eyes you set with the kid and it really starts at home. You don't discipline the kid because others are watching and what they might think. I know there are MANY DESI families who DO NOT say ANYTHING when they see their kid doing something wrong, yelling, hitting other kids and that is just sad.
Kids are strong creatures, their shoulders don't dislocate that easily. You need to do something to get their attention off the situation and on to you.
I think one should ignore such a situation. Unless the child is in danger, interfering by a stranger can be even more traumatic for the child then the yelling or shoving of a mother.
How do you do it? Like white parents? GO TO YOUR ROOM type of deal? You don't have to verbally abuse the child.. nor am I advocating that. Its the TONE, LOOK on your face/eyes you set with the kid and it really starts at home. You don't discipline the kid because others are watching and what they might think. I know there are MANY DESI families who DO NOT say ANYTHING when they see their kid doing something wrong, yelling, hitting other kids and that is just sad.
Kids are strong creatures, their shoulders don't dislocate that easily. You need to do something to get their attention off the situation and on to you.
???
Huh? Sara wasnt asking how would you discipline your child in public, she asked what would you do if you saw someone "being nasty to their child--whether cursing at them or yelling at them, ignroing them while the kid is trying to get his or her attention, or even getting physical"....do you interfere or not. Its not about whether you ignore when your own child is misbehaving
You don't know the child. You don't know the signals that the parent knows -- the signals that the parent knows is going to lead to a meltdown or whatever and that she or he are trying to head off at the pass. You don't know what issues the child may have. You know your own child. You cannot assume that the stranger's child will respond like yours if the child is treated like yours is.
I guess I have learned not to judge other parents.
my 5 yr old has started behaving like this in public when i dont listen to her or buy her something she wants n believe me sometimes it seems as if i doing something really bad to her ....i just try to talk to her sternly n when that doesnt help i ignore her but still ppl give me dirty looks n occasionally a lady with big smile on her face will come over n ask my daughter hey sweetie r u ok?.................n this .....this sweet talk is what created the monster ,my daughter knows that mommy doesnt have a choice in public specially when ppl are looking n i feel so misreable ,i feel like hitting my head on the wall
one time while descending the stairs in a subway station ,she refused to go down n i had to literally drag her n she was crying like anything n ppl were staring at me with open mouths n wide eyes. I couldnt hold her up in my arms coz i was 7 month pregnant ,shes a very precious daughter coz i had to deal with lots of heart breaking fertility treatments to concieve a second one n at one time it seemed that ill never be able to concieve again so u ppl can understand how much i love her but thers a limit to everything ,my second pregnancy makes her insecure n she ,at times feels jealous ,before that i never had problems like this with her.
sometimes what u see doesnt depict the whole situation n experience has taught me not to be judgemental n to feel some sympathy for the poor mother too, maybe she s the one in a v stressful situation
You don't know the child. You don't know the signals that the parent knows -- the signals that the parent knows is going to lead to a meltdown or whatever and that she or he are trying to head off at the pass. You don't know what issues the child may have. You know your own child. You cannot assume that the stranger's child will respond like yours if the child is treated like yours is.
I guess I have learned not to judge other parents.
my 5 yr old has started behaving like this in public when i dont listen to her or buy her something she wants n believe me sometimes it seems as if i doing something really bad to her ....i just try to talk to her sternly n when that doesnt help i ignore her but still ppl give me dirty looks n occasionally a lady with big smile on her face will come over n ask my daughter hey sweetie r u ok?.................n this .....this sweet talk is what created the monster ,my daughter knows that mommy doesnt have a choice in public specially when ppl are looking n i feel so misreable ,i feel like hitting my head on the wall
one time while descending the stairs in a subway station ,she refused to go down n i had to literally drag her n she was crying like anything n ppl were staring at me with open mouths n wide eyes. I couldnt hold her up in my arms coz i was 7 month pregnant ,shes a very precious daughter coz i had to deal with lots of heart breaking fertility treatments to concieve a second one n at one time it seemed that ill never be able to concieve again so u ppl can understand how much i love her but thers a limit to everything ,my second pregnancy makes her insecure n she ,at times feels jealous ,before that i never had problems like this with her.
sometimes what u see doesnt depict the whole situation n experience has taught me not to be judgemental n to feel some sympathy for the poor mother too, maybe she s the one in a v stressful situation
You both have made very excellent points...
I realize that for the most part, a non-parent can never understand what its like to be a parent.....but at the same time, aren't there just some clear cut things that just don't need the "you're not a parent so ull never understand" argument?? Maybe this situation fell into that grey area that you should or shouldn't interfere...Like if I see a kid crying or throwing a tantrum, I can try to ignore it, but a parent shaking them, being rough with them...i don't know.
This also reminds me of another incident, this time it was a father, he was picking his son up to get off the bus and grabbed hm by the wrist (he had a stroller and was holding the door open with the other arm) and people around were gasping, shocked, etc...and you could tell he wasn't trying to be rough or mean, it just happened like that. its just funny how the reactions were so different...
I thought seh was being unnecessarily rough but surprisingly nobody around me was batting an eye…normally when I see something similar happen, people DO take notice and say something…now I feel bad about not saying anything but at the time I thought, well if I had a crying child I’d be stressed out and not be okay if someone were to sit and openly judge me.