When you have children, what elements of your own upbringing will you bring into raising your children? What will you do differently than your parents did with you? Also..if you already have children, what are you doing hte same/differently?
Re: What would you do differently?
i can just hope/pray i can raise my children like my parents raised us..
Re: What would you do differently?
excellent qs, sara516.
good to hear this. well, ideally what ever good things you feel that your parents raised you with, you incorporate that into your own children's up bringing. and also good things that you as a daughter in law, learn from your parent in laws. since they are parents too.
at the same time, say for instance, you and your husband, are new
parents and want to fully rejoice in parenting rather than led through it all the time by your own elders, you can certainly raise your children differently, esp., if you know.
at the end of the day, children need care, comfort, love, security and warmth besides necessities such as food, home and clothing, and of course good education.
and when parents set good example for their young children, children remember that and grow up to be confident and responsible.
this is all observation and book knowledge and it works.
i am sure in real life, sometime young parents, esp. women as first time moms, are expected to follow what is imposed on them, in raising children, but younger parents must tackle the fault lines of familial suggestions
carefully as ideally no young careful and educated parent would want to harm their child physically or cognitively, deliberately.
spirituality, intellectual training, moral and character education, and emotional consistency in the child's personality development and synthesis comes with age appropriate milestones.
after childhood, parents ideally will do best as trustworthy friends and as guide to their children and that is the hardest thing to do, as i hear, during teenage years of growing children.
best,
Dushwari
Re: What would you do differently?
My ovaries and I have made a pact, we're refusing to bring anymore children into the world. Since we'll soon be fighting over clean water, I find it a bit irresponsible to churn out more people until we get off our butts and fix things.
However, I'm all for adoption. I'll be the 21st century Mia Farrow, 12 adopted kids!
My children will be geniuses, prodigies in their own right. That's all I'm asking for ^.^
All I want is to teach them to be open minded in all aspects of life. They'll be cultured, know how to play at least one musical instrument, multilingual, and have knowledge about many religions and at least a basic understanding of science.
I will love my children no matter what decisions they make. I won't hit or spank them, as violence breeds violence. Our household will be democratic, not totalitarian. There will be no such thing as, "because I said so." That doesn't fly with me in mature relationships, so there's no way I'd subject a smaller person to it.
Re: What would you do differently?
^ so do you already have a child (since you said "anymore" and not "any")?
Interesting response, thanks :)
Re: What would you do differently?
All I want is to teach them to be open minded in all aspects of life. They'll be cultured, know how to play at least one musical instrument, multilingual, and have knowledge about many religions and at least a basic understanding of science.
I will love my children no matter what decisions they make. I won't hit or spank them, as violence breeds violence. Our household will be democratic, not totalitarian. There will be no such thing as, "because I said so." That doesn't fly with me in mature relationships, so there's no way I'd subject a smaller person to it.
i agree with that philosophy. i also think children need discipline and structure routine. i want to work hard at making sure they have all three in their lives. this is not to say i want them to grow up anal :P
i want to be a good listener to them. i want them to be able to communicate with me at any age, on any level, and know that even if i disagree with their views, i will still always respect them. i hope they understand and respect me the same. i love my parents entirely and whole-heartedly and if "what goes around, comes around" is the truth, then i dread to think of what my children will put me through. i hope i am strong enough to withstand it and i hope that no matter what it is, that they know i will always, 100% love them, and be there for them through it all. i dont ever want them to feel abandoned or misunderstood to the extent that they have to separate themselves from me to try and shock me into realising what they were trying to say all along. and i just really, really hope they are good people and good Muslims IA. and of course, i would want them to love me.
Re: What would you do differently?
i dont think its really in your power - you are what you are - i mean, you cant deliberately put on a behavior your whole life. and you are also a product of your parents so inevitably you will behave like them in some ways. i dont think you have too much control on this
Re: What would you do differently?
Both me and the hubs have had the same kind of upbringing where our parents have taught us to read and write urdu besides speaking it fully, despite of being in a foreign county. That's one aspect I look forward to instilling into my kids also. I cannot stand how some kids I meet have absolutely no clue what their moms or dads or grandparents are saying to them just because they cannot understand Urdu at all. It creates such a huge language barrier especially between the much older generation who do not speak English. I want my kids to realize that they are Pakistani-Indian-Americans before anything else. The last thing I want is for them to be abcds who do not have the slightest clue about where their homeland is and to answer me back in english when I am talking to them in Urdu. My fiance speaks to his parents in english even if they ask him something in urdu and I am like, Don't act like you don't even KNOW the language. It's just weird to me. I don't care if I have to come across as a paindoo mom who does not speak even one word of English but until they grasp urdu, I am going to tell my kids that mommy does not understand or speak any english so Urdu it is.
Re: What would you do differently?
^ yeah, thats pretty important to me, too. my husband's neice is persian-hungarian and her dad has taught her no hungarian at all... i find this such a shame especially since she's pretty fluent in speaking farsi and she's only 4! whether or not my husband pursues teaching hungarian is up to him, but i will definitely want our kids to know urdu. i feel its the stronger, richer culture out of our mix and its important they know about it.
Re: What would you do differently?
Your kids inshallah will have the best of so many cultures, it's really exciting! I don't know the exact heritage of your hubby but the Romania pics were amazing and since you're Paki yourself, I see some gorgeous kids coming up! If you're intent on teaching them Urdu and if your husband teaches them his native language, can you imagine how great it would be for them to know so many different languages?
I think it's so crucial to teach kids different languages at an early age because that's when their picking speed is rock high. I consider myself lucky when I hear people tell me that oh, you speak more than one language? we americans only know... english! I want my kids to not only know Urdu but also feel pride in belonging to such a great Pakistani heritage!
Re: What would you do differently?
the hubs is hungarian... his side of hungary was given to the romanians thanks to the communists. anyhow, i hope he'll step up too and teach them hungarian too- like you said, their capacity for learning is really high as children... its the ideal time.
Re: What would you do differently?
^ yeah, thats pretty important to me, too. my husband's neice is persian-hungarian and her dad has taught her no hungarian at all... i find this such a shame especially since she's pretty fluent in speaking farsi and she's only 4! whether or not my husband pursues teaching hungarian is up to him, but i will definitely want our kids to know urdu. i feel its the stronger, richer culture out of our mix and its important they know about it.
Well, she's only four so she still has plenty of time to learn.....