What would u do

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1

if ur young son/daughter (lets say under 5’s as they are not aware of wats right and wrong) is told to take his/her older playmates pants down and perform a sexual act on the other child? Your child refuses and tells u straight away

1- beat them
2- praise them for telling u
3-other, if so what?

i was reading something regarding this topic when the thought crossed my mind. I prsonally wud praise my child for telling and encourage him/her to tell me about anything of the sort, whether a child makes them do it or adult they shud tell us straight away. Care to share ur thoughts and views?

this topic is aimed at parents of young children as well as expectant parents :slight_smile:

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Re: What would u do

OMG, what kind of a question in this? And what type of parent would beat their child for doing the right thing? Moreover.....kids that age (under 5) are so innocent....that they don't know the difference b/w right and wrong......and they will sometimes "imitate" or "follow" the older kids.....because in their younger eyes......the older kids are "cooler" and they may even seek the approval of the older kids. Even in this situation.......I don't think that a parent should beat the child....because he/she didn't know better. Plus, in some cases....beating can develop resentment in a child....and the child might avoid something out of "fear" rather than an understanding that what they did was really wrong.

"Other, if so what?"..........naturally the "other" option (for many parents) would also include things like explaining to their child (as simply as possible) why the behavior is wrong.............AND............ensuring that their child does not interact with that playmate in the future........AS WELL AS......possibly informing the parent of the child or another authority figure such as a teacher.

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Re: What would u do


some desis will and do beat their kids, hence i added that option,

how would u explain in simple words? because u almost always get a why in reply from the child as they like to ask questions

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Re: What would u do

Most kids under 5 will not understand the concept of sexual abuse........perhaps the older playmate (if they're only a few years older) may not understand the concept either. It's also possible that the older playmate is being sexually abused...or picked it up from the parents...or the TV, etc.

Since it's a difficult concept for young children to comprehend, I imagine that most parents would tell their kids that it's wrong for anyone to touch them in their private areas...or.....for them to touch another child in the same place. They may use words like "bad".....or tell the child it's not the cleanest part of your body. Some parents might use the general rule of "keep your hands/feet/body to yourself and don't touch anybody else either"...common rule in schools as well. Some parents might tell their kids that Islam does not allow one to show or view certain body parts. Exceptions can include parents (who might have to take young children to the bathroom, etc)....and of course in a marriage...the latter exception obviously will be much harder for kids to understand. Not every exception to a general rule will be grasped by a child...therefore parents would try to keep things simple as possible......and as children grow....they're better able to understand exceptions to a situation.

Again, I think beating is extreme....and while praising the child is good.......ONLY praising is not right either. Most parents, as I said earlier, would try to discuss the issue......keep their child away from the older playmate......as well as inform someone (parent/teacher) about the older playmate.

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Re: What would u do

hmmm interesting

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Re: What would u do

This would be the right time to tell him about all the sick minded people and that she/he should tell me straight so mommy can fix stupid people with sick minds.

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Re: What would u do

The parent of a child can't "fix" all the messed up people in the world. Even if mommy/daddy were to give the older playmate a beating......it still might not resolve the problem. Moreover the offensive older playmate may still be young enough not to understand that the act was wrong. Kids who hurt your kids....might also lack the ability to reason. The issues in the troubled psyche may be so deep-rooted that they require professional help (shrink/counselor/therapist, etc). But at least, one's child should have an awareness of what's right and wrong....what to stay away from....and to feel comfortable with talking to their parents or an adult authority figure.

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Re: What would u do

that is precisely wat i was thinking, how would u explain to them thats its wrong as i assume lil kids will most likely deny that thy did it and avoid confrontation :hmmm;
my son is now 4 and is starting school in september and i would like to make him aware of all these things especially since its happening alot these days. what would b the best approach?

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Re: What would u do

"Since it's happening a lot these days".......just because you hear of some isolated incidents doesn't mean that this is a common problem. I've taught preschool for a year...and then a bit during the summer...and never encountered such a problem.

As far as the older playmate is concerned....keep in mind that while touching another child's private parts is considered WRONG to most people/parents........the older playmate's parents may have different views about things. Moreover his/her parents may prefer that they deal with their child on their own as opposed to SOME OTHER parent lecturing their kid. This does not necessarily mean that they would go easy on their kid.....but just that his/her parents could prefer handling it themselves.

^^^And in the event that the older playmate's parents HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA that their child engaged in such behavior..........if you were to go charging up to him and start yelling.....and then he cries cuz he's too young to understand that what he did is wrong.......and he's also too young to explain the situation correctly........if his parents find out that some woman was yelling at him......his kiddy explanation of your actions and what happened might cause greater confusion for the parent. Bring it up with the teacher and the other parent.....but disciplining another person's child....might not go down to well. Some parents are highly defensive about their kids. You cannot control or change another person's child.....you can't control their parents even...........but you do have greater control over educating your own child.

As far as what to tell your son......I've already mentioned that above. You can discuss with your son that it's better to keep hands and feet to yourself unless instructed otherwise by the teacher. And that nobody is supposed to see/touch your there ..........that it's different with Mommy and Daddy (because they may have to take you to the bathroom or help you with clothes)......etc etc. Keep it simple. Your tone of voice/firmness/even a few repetitions get the message across. When you actually start explaining it to him....you'll intuitively figure out what and how much needs to be said.

I've already mentioned how the issue can be discussed...talking about it more would be like repeating.