if..say u discovered that the people u thought were so nice and imandaar..actually werent fair to u nd ur family at one point when it was needed and crucial to u (and they didi it in such a cunning way that u never even knew exactly what they were doing until soo much later)..and now u might be thinking of them as potential in-laws?
but say the guy is innocent in this..
would u jsut care about the guy or would what his (some) of his family did affect ur decision..say this discovery whihc is true is causing u to have hatred build inside u..
say u detest cunningness n trickery in people and is hard for u to bardaasht this..
^ I agree, you have to look at it in longterm. Say you get married to him, you wouldnt be able to have decent relations with your in-laws. It'll be hard to adjust with these feelings inside you with the family, unless you and the guy are going to be very very far from the family and be in very less or no contact with them. Plus how would you react with your kids beingn around them? and most of all how will the guy be able to maintain a fair relationship with you and his family, obviously its very hard to leave your family no matter how bad or whatever they are.
say u detest cunningness n trickery in people and is *hard for u to bardaasht this..
*
would u let this go?
I would say that it's better if you let this rishta go. InshaAllah you'll find someone better. You say that the hatred is building inside you....which means that it's growing instead of subsiding. And to build a marriage with someone on a foundation of hatred.....is very risky. Even if the guy is "innocent", what guarantee is there that you won't transfer your hatred for his family over to HIM from time to time? And what if this guy is the kind who doesn't feel comfortable getting involved in future arguments between you and his parents? What if he's the kind to blindly support his parents all the time? Then what? Wouldn't that make matters worse for you?
****Also, if this family has both deceived and betrayed you.....then WHY ON EARTH are they sending a rishta to you? Have you wondered about that because I find that strange. If they betrayed you....that means they didn't care enough about you and your family to begin with. If they didn't or don't care about you....then why send a rishta? Or are they sending a rishta because they feel bad and want to make amends for their mistakes???? If that's their intention....then you have to decide if you should agree to a proposal as a peace offering. If it's forgiveness that they want.........then you can choose to forgive them without becoming a future member of their family. If you're not "in love" with this guy (no matter how innocent/sharif he is) then inshaAllah you'll find a guy you feel more strongly for.
****Also, don't marry into this family to exact revenge either. People sometimes get what's coming without us having to try too hard.
Yeah if you have an option of being with him or not.. Don't.. let him go. Of course if you were already married to such person whose family you totally hate or have done bad things... then bardasht.
You have an option of not marrying him.. don't marry him.
I saw this play out in front of me as I watched someone I know marry a girl from a family who pulled insane amounts of garbage in the nearly one year period leading up to their marriage. Even this wasn't enough to clue the guy in. Ten years and a few children later, and he pretty much appears to be miserable and resigned all the time.
If you're getting such huge red flags before you've been committed, as Sara said, don't throw yourself into the fire for nothing.
^ I agree, you have to look at it in longterm. Say you get married to him, you wouldnt be able to have decent relations with your in-laws. It'll be hard to adjust with these feelings inside you with the family,** unless you and the guy are going to be very very far from the family and be in very less or no contact with them.** Plus how would you react with your kids beingn around them? and most of all how will the guy be able to maintain a fair relationship with you and his family, obviously its very hard to leave your family no matter how bad or whatever they are.
Yes..far far away..hardly any contact for life
larka bara acha hai yaar..dil neh karta ke usko jane doo
and teh fathers not that bad..he did lots to help us out but it was jus this one thing sorta nnoyed me that y theyd do this on purpose..
relaiton is very good with my family.my dad and him are very close
sometimes when posters giv us lil info and then keep confusing us with contradicting info kinda hard to advice, atleast for me. i dunno but if parents buray hoon tu un ka larka kaisay achcha ho sakta hai...ya abhi achcha dikhta hai....???dore k dhole suhanay ??
No, don't go for the guy.
Even if the guy is innocent you can't break his connection to the family.You are not able to digest whatever they did before your marriage, how would you bear to be a part of the family afterwards??
