I would really stay away from wearing desi clothes to an American wedding. Their esthetic is different than ours, and you'll stick out like a sore thumb. Since it's at a church, get yourself a dress or a pantsuit. If you get a dress, it's not a bad idea to get a good quality one as an investment, that you could also wear to other western functions (such as office holiday parties, other people's weddings, etc). Don't buy a white or cream dress, though...it's considered bad form to dress in the same color as the bride. If you go to a place that sells bridesmaids dresses, they can usually accomodate your personal requests, such as length and adding sleeves if that's an issue for you. Good luck!
made a paindu entry and wore shalwar kameez to the church and reception of a friend's friend. felt a lil weird at first but it wasn't half bad at all. they actually loved the clothes :D
Okay...so if you are living in hicks-ville where they don't even know that the world is not flat, then yes, I agree, don't wear the desi clothes and stand out.
But if you are in an area where they have the slightest bit of culture and are aware of the existence of races other than the blond-haired, blue-eyed one, then I would wear the sari and enjoy the glamour.
I just find this whole idea of "blending in" and giving "them" what "they" expect so as not to rock the boat, such bs. This attitude is not only self-defeating, it is demeaning.
Anyone with two cents of intelligence will appreciate your confidence and pride in your identity if you wear desi attire. They will only stare at you because you will look drop-dead exotic and gorgeous and they will want to know how you wear what you are wearing, where they can buy one just like it and will you teach them? They will be giving you admiring looks, not daggers.
As long as you stay away from the ultra-heavy embellishments and gold/silver, tinfoil-adorned type of clothing, you will not be competing with the bride.
^ depends entirely on the bride, i find. if she's the attention-hogging type, she won't appreciate people looking at and commenting on your clothes (and people will) as opposed to hers. some brides are like that. other brides not so much. pick up the phone and run it by your bride, mrs. shikra. i don't see any harm in that, and in fact, it will probably be a move she'll appreciate.
I just find this whole idea of "blending in" and giving "them" what "they" expect so as not to rock the boat, such bs. This attitude is not only self-defeating, it is demeaning.
i don't agree... its etiquette. you're showing the bride respect for her culture, traditions and ways of getting married instead of just showing up in whatever, simply because her culture isn't yours. it doesn't mean its any less valid or any less important to her. she has expectations of her wedding and yes, also of what her wedding guests will be wearing, and thats fine.
its the same thing as why don't other guests at a white wedding wear white also? why is it exclusively for the bride? its the same idea- you're respecting the idea that its her day, white is a bridal color in her culture, and its one day in her life where she can say what goes and you, as a guest, deal with it. why risk upsetting her and making her feel like you weren't considerate enough to dress like everyone else, or that you just didn't care and showed up at her wedding in whatever?
i don't agree... its etiquette. you're showing the bride respect for her culture, traditions and ways of getting married instead of just showing up in whatever, simply because her culture isn't yours. it doesn't mean its any less valid or any less important to her. she has expectations of her wedding and yes, also of what her wedding guests will be wearing, and thats fine.
"showing up in just whatever" is not what I have suggested. I have been very particular and precise in describing what I think is appropriate. Read previous posts.
Just becuause her culture isn't yours' doesn't mean that you are not permitted or will be ostracized for looking good. And the fact that she has invited you to her wedding means that she appreciates you as a friend/colleague/associate knowing full well that you are of another ethnicity. It's likely that she will be honored by your show of respect if you attend in what is formal for your own events. It will show that you are giving due honor to what she, no doubt, will consider the biggest and most formal event of her life.
If the bride is really that particular about what she wants her guests to wear at her wedding, she will have specified it in the invitation without any ambiguity.
Again, this "them" and "us" attitude is divisive and North America is just not about segregation anymore. North America is about multi-culturalism....about being proud of our heritage and culture. It's about being accepted for who we are rather than being expected to blend in.
Muzna...i know you are rite but not everyone thinks like you na....the only reason i dont want to wear desi attire is cuz its an American wedding not a pakistani wedding. Even on our wedding Sohails American friends were wearing desi kaprey just to show respect to our culture and i guess same goes for us. And commonnnnn this thread is not open to argue on multi-culturalism in North America so dont take this tooo seriously pleash :D
It comes down to etiquette. ITs the equivalent to when someone comes to a desi wedding dressed like the bride (including the duputta on the head). It’s very silly to say that not wanting to upstage the bride is akin to being ashamed of one’s culture
sara this is the second time you repeated k “a girl dressed like a bride and dupatta on the head”..tell mee on ur wedding was there anyone who did tht lol
mrs. shikra, theres a pic of a girl in the bridal pics thread who is dressed like a bride and she's standing behind the "real" bride! i think sara's still ticked off for the "real" bride! lol :P
sara this is the second time you repeated k "a girl dressed like a bride and dupatta on the head"..tell mee on ur wedding was there anyone who did tht lol :p
AMANI...You r so rite
haha my bad...no there wasn't (shukar hai :p).. but theres a pic in the bridal thread that has tha xact same thing.thats what i was thinking when I said it :D
Pardon me for being ignorant/naive/biased/whatever, and I admit I have no leg to stand on when it comes to giving advise to females because I am a male and I don’t know enough of ladies’ fashion etc. However, I would say that I agree with Muzna and others who suggested cultural clothes. That’s what I suggested also but my suggestion was turned down. Mrs. Shikra asked me if I would go there wearing shalwar kameez, and my answer was no, but that’s because it’s DIFFERENT when it comes to guys. Besides, I am not so confused about what to wear.
People are not dumb who’ll pay attention to a guest instead of paying attention to the bride. I don’t think it’ll take any attention away from the bride. On our wedding, a couple of American/Spanish girls came dressed in Shalwar Kameez. I don’t think it was to show respect, I think it was to blend in, and actually THAT took away the attention “oh woh gori ko dekho, shalwar kameez mein cute lagg rahi hai na”.
**Again, guests know better to whom they ought to pay attention.
Mrs. Shikra** I am okay with whatever you wear. I’ll just say “Jee Madam”
liken i was lookin soo beutiful k uss gori k wahan honey per bhi sub kee attention mujh per thee
and ive decided im going to wear either a dress or pant suit or skirt blouse meaning American kaprey…anyways the wedding is in May so i have like a month…i will Inshallah post the pics of my outfit…
its really not different for guys... sorry mr. shikra, but thats a cop out :p shalwar kameez for men is just as ethnic and cultural for guys as it is for girls. if you both went in coordinating outfits, i.e. shalwar kameezes, it would be one thing, but to put your poor wife in the spotlight by herself? no fair! and btw, people definitely notice what guests are wearing and often, yes, kick up a fuss about it. you're thinking from a male perspective, try looking at it from a girl's point of view.... :)
You should definitely ask what the dress code is (casual, semi-formal, black tie) before you show up in a full length gown! Usually at summer weddings people just wear the kind of dresses found in the weddings section of Jcrew: http://www.jcrew.com/catalog/category.jhtml?id=cat170127&navAction=jump
And yes, I’d definitely recommend wearing western clothes, because if you think about it, how often do you get to be dressed up western style!
