am currently looking for a wife, while im here in pak. im the religous, purdah type.
i dont know what i should be looking for in my potential partner. i mean her dedication to deen is obviously most important, but my khala says ‘potential’ is more important, than her current lifestyle.
i mean i want a girl with hijab, that prays 5 times a day etc (no comments on this please, we can argue about this another time).
i didnt post in the religion section cos alot of ppl dont go there.
some tips on what to look for, what questions to ask etc etc please.
would be more interested in the people who’ve already been through this process
jazakallah
and btw if there are any of u in lahore, i would be glad to meet u
hmmm, interesting question, but I think its hard for us ( we dont know u personally) how/what u can look for.
Perhaps I m wrong,
Anyway, Goodluck, and may God bless u with a partner u wish for and may u both receive all the happiness in the world. :k:
Ok, then you should look for someone who can also cook really well. Talk less, and work more. Very beautiful, respectful for elders and loving to children. Highly educated but has no wish to work. All these are very important.
Kuch reh tau nahi giya?
Good luck! :k:
ps, I am sorry I don’t live in Lahore, warna would have loved to meet you.
Its totally appropriate for you to ask for those things in a future spouse. Its someone you intend to spend the rest of your life with and who you want to raise your children with, etc.
Only you know what your preferences are, but I would recommend looking for a girl you can really get along with. Someone that you can see yourself waking up next to every day for the next God knows how many years. Make sure you're on the same page about things-you understand her wants and desires and she understand and yours-not only that-but you ACCEPT them.
are you looking for a wife or servant? “talk less work more?”
but Id have to say, can’t someone be namaazi and do purdah without the rest of that?
Sorry don’t mean to be rude or offensive, but I was raised in a pretty conservative and religious household. I don’t wear hijab (its a very personal issue) but I do namaaz, etc. Religion is a big part of my life. But I really can’t say that I’m particularly quiet or have no wish to work. As for beauty-that’s definitely in the eye of the beholder, but I hate it when people expect the girl to be gorgeous and the guy it doesn’t matter.
eemo bhaiya, there is nothing wrong with your looking for a wife who does pardaH and pray five times. However, you need to ask yourself the question that why five times prayer and hijab is important to you?
Is it important to you because you believe that five times prayer menifests piety? If so then praying five times a day doesn't necessarily has anything to do with piety. Your aunt is right, potential is more important.
Once you have found the answer to why hijab and prayer is important to you then you'd be able to broaden your horizon to include those characteristics that answer your question, regardless of just the hijab and prayer part. But first you have to question yourself before can pose questions to a prospective spouse.
Khalas mean a hundred and one things when they say "potential". What exactly does your khala mean?
And what about beauty? Don't u want someone beautiful or atleast presentable? I thought that's mostly all that guys nowadays look for in a permanent spouse.
Why do we wanna go for something and everything thats perfect. Fun, isn't compromise part and parcel of life.
Fun, lets suppose u fall for someone today, would u just let go of her just ' cuz she is not a full woman according to your definition..(what is it , do u care to explain)
Don't u think that there are things in life that can be changed and worked upon mutually and in a cordial and loving environment. Why is there so much stress on a wife having all those qualities in particular being a good cook. Isn't cooking something that can be perfected overtime,that can be learned later in life..
Toba hay, all i meant was that she is a woman. That's why I used FULL and NOT complete. I know nobody in today's age is complete (including myself). Aik tau itna serious hoker fun ka bun bana daitay ho tum log.
two of my female first cousins in pak who did not even do hijab before now do full purdah plus niqaab after marriage b/c in ke susraal mein yahi rawaj hae…
on the other hand i had a classfellow who used to wear chaadar and after shaadi she was asked to take off chaadar and she’s got a haircut now and moves around in a totally different getup…u wont think ke she’s the same person…
for most pakistani girls whom i have known taking up hijab was not that difficult if their susraals ask them to do that, they did it readily…preserving the marriage is the most important thing and all other things r secondary…if it comes down to it and u ask her to wear hijab she will do it for the sake of the marriage even if not for the sake of being religious…
asking her abt it before marriage wouldn’t hurt tho…but if u really like the girl and she is not at the level of islam that u want ur wife to be at, i would say u shud still give her preference over a girl who is extremely religious but u dont like other things abt her because u can always mould ur wife into being a little bit religious after marriage if she has the basic respect for Islam and desire for being a good Muslim…which i think most ppl do…
so most importantly as a girl myself my advice to u would be to choose a girl who is understanding and compromising and treats the marriage as the foremost priority…that mindset is the most important thing…then the rest of the things follow from that :k:
well i must admit losty, i don’t know how to cook…sad, no? even worse, at this point in my hectic life, i don’t even have the desire to want to learn how to cook!
ok, to answer ur questions ...
irem....i'd be more interested in the girl who does purdah etc from her own conviction rather than to save the marriage, cos otherwise this wouldnt follow through into our children..or at least i dont think so.
im not too fussed if shes not a brilliant cook, to be honest this hadnt even crossed my mind.
Ana...i think my khala means potential to change, and how much potential she has for change. and yeah beauty is important of course. im human after all, but im not askin for an ash rai. and about me being good lookin or not,...hmm u guys have seen my pics in image gallery, u tell me.
Roman bhai...i didnt really wanna go down the reliion debate as to why i tink she should wear hijab etc. but for me, i feel its fard.
ok... another question ....i communicate much much better in english than i do in urdu. do u think this is gna be a problem , cos of course shes more likely to communicate better in urdu. i mean discussing islam, discussing marriage, all these things im much more precise in english. do u tink this is gna be a problem u guys ?
the whole beauty thing-if anyone says they are not looking for that at all, i'm betting their in denial.
Attraction is human. And I think you have to be attracted to the person you are marrying. (Don't know HOW my parents did the whole meet on the day of thing-just REALLY not my thing-but to each is own). Its not amatter of drop dead gorgeous-its a matter of areYOU attracted to eachother.
As for hijab- I think its better if she does it for herself rather than anything else. If you're not doing it for God then what's the point?
For the language question-dude I totally know what you're saying. I can speak enough to carry on a conversation and get by and what not, but when I really need to be serious and carry on a conversation-English it is. It would probably be easier to find someone that is the same as you. Language is an important factor of communication (duh 714 :D)) So you see how it goes. Maybe you should look around in Britain :D I'm SURE there isn't a lack of nice muslim/desi girls there :D
:k:
