This is whats going on. One of my really close friend got married in May 2010(15 days before my wedding) and moved to my town. I have been friends with her over 9 years. During this time a lot of our friends got married and moved away or didn’t keep in touch. We always talked abt how we will never do that. Anyway when I found out that she is moving to Houston both of us were SUPER excited. Her whole wedding arrangement took two month (she got engaged in end of March). My wedding was to be in Lahore on June 12th, and I wasn’t able to get tickets to be able to attend her wedding. But I still traveled 400 miles for 2 weekends to attend her bridal shower and stuff. I told her the situation as to why I wasn’t able to get the tickets and she was sad but not angry. Anyways I returned to America in July and called her, but only to find out that her number has been changed. So I left her a message on FB. A week later she messaged me back with her new #. I tried to make plans to meet up, but each time she said she was busy. I had a baby shower for a cousin at my house, invited her and her MIL, she didn’t come…gave me no reason for not being able to come, didn’t even call or offer help. I had an iftaar party at my house and she couldn’t come (had a good excuse for this). We planned to meet for chaad raat and the day of it I messaged her to see what time she wants to meet up…she just said that her MIL wants her to go to a certain place for mehndi. I was like ok. Also, she has not once called me on her own…I always initiate the conv.
Now this past Saturday my husband and I had a small wedding reception for our friends and family who weren’t able to attend our wedding. The invitations were send out 3 weeks prior to the event. On Saturday I texted all of my friends that if they needed directions to the hall just call me, and to this she replied “oh Rabia ur going to hate me, but my family was visiting and they saw that I wasn’t feeling well so they took me to San Antonio (her home town). I was so shocked. I just messaged her back saying: “thanks for the call.” She replied: “ oh I m sorry but throat was hurting and I couldn’t talk, too many ppl around me to do anything.” All I said to this was, “what can I say"
She could have texted me, message me on FB or have one of her cousin call me to let me know. But she didn’t. I am extremely hurt by her behavior and want to write her a really mean email and want her to know that I am hurt. But a mutual friend said to just ignore it and just stop talking to her.
Maybe it has nothing to do wiht you.... Some people have a tougher time adjusting or fitting in to new married life, maybe she was busy all of those times etc...she had a pretty fast engagement, so maybe things are harder for her to adjust to.... it is possible.
I can understand why you were upset, but if I were you, I would back off a little bit but keep the lines of communication open. But most importantly, let go, and not let it affect or upset you....and its easier said than done....
Unless, of course, there's other stuff, and this has been a pattern with her for 9 years?
As Sara516 said, it might have nothing to do with you..............you don't know whats going on in her life and how her new familia is..........I don't think you should stop all contact with her without knowing her true intentions.........if nothing else just keep it mutual
Dont get mad at her...dont say anything to her. Why? Because you will show her that you're hurt. Why would you want her to know how her behavior impacted your special day? Why give her that much importance?
I would be silent now and see what she does next.
If she cares about you as a friend, she will know her actions hurt you and will do something to remedy the situation.
If she does nothing...it means she doesnt care and isnt a friend you need to be concerning yourself with. You can put an end to all of your expectations from her and keep it simple: salaam dua and thats it.
I would ignore what she did and enjoy the celebration that you have coming up. As for future don't try to initiate anything with her unless she does it with you. You have tried a few times so it's her turn to put in some work and if she doesn't then you know her intentions.
Thanks guys, i guess i should back away from all of it. But its just that i want her to know that she hurt my feelings a lot, regardless of what she feels.
^ But your feelings should have been important to her when she was being insensitive. Dont let her make you feel bad again Rabia.
Wait and see how long it takes her to realize her mistake. The time in the middle will also allow you to cool down and get past this.
Dont think you're not letting her know how you feel by being silent...trust me...she will get it once she gets no more texts/calls from you. That will do more than anything you actually say.
Just be patient...you know how they say...har larai us hi waqt nahin lari jati hai.
you just dont know her married life is. be a friend and try to understand what is not being said maybe? and like everyone else has said.. give her space. i took forever to come back online (me who was always online before marriage) after my wedding... went through major adjustment and friends were the last thing on my mind even though i felt getting out of touch with them and sometimes pondering man, i havent talked to blah blah in so long... but that still didnt make me want to come online to chit and chat.
once settled .... i got back in touch with my pals and the ones taht cared, understood.
now if she is being friends with everyone else and its just you she is hesitating to be with, then thats something else.