Hi Smarty,
If you look at your post........you will find that towards the end you have written that "i am just not happy with this relationship and he knows that too." It's difficult for a guy to open up to a girl when he KNOWS that she's not happy about the relationship. Perhaps it's making him feel apprehensive and even self-conscious. He might even think that you're unhappy because you don't like him (although that's not true). Think about it. Would YOU feel uneasy if you **KNEW **that the other person was not happy being in a relationship with you? So, the first step here is to try to display a positive attitude. This will help him feel more relaxed. Often times we don't realize it but the other person can pick up on our tense vibes and body language and this can cause them to become reserved around us as well.
You also said that he is a good person and has many of the qualities that you would want in your spouse. That's awesome........considering how tough it is these days to find a decent partner. So, your very fortunate in that regard. And you also said that you don't want to break it off with him. This is a good sign because if the guy was THAT BAD......you would want OUT....but that's not the case. AND the fact that you've come here to improve your relationship show that you're interested in making it work. So, here are some suggestions:
1) Try to be positive, relax. Understand that marriage is a HUGE adjustment not only for you....but for him as well. Use humor to diffuse tense situations....it lightens up the atmosphere. Laugh. Laughter can be contagious. ;)
2) When you ask him questions.......try to stay away from questions that only require a one-word answer. Instead......ask him OPEN-ENDED questions that require more detailed answers. The benefits of open-ended questions is that they keep the conversation going. For example.......instead of asking him a boring closed-ended question such as "How was work?"......try asking him "So, what do you do at work?"..........and to make it more light-hearted.....ask him "So, do you have any funny/interesting/scary boss stories to share?" Instead of asking him "Have you seen any movies lately?"..........try "So, what kind of movies do you like?" or "What did you think of the the story line for this movie?". Open-ended questions force the person to speak more. Ask him, "So what places will you take me when I come to Pakistan?" Tell him something funny that happened to you at work, a good movie you watched, a good book you read. Tell him about a problem and ask him for his opinion. Know what I mean? Keep it open-ended.
3) Keep in mind that some people are better at talking face-to-face as opposed to the phone/email. Other people are better at talking through internet as opposed to phone. I have friends who are so distant over the phone but are more open with email/instant messaging/in person. And I've heard that guys, in general, are not good at talking on the phone.** ALSO*.......keep in mind............that YOU have NO IDEA who is **nearby **him when he's talking to you on the phone. Perhaps his parents or siblings are around him and that makes him feel self-conscious talking to you. SO........if he's uneasy over the phone..........try **email/instant messaging/MSN*. Since it would allow for more privacy, it might make a difference.
4) **A long distance relationship can't compare to actually living with your spouse. You said that you and him had become friends when you met him **prior to Nikkah. This indicates that he's a more lively person when you're sitting in front of him. InshaAllah things will get better when you're actually with him. Take the time to reflect why you're so unhappy and reserved with him over the phone. Sometimes our anger stems from OTHER sources. For example........deep down.........are you still upset at your parents and relatives for handling the situation in an abrupt and tactless manner? Don't take out your resentment toward them on your husband. Desi culture/elders can be tactless about such things and even if you try to nicely confront them about their behavior.....they may......or may not understand. You can't change/control them or the way they think. But you do have greater control over yourself and implementing changes to better your life. So, reflect over where the discomfort is stemming from. My apologies for the long post. Best wishes :)