what if someone is not so good at comforting words for friends when they need you.. its not that you dun understand their pain but just can’t explain it to them and can’t say whatever you want to because you keep debating if I should or not… I am such an idiot who knows nothing other than jokes and stupid stories/problems to tell.
Infact, I have always been on the receiving end, thus absolutely dunno anything about how to initiate a talk or change the topic when someone very dear to me needs to talk to me to overcome some sort of sad feelings.. I wanted to talk about it but nah all I did is made someone felt worse in an attempt of being nice
hwo should I learn this?
also, if you dun tell someone how much you care for them, does it mean that you are being mean or selfish here..isn’t true that sometimes you dun need words to tell what you mean? how come ppl dun understand this?
I'm never good with words either, and I never know how to comfort someone in the time of need, or just be there for them. I'm always told that I don't tell the people i love, how much i love them, miss them, or care for them. For me it's always a given that I do because of how much I share with them. But people need words i suppose. I don't know how to overcome it or change myself. If something does happen and someone does get angry that I didn't say the right things, or they just needed to hear that i was there for them...i usually just send them a card, an e-card even apologizing or just saying that they were in my thoughts.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by ~Sehar~: *
For me it's always a given that I do because of how much I share with them. (
[/QUOTE]
exactly my thoughts.. I feel terrible now, probably I need to be more expressive than I am,because if someone I care for can't understand this then definitely I am not doing the right thing.. easier said than done though :(
GtG if it is someone whom you have known for a long time then they do understand...i guess it also depends on the other person's personality...but i think that those whom you have a solid relationship with, you don't have to expressive with them in that way...but little things can show it...like asking them if they have had lunch or dinner...or just going and sitting with them...
hmmm...i will agree with Sehar...just be there with them, call them and talk to them (not necessarily about that issue) and ask them casually if they need help with anything...
you don't have to express yourself in words, they will understand...waise bhee words when spoken too much lose their value i think... :-)
two of my closest friends in the world whom i have been friends with since childhood, two of them went through ordeals recently...one of them cried in front of me and she has never ever cried in front of me...we (us group of girls) are the very non cheesy type with each other we don't cry and stuff in front of each other...and i didn't know what to say...i felt akward even hugging her fully like older women do...i jus kind of hugged her partly and said something that sounded really dumb...but i think it was important that she could let out her tears in front of me i guess....and afterwards i jus tried to hang out with her and not talk abt that issue but jus abt random stuff...
infact, i realised it even more seriously when we (me n hubby) witnessed some really tough times ....actually it was him going through all n i really really wanted to do something for him ....but could even utter some words .....infact i was even more sad n depressed ....
in start he was kinda frustrated ....(i think)....but now he understands me so well , he himself starts showing the brighter sides even before i start depressing ......
i think it all boils down to the level of understanding ......though you still feel bad for doing nothing
To start with I would like to focus on the word ‘word’ itself. Was that Aristotle who called a human ‘a rational animal’, probably yes and he gave theory of it; Genius and differentia. A human’s genius is ‘animal’ and his differentia is ‘rationality’. How do you demonstrate rationality? When applied to developing human relations you have ‘words’ as a primary tool to work with. Emotions and attachments are best described with words if you are capable to use them. Bodily gestures too have the power to do that for you but for that the other person needs to be in the alignment to understand. In times of trouble, you are stressed enough to struggle with others’ non verbal gestures in order to know if they are meant to comfort you or meant something else hence a proper usage of words to demonstrate you understand ones situation and you are there to help and depend upon. As most of you have admitted you fail in using words properly while you have strongly felt yourselves to be all for that person otherwise, how do you expect your actual feelings stand transmitted to the other?
woww I am not alone.. I think am learning and probably someday I will be able to deal with it..in fact I am just a good listener and someone can tell me their problems for hrs and I would listen to it and also advice something but when it comes to show my care,,my lips are sealed and can't say a few words to make someone feel better.
Irem: I totally understand that.. I am always there for my friends but just can't tell them how much I care for them that makes me look soo dumb... I really can't talk to my friends online or phone when it comes to things like this.. I just have to be there and things do work out even w/o saying anything. :-)
Afia baji: I know what you went through since I do keep an update on your daughter's situation... Mashallah you are very strong and its good that your hubby understands this and deals with it wisely. You are definitely very lucky. :-) how is zainab doing?
Aijaz 5-26... who said women are complicated and talk about complex things.. you surely proved it wrong..
[quote]
Emotions and attachments are best described with words if you are capable to use them.
[/quote]
^this was clearly the whole point of the thread that why can't we convey our feelings to someone we actually care for!
now thats wat we call a guy’s solution to a problem. hehehe