Re: what to do over univited long staying guest...
**Nadz aren't u living with ur husband in ur parent's house when u r not supposed to traditionally? **didn't ur husband stayed with u guys b4 he was even married to u? so wats the big deal if u hav a big heart n help out another relative esp when she's not going to be a burden on u or ur hubby but ur mom n dad and since they r quiet abt it so should be u.
traditionally, women should be seen and not heard, traditionally women didnt work, traditonally theres a million things....if its normal for a woman to stay with her inlaws and hubby, why cant it be the other way round, im surprised this attitude is coming from so-called modern guppies...
Re: what to do over univited long staying guest...
traditionally, women should be seen and not heard, traditionally women didnt work,
just talk abt present century n not past. how many ppl do it in this age?
traditonally theres a million things....if its normal for a woman to stay with her inlaws and hubby, why cant it be the other way round, im surprised this attitude is coming from so-called modern guppies...
and i'm saying same thing if its so normal for a daugther n damad to live at girl's parent's house y can't a relative come n stay at relatives? banda isi tarah aik dosray k kaam ata hai.
why u ignored to comment on ur hubby living at ur house b4 marriage?
i'm not trying to criticize u , i do't care where anybody lives...but show u a reality that if ur house is so tight y u n ur hubby r not moving out? just as u hav financial issues, may b this girl has them too. and nobody lives with others for ever. as soon as she settles, get some work she will move out or it can be asked at that stage. Also seeing ur welcome nature she might move out sooner than u think.
Re: what to do over univited long staying guest...
if ur house is so tight y u n ur hubby r not moving out? just as u hav financial issues, may b this girl has them too.
PBI (politely butting in):
Nadz already wrote on the original post on this thread that the girl's family has "money issues".
Nadz and her husband moved back in with her parents for the following reason (she wrote this on the previous thread she opened about the cousin moving in):
-in case i didnt mention, im staying at mum from now, need to be around people in case of emergency, so me and my hubs in my old room, theres plenty of space, it was otherwise a guest room before, so now we are here, theres 8 of us in total in a 4 bed house, its now full, with a baby on the way...what makes people think theres space for them to come here anmd stay for a year to study without asking first....hate her.
Although now re-reading what was written before....there were 6 people living in the 4 bed-room house already.....Nadz and her husband made that 8. If they choose to stay in the house once the baby's born....that's 9.
Re: what to do over univited long staying guest...
so the cousin is coming for a yr? and is nadz planning to stay for a yr with her hubby n baby?. she can move out few weeks after child's birth.well tbh moving in ur parent's house just coz u r pregnant is just a luxury. when she knows they had lil room she shouldn't hav moved in but moved close by or ask mom or another family member to move with her. there's always 911 for emergencies. so its again no reason to move in with parents unless u want to be served n pampered. i think its just not fair for nadz or her hubby to complain. instead if some other member complains k pehlay nadz aa gayi ab ye aa rehi hai then its more understandable. also she will be single while this is a couple so mian, bivi ko alag room chahiay, baby ko more room chahiay. still she has guts to complain!
now just to add i hav a 3 bedroom house. with my last pregnancy there were 8 ppl in my house. me. my hubby, my 3 kids, my mil n fil (they were given one bedroom) n my younger bro(he was studying n now moved out) i was single one to cook, clean n take care of errands. plus it was ramadan n i had baby right after eid. if i wanted to move to my parent's house how could hav i managed it with all these ppl?
Re: what to do over univited long staying guest...
are you comparing my position to my cosuins,,,,im my parents daughter, not just a relative....and no one has the right to tell me im the same as her. same if my child wanted to stay for a while or not after marriage, she can, why isnt this called my house....why is it that if was a boy, then it would be my house, however as im a girl, im also a guest in my own house and people here are treating me and my cousin the same.
Re: what to do over univited long staying guest...
so the cousin is coming for a yr? and is nadz planning to stay for a yr with her hubby n baby?. she can move out few weeks after child's birth.well tbh moving in ur parent's house just coz u r pregnant is just a luxury. when she knows they had lil room she shouldn't hav moved in but moved close by or ask mom or another family member to move with her. there's always 911 for emergencies. so its again no reason to move in with parents unless u want to be served n pampered. i think its just not fair for nadz or her hubby to complain. instead if some other member complains k pehlay nadz aa gayi ab ye aa rehi hai then its more understandable. also she will be single while this is a couple so mian, bivi ko alag room chahiay, baby ko more room chahiay. still she has guts to complain!
now just to add i hav a 3 bedroom house. with my last pregnancy there were 8 ppl in my house. me. my hubby, my 3 kids, my mil n fil (they were given one bedroom) n my younger bro(he was studying n now moved out) i was single one to cook, clean n take care of errands. plus it was ramadan n i had baby right after eid. if i wanted to move to my parent's house how could hav i managed it with all these ppl?
besides the point.
this is my house, my parents house. whatever. im not my mums niece/extended relative. same as if i would never go and live with an aunt or uncle who are fully housed already, i came to my parents. and no one else. so dont compare a daughter/sons positions to an extended relatives positions.
on another note-me and husband pay our way, more than enough, even though mum dad stop us from doing so. my cousin is not paying herway, bichari has no money-oh well she has enough to get over here to uk and whatnot. so parents paying for her....
and yes theres 911 for emergencies-whats ur point...? i guess il tell my brother to move out once hes married and not bother looking after our parents cos theres always 911.....
Re: what to do over univited long staying guest...
the best thing is to call her mother and say "yahan beti ki zimaydari uthana bohat mushkil kaam hai, agar larka ho toa koi haraj nahi... lekin larki ka mamla nazuk hota hai. khuda-na-khasta agar kuch ho jaey toa hum kya mu dikhain ge". that's what my uncle told one family.
think....if your cousin gets raped or gets out with boys, what will your parents tell her family??? they will say "hum nay toa aap ke pass bheja tha"
Re: what to do over univited long staying guest...
the best thing is to call her mother and say "yahan beti ki zimaydari uthana bohat mushkil kaam hai, agar larka ho toa koi haraj nahi... lekin larki ka mamla nazuk hota hai. khuda-na-khasta agar kuch ho jaey toa hum kya mu dikhain ge". that's what my uncle told one family.
think....if your cousin gets raped or gets out with boys, what will your parents tell her family??? they will say "hum nay toa aap ke pass bheja tha"
Re: what to do over univited long staying guest...
besides the point.
this is my house, my parents house. whatever. im not my mums niece/extended relative. same as if i would never go and live with an aunt or uncle who are fully housed already, i came to my parents. and no one else. so dont compare a daughter/sons positions to an extended relatives positions.
on another note-me and husband pay our way, more than enough, even though mum dad stop us from doing so. my cousin is not paying herway, bichari has no money-oh well she has enough to get over here to uk and whatnot. so parents paying for her....
and yes theres 911 for emergencies-whats ur point...? i guess il tell my brother to move out once hes married and not bother looking after our parents cos theres always 911.....
The thing is, nadz, your parents have accepted her as a guest, so there isn't much you can do about it now.
Re: what to do over univited long staying guest...
We have some guests from pakistan here on visitor visa. They have been here over 2 months now. In my family we all had a discussion that no matter what just treat them with whole respect and give them time when you can, before they leave. And when they go back they will have positive and nice things to say about the family to everyone in pakistan inshallah.
In the past, the Uncle who is here has done a great deal for my parents when we were in pakistan long time ago. So likewise, we do the same when they are here. Even though it may be a little difficult to adjust and that they are in a new environment.
If they do some shopping they take care of it themselves. So they are understanding about that.
Re: what to do over univited long staying guest...
Not a big deal, one year will pass before you know it. Anyways she is your parents guest, if you have any issue discuss with them. If they are ok with having her at their house, you have very lil choice.
Not sure why you are 'putting' yourself in this situation, get some place near by your parents and live happily. u are not realizing that by focusing on *hit like this you are not enjoying the greatyest joy known to a woman 'motherhood' you will miss your pregnency later on, so enjoy your time pre/post pregnency. I am surprised you are not worried that your negative thought will affect your baby negatively (phycologically) Please be patient, just put yourself or one of your sisters in your cousin's situation, hopefully you will be able to underrstand.
I lived on my own for 4 years when I started working, just to avoid a situation like your cousins, but please have mercy on her everybody can't afford to live on their own, I mean financially, emotionally etc.
All this insenstivity is because of your hormones hopefully, read astaghfar when you start thinking all negative about your cousin, may allha be your guide inshallah.
Re: what to do over univited long staying guest...
why dont you talk to ur mom to tell her sister that there is really no room in their house? anyway, if teh girl does come over, she can really help you out with the baby. and it if its really crowded, im sure she will get uncomfrtable too and move out.
Re: what to do over univited long staying guest...
I find you endearing, Nadz, and I like you. But you should calm down since you're pregnant. I remember you'd get worked up over things even before you became pregnant........and now it's even more necessary for the health of your baby to just chill. You can't control how your MIL and SIL are going to behave. If they don't feel like sharing something with you.....so be it. I remember reading a thread where you were looking forward to getting a ring from your MIL. And after I read it....I thought...."Gosh, I bet Nadz will soon post about how awful or ugly or cheap that ring was." And I turned out right. Thing is you can't control your MIL's mindset and the things she does. And you're probably wondering what on earth any of this has to do with your cousin coming to live with you. Well.......the point is....you can't always control people....this includes your spouse....your friends....your in-laws...your relatives....even the cousin who will staying over. Your husband is not going to be perfect. He may not remember to suggest buying something for your family. But overall, he seems like a nice guy who doesn't stop you from buying things either. What i'm trying to say is that.......look at the overall picture.......and if it's a good one...if there are more positives than negatives......then try to let some things slide. You're only in your 20s.....and with all the nitpicking and complaining that you do......you can give some seasoned auntis a run for their money, Nadz. :p Just chill, woman!!! InshaAllah you'll be so happy with your beautiful and healthy baby that you won't have time to really (hopefully) get annoyed with your cousin.
Re: what to do over univited long staying guest...
Your cousin is planning to stay for a year,. Were you guys planning to stay there too? How long? I'm not questioning your right to be in your parents' house, just wondering how much of a problem this is.
Re: what to do over univited long staying guest...
besides the point.
this is my house, my parents house. whatever. im not my mums niece/extended relative. same as if i would never go and live with an aunt or uncle who are fully housed already, i came to my parents. and no one else. so dont compare a daughter/sons positions to an extended relatives positions.
on another note-me and husband pay our way, more than enough, even though mum dad stop us from doing so. my cousin is not paying herway, bichari has no money-oh well she has enough to get over here to uk and whatnot. so parents paying for her....
and yes theres 911 for emergencies-whats ur point...? i guess il tell my brother to move out once hes married and not bother looking after our parents cos theres always 911.....
i would love to see ur post once ur brother gets married n move out to live with his wife's parents.
Re: what to do over univited long staying guest...
i would love to see ur post once ur brother gets married n move out to live with his wife's parents.
lol.
my husbands parents are in pak.
and secondly- we are NOT living here permanently, maybe naother 6 months min....either way, i wouldnt have a issue if the cousin was a nice person, shes a gossip, she talks about us behind our bansk to her family in pak, shes caused enough trouble in pak, and she keeps asking my husband to drop her here and there.because bichari doesnt know london well enough, when my whole fmaily can take here, but she wants my husband to take her, luckily he put her in her place, but still shes out to cause trouble.