What Should She Do?

Lifestyle Relationships
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Re: What Should She Do?

The girl wish to bring in her uncle (brother of her dad) to solve this matter but she afraid if all goes against her than there is no hope for her

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i agree, when both sets of parents are happy, get along and give their blessing then the couple is happy too. bollywood estyle love marriages rarely work in real life. people need to stay practical and keep emotion, "loooove" out of it. unless the boy is somebody that the family knows from a really long time it's just too much of a gamble marrying their daughter off to some guy she thinks she's in love with.

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:k: 100% agreed… i wonder how long this ‘love’ lasts after people get married…:rolleyes:

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oh but since they've already come to the stage of being attached to each other and think they are in love, it would be hard for them to cut off that attachment to each other and go their separate ways. i would feel bad for the guy her parents would marry her off to after breaking this off.

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where does it say this?

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Nisha! This ain't some sort of novel, BW style marriage or love affairs. Its a matter of two lifes which both r facing and suffering in like in hell as well as their's family members too.

and 4 ur second comments. they both knw this will gonna happen if they didn't get married nor they pleased that moment.

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Bro! fall in love, break relation get married n share ur wonders :slight_smile:

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i don't read no romance novels :P
yea, right, so do they care and respect each other, marriage is a big responsibility. going against our elders can make things very difficult. wouldn't it cause so many problems for them after marriage if the girl's parents don't love the son-in-law and he hates them too b/c they dislike him. they'll have grudges against each other and she'll be in the middle of all this.

her parents are only thinking of her happiness and think that this might not work out. if he really cares for her and can't imagine her being married to somebody else, he needs to somehow show her parents that he would never hurt her and will always take good care of her. i'm just wondering if there is anything he could do to get close to her parents or atleast one of her parents, whichever one seems less stubborn.

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She needs to take a chance and at least TRY to fight for her future.

Sorry...it was a typo. I meant NOT haram.

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oh acha acha :)

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well if they're so emotionally attached to each other i hope the girl doesn't take any drastic steps if the parents are stubborn about it. one of my aunts committed suicide b/c her father was so stubborn about her marrying a guy that was from the same religion, spoke the same language, was wonderful in every way but her father wanted her to marry somebody that was only of his choice.

the father regretted what he did after her death b/c she was his only daughter and loved her dearly.

they need to refuse to marry anybody at all or do you think her parents would actually force her to marry one her cousins? does that happen even nowadays

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now i am not mentally incapacitated yet....so yeah...can't do that...

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This may sound silly, but what would happen if the guy's family were to show up at the girl's house? If the guy's family calls em up....the girl's father can shoot em down by saying that his daughter will only marry a cousin....and that doesn't allow them a chance to meet one another. But IF they were to show up (without calling).......would the girl's family kick em out? It's hard for me to imagine that happening. Most people are conscious of their manners/reputation...and allow the guests in to their homes (even if they don't like them). It's a risk, I know. It could either end up in them not being welcomed at all......OR......it could even lead to them meeting and interacting with one another. The girl's parents might like his family.......they may not.........both families may not like each other. Anything can happen. Don't know if this would result in the girl getting into more trouble. It's a risk. Could the guy's dad meet her dad somewhere? I think the phone will cut things short....whereas an actual meeting (if it can be arranged somehow) gives more hope. A spontaneous meeting may be better. A meeting where one party is informed that the other is visiting or wants to visit....can be turned down.

Hopefully, the dad hasn't already picked a cousin out and started the "talk" with the cousin's parents etc. If it's already gotten to that stage....and the girl has absolutely no desire to marry ANY cousin at all....then she needs to talk to her parents calmly.....if that don't work.......talk to an elder who has some power/influence and can reason with her parents........if that don't work......talk to the cousin in question and let em know you're not into this. Why mess with someone else's (cousin) life as well?

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^ this would make things worse....the girl's parents might kick the boys parent out.....may be act disrespectful or something......so it couldn't help...

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I know it's a risk...I never said it wasn't. I mentioned that such a consequence (as you've mentioned above) can result. But it can also go the other way. The reason I say this is because people act differently on the phone than they do in person. Some people believe that mehmaans (even if you're not crazy about em) should be treated respectfully. Again, I know it's a risk. But talking on the phone.....doesn't give one an idea of how the other person is like. Meeting in person gives a better impression.

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Thank you all 4 ur valuable comments :). I'm waiting if that girl wanna add/response to ur comment(s) (if any). will get back 2 u soon.

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Here are the replies and I quote:

How boy’s family gonna meet girl's family as well he'll gonna call her parents? Girl’s mom know everything but she didn’t said to her husband nor to others member of the family or maybe she already discussed with every1 in family but didn't informed the girl that whats in their mind. If boy’s family directly contact with parents of the girls or pay visit then obviously the answers will be 'NO'. Secondly, what if girls parents simply refuse either by saying that she’s already engaged or else, than the boy’s family can’t persuade.

She need some kind of solution/idea where her parents won’t refuse the proposal of boy’s family.

@NomiCA ! Her family is educated family. They won’t gonna kick or act disrespectful. They can simply refuse simply in peaceful manner and if so then this could make things more worse for both b’coz once rejected boy’s parents won’t come again.

@redvelvet She’s not engaged with her cousin nor anybody in her family talked to the girl or her cousin in this matter. Actually her dad told to the boy they’ll gonna marry her daughter in family with cousin.

She’s doesn’t like her cousin b’coz he had many affairs with others girls and she don’t want to end up herself with some flirty guy. Her dad aware from his attitude but still prefer to marry her daughter with him b’coz he’s belongs to his family.

@Nisha25 she'll do the same indeed....... she the only daughter too..... if her parents stubborn then she's too.

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That's not a bad idea at all. My friend's brother had a similar problem, he met his wife at university and his family was willing to accept the choice, the girl's family on the other hand was being stubborn over caste issues, they were karachi based. Her parents were willing to forcibly marry her off to some cousin so the girl got her chacha involved. This guy knew that his brother would never agree to the marriage so he brought the girl and asked my friend's brother to marry her. They married without her family's consent, the guy didn't tell his own family about it either because they would've stopped him from taking that step. Anyway once these guys were married the girl's family had no choice but to accept the marriage, the guy's parents were obviously shocked but after living separately for a while the couple is now living as a joint family. Almost ten years on and they have three kids and as happy as they could be. This story is obviously about a drastic measure that not many people risk but the point is it can be a good idea to involve the girl's uncle, he'll know what to do.

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:hmmm: thanx 4 ya input rizal

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if the girl has spoken to her mum many times to no avail then why doesnt she try and speak to her dad? she should also keep repeating to her parents that shes not happy with marryinyg elsewhere and forcing a daughter into marriage is unislamic.