My mom and i have been having loads of fights and i don’t know what do you. I just feel so hurt.
My MIL to be asked me if i wanted a new set or if i wanted to wear an old set of hers. she sent me a pic of it and i loved it. Even thou it wasn’t what i had imagined i would wear to my wedding, i still liked it a lot and i said i would be happy to wear it.. I looked like one of the jewelry M_was_here posted of her mothers. And since i loved them i was very happy about it.
However, lately, my mom has been making alot of issue about the fact that my MIL isn’t giving me a new set and thinks it’s cheap. She made me a new set for the wedding and feels that they should too.. My mom is giving me a small set that was her own, and says that these sets are for memory and it’s not for you to wear at your wedding, where you should wear something new.. My MIL is giving me two of her own sets, they both are pretty big, almost double the size than the one my mom made for my valima. (which doesn’t bother me cause i wanted something small for the valima.)
I have been telling my mom that i really like the set they are giving me but she still keeps bringing it up and points out whenever she can that can call them cheap (including my husband-to-be) and what not. I feel very hurt and i’ve cried so many times. I don’t know what to do..
gold is gold man... in teh end you ARE getting a gold set.. the in laws HAVE given out gold thus used money (though it may not be bought recently it DOES still have value)
this is how mom's mess up the daughters mindset and pit them against the in laws .. tsk tsk
stay smart and tell mommy she is being highly rude.
on the other hand... only time will tell if mil to be is cheap or not... as the preps get further ahead and teh wedding nearer.
My mom and i have been having loads of fights and i don't know what do you. I just feel so hurt.
My MIL to be asked me if i wanted a new set or if i wanted to wear an old set of hers. she sent me a pic of it and i loved it. Even thou it wasn't what i had imagined i would wear to my wedding, i still liked it a lot and i said i would be happy to wear it.. I looked like one of the jewelry M_was_here posted of her mothers. And since i loved them i was very happy about it.
However, lately, my mom has been making alot of issue about the fact that my MIL isn't giving me a new set and thinks it's cheap. She made me a new set for the wedding and feels that they should too.. My mom is giving me a small set that was her own, and says that these sets are for memory and it's not for you to wear at your wedding, where you should wear something new.. My MIL is giving me two of her own sets, they both are pretty big, almost double the size than the one my mom made for my valima. (which doesn't bother me cause i wanted something small for the valima.)
I have been telling my mom that i really like the set they are giving me but she still keeps bringing it up and points out whenever she can that can call them cheap (including my husband-to-be) and what not. I feel very hurt and i've cried so many times. I don't know what to do..
To be completely honest, nothing you say or do can change the judgement of others when it comes to family n inlaws. Stay quiet, the issue will blow over and before you know it youll be married n wont evn think twice about the issue.
Dont get on anyones bad side or go back on your decision, as it will reflect badly on ur character. This too shall pass...
Thats right. I think you're lucky MA as you'll get to wear heirlooms and IA for your coming generations. Dont worry about your Mom. All mothers are same. Giving daughters in someone else's hands isnt that easy. IA once you'll be married and happy with in laws only then your mom's mind can be changed. Also if your MIL is making nice walima outfit and Bari for you then you can tell your mom that it isnt about spending money on new Gold set, ur MIL wanted you to wear the jewellary what she wore on her barat... use some emotional or sentimental dialogues girl... ;)
I'm very sorry to say but your mom's attitude is not going to have a positive impact on your marriage IF you continue to give her opportunities to make negative comments. It's best to not argue with her because after all it's your mother but rather, tune her out AFTER letting her know that any future negativity will not be tolerated.
My MIL would say something very similar to her daughters and in fact, she did! Even in front of me! Well right now, one of my SIL's is divorced, my BIL is divorced (becasue no woamn is good enough for her sons), and seems like my other SIL is at the brink of a separartion and then some how things go back to normal for her (thank god). Needless to say, I stay FAR away from her. And thank fully I have an amzaing husband who understands his motehr better than me and tunes her out whernever she tries to make negative comments. In fact he has even told her that she is heading down a very dangerous path (by feeding him negativity about me) and that she should learn from the mistakes she has made in the past :-)
This issue about the sets being old is just the beginning. I hope you will continue to be wise and kep your mother OUT of your married life. Do this by not talking to her about the details of your marriage and the decisions you make with your husband.
thank you! i was a mess when i posted this and i kinda feel bad now.. :(
the thing is i think my mom is angry at my in-laws because they said that i couldn't wear a gold plated set to the valima. Which really shouldn't bother my mom as she gave my older sister gold set.. Anyway, i will try to stay away from problems like this as they only cause problems for me..
as for someone that asked about my barri, my MIL is making my valima and mehndi jora.. they are both from Zainab Sajid and i got to chose them myself. She showed me a dress she's made for my barri and it was lovely.
InshAllah, once i'm married my mom will feel much better. I think she's just stressed about the wedding, cause she really isn't like this. Infact, my mom is always telling people how wrong it is to act this way.
If it doesn't bother you, don't let your mom make it an issue for you. Just try to ignore her. I know it's hard. Personally I think an heirloom set is lovely.
Your mom is probably just worried for you. Weddings are stressful and she just wants the best for you. Obv not showing it in the best way but keep calm and be patient with her. Shel be fine after the weddings over and normality sets in.