I feel really sorry for you This sounds like an awful experience to have gone through. I think you're still emotionally attached to the first guy but you know*** the way he treated you just wasn't right. And if his family don't like you, your married life is bound to be difficult as well, and you don't have your mother for support anymore.***
As always I'd advise you pray istikharah and ask God for guidance. But from what you've written I think the first guy isn't the one you should go for.
there lies a point. i dont think i need to do istekhara now, everything is crystal clear
Sorry to read about you losing your mother. May Allah give her maghfarat and grant her high place in Jannat. Ameen.
Answer to your relationship question:
You love him alright , does he love you, what has he done to prove that ? Nothing , zilch , nada ,zero , cipher .
Nothing in your story tells me that he has ever done anything nice to prove his love for you.
He has used your love for him as a boomerang , he goes away on an adventure when that adventure fails or is over he comes back to your tavern of love to seek solace from one failed adventure to another.
Move on and stop dreaming of a life with this adventurer. **Once the honey moon is over he will go on an adventure , when you are pregnant with his kid he will start another adventure , when you will be in hospital he will be climbing mount Everest and every time he will have perfect story and a perfect excuse. **
Wake up ,open your eyes and smell the coffee the sweet dream is over.
Ameen, May Allah rest her in peace.
you are right, his is not the person who deserves to be loved. i did the biggest mistake of my life to do so... :S
He wasted 5 years of the life without being able to prove anything
When his mother didnt visit, that was the first hint you should have taken that the family isnt happy with it. The sisters weird moods should have clarified it more.
The guy vanishes --- this for me would have put an end a long time ago, no reason unless something big can make some one back out ... only if he was convinced what his mum and sisters were saying was right or he was just a plain coward!
He returns after months, after years .. he is taking you as a troll, treat as he may want to. Since you keep on forgiving him he keeps on taking advantage
He did not even call you on your mother's death. That's it! Close the chapter and never ever face him again.
To me the first guy is a loser, freak, coward, idiot .. blah blah (if only i wasn't fasting i may have continued). He doesn't deserve any sympathy. Give the second guy a chance he may be much better, Insha Allah.
^ yeah daffy, you and everyone on here are right, em gonna close that chapter..but not that quickly, i will let him wait for me, as he did to me, he wants to meet me, but i will keep him hanging as he let me, and am never gonna forgive him in my life, thats for sure
Listen sweety i am not gona repeat what everyone else have said. I think you yourself know that first guy isn't worth your single thought.
What i wana say is about your post above. Keeping him hanging and waiting means nothing. cut him out of your life. It shouldn't matter to you if he is waiting for you or not. In fact its gonna make it harder for you to move on if you keep playing games with him plus you dont want to be like him. Be a better person and leave him alone and let Allah take care of it. Allah says in Quran: He knows the treachery of your eyes and all that your heart conceals. My honest advice to you is to forget him and let Allah be the judge.
You should consider the other guy but please make sure you dont make decision emotionally. keep your emotions away for a while till you understand this 2nd guy and make a wise decision. :) Good Luck with everything.
I am glad you are on the same page as everyone on this thread is. May Allah give you peace and solace and make rest of your life free of tests and turmoils. Ameen.
As I was in depression of my mom and him, I started making frnds to forget my past and luckily I found someone who really cares for me, also have proposed me, pretty decent guy. N I was thinking abt him aswell seriously
so when you are you going to marry new guy.
IMHO, you should forget first guy. He is not the guy who could hold you in difficult times.
After they came, he didn’t talk to me, didn’t even reply me and went to UK again and disappeared. I kept on calling, mailing, texting him, but he didn’t replied. After 3 months he called me and said his parents are not agreed and creating fuss but he is trying to sort out.** Then again he went disappeared for a yr and didn’t contact me. **
You have been so thru much and seen how he treated you, esp when you needed him most..
Also I don't think if he really liked you he'd be able to go a year without speaking to you, no matter how scared or worried or whatever he was. A decent guy would have at least tried to contact you, I think it's more likely he was seeing someone else during that time..
I don't think you should marry someone else whilst he in still in your head tho, when the right person comes along (inshAllah) you should naturally be able to forget about him or at least only have him in the back in the mind and let go of all those feelings..
he wasnt dr for u when u really needed him..nd he also didnt care about ur mom..so tht means tht he didnt really respect u..i mean a person who really loves you shuld also respect the ppl who u luv..! secondly often it says tht u really knw how a person is when u r in trouble or hv bad tyms..nd in this case he wsnt dr for u..thirdly i dnt think tht he is really mature..bcuz he cums in ur lyf when he want to nd then suddenly dissepear if he wnt..wht is tht??!! it sounds lyk he's jst doing wht he want to by ignorin ur emotions....to b honest his behaviour is unacceptable..wuld never giv him a second chance...
Thats true, i have no more feelings left for him the way he has been treating to me since long. he is a player only, used to say a lot he can do for his love, but no guts, more over no guts to face neither his family, not me..... left me alone in hard times to keep himself safer, how mean and selfish.
CUT OFF! No other solution
You will never get the answer you need from him ever!
He is a coward and vengeance will never work on him
As harsh as this sounds he has probably got a few other girls in his head and some for of backup so he might call you when he is a little bored and the best answer you can give him is silence
by making the first guy wait around what will you prove? I would honestly leave it upto Allah! Let Allah do the insaaf, you've already put up with enough of the guys cheapness.
I would start to focus on the 2nd guy and make sure that you don't let your past effect what could potentially be your future! I know it sucks and I know it hurts but then again whats the use? When you were in soo much pain, distress and depression where was his love then? Don't let someone who hasn't ever shown you how much you really are worth, take that away from you. Its not worth it and even though its the hardest thing to let someone go, sometimes its the best decision you can make! You'll be thanking Allah you did what you did later on insha'Allah!!
