Hello,
Iam in a very confused state so please help me out.
My parents received a proposal for me from my cousin.Everyone in my family likes me since they say he is a good,kind-hearted guy,etc.But,actually i don’t feel any attraction towards him.After i hear good,good things about him,i feel yes okay he may be okay,but later,i start feeling that he is not the right one for me because i feel i may not be happy with him as he isn’t the type of guy i want.Now,iam confused whether to say no to the proposal or not,as i feel,it’s the right age for me to get married,and if i decline him,i may not be able to find anyone else,as my parents aren’t looking for anyone else other than him for me.So they want me to give a reply for the proposal by tomorrow,but iam really confused..Please help me out as of what should i be doing?
Re: What should I be doing ?
write down what you want..and then match ...
or the other way.
talk talk talk.. !
Re: What should I be doing ?
hmm... if da guy ve all da qualities of being a hubby nd u r at da right age thn saying no doesnt make any sense to me . i dnt thnk parents can think any thng wrong for us. they r more mature thn us . if his looks making a problem to u thn alwayz remember onr thing itz da only nature that lasts. if ur yes makes happy to ur parents thn our ALLAH also commands u . may u make right decision.
Jesus
there is a difference between shaadi and launching a space shuttle.
Whats with timing and all that?????
naheen dil kerta to mat karo... dosra larka mil jaey ga
Re: What should I be doing ?
Get to know him and then decide if u guys have chemistry or not. Its a big decision and I highly doubt your parents will stop looking for u if u say no to this guy. At the end of the day u have to live thru ur marriage so make sure u make the right choice.
Hello, Iam in a very confused state so please help me out. My parents received a proposal for me from my cousin.Everyone in my family likes me since they say he is a good,kind-hearted guy,etc.But,actually i don't feel any attraction towards him.After i hear good,good things about him,i feel yes okay he may be okay,but later,i start feeling that he is not the right one for me because i feel i may not be happy with him as he isn't the type of guy i want.Now,iam confused whether to say no to the proposal or not,as i feel,it's the right age for me to get married,and if i decline him,i may not be able to find anyone else,as my parents aren't looking for anyone else other than him for me.So they want me to give a reply for the proposal by tomorrow,but iam really confused..Please help me out as of what should i be doing?
WF,
If you decline the rishta..........and if you stand firmly behind your decision.......then your parents will have NO other option but to look for **SOMEONE ELSE **for you (unless they're the kind to force decisions upon you).
^Do you see what I"m saying? Right now you think that they will NEVER look for anyone else. But that's a rather extreme thought. They WILL HAVE TO look for "SOMEONE ELSE" if you refuse the rishta and don't budge from your decision.
^^^^^^^SO...IF you're a 100% sure that you don't want to marry him, then respectfully discuss this with your parents.
************IF you're not 100% sure about your cousin, then there's no harm in getting to know him. Perhaps you might like him better in person. You can tell your parents the truth. Tell them *"I've heard he's a nice guy and I'm not saying he isn't. But you're my parents and I feel that you've raised me to open and honest with you. I personally don't feel attracted toward him and I don't think he's compatible to me. I know that you both really like him and I'm willing to get to meet him and get to know him.....before making a final decision. Although, there's a chance that my decision may be a NO."
^**They might think it's "fair enough" for you to get to spend some time with him before making a decision. I understand that it can be an uncomfortable state to be in. And I think that most parents.....even if they get angry......even if they engage is a bit of emotional blackmail/pressure........will not disown you for rejecting a rishta. Eventually the anger will fade and they will come around, and things will fall into place. Best wishes.
Re: What should I be doing ?
Sometimes when we are not physically attracted to someone...its their personality that makes us want them. But in this scenario, it seems like you dont even know him.
My first suggestion is to get to know him. If that is not possible, decline the rishta firmly.
As much as we like to believe that attraction and chemistry develops after marriage...it seldom does for our generation. If it does, its an exception. Its not the rule.
:k:
Obviously you don’t have much time. But see if you can meet the cousin once more before you have to make your decision. Talk to him openly about how you’re confused… you think he’s a great guy, but you don’t know if he’s what you’re looking for. Ask him why he wants to marry you, what kind of a girl he was looking for. Figure out what kind of a guy you want to be with, what matters to you- is it the personality? the job? location? etc. See if he fits your expectations, and if he doesn’t meet all of them, is that something you can easily compromise on? If you are not able to meet him since you have to give an answer the next day, then explain to your parents that you need to meet him again to be sure of your decision.
Also, since you’re confused, consider praying istakhara. You can tell your parents that too, that you think it’s best to pray istakhara for guidance. I don’t think that’s something they’ll object to.
yea the best thing to do is to get to know him a little bit better b4 you make any decisions......personally for me my parents waited until we went to visit my cousins so i got to talk to my fiance for a good couple of weeks and really get to know him as i didn't really talk to him before that of course at that time i didn't know that his parents had proposed for me so that made the talking a little easier and i've been married now for almost 2 yrs..........but since you haven't gotten that chance talk to your parents about how you feel i'm sure they will understand.........just remember in the end that it is you that is going to marrying this guy and unless in your heart you feel 100% about it you should not commit to anything
Re: What should I be doing ?
Definitely go for it. Best things are the ones that you least expect.
Re: What should I be doing ?
Agree a bit with swtangel. I also was going to tell you that go in to a marriage or any kind of relationship 100%. Don't be regretting it later on. Agar dil nahi manta then no one is forcing you. However, it seems you are on a doraha right now. Decisions decisions but you don't know what to do. One side are your feelings, and you and the other side are your parents and your cousin. You must be feeling obliged that they are your parents so they must think best for me and on the other hand you are like feeling a bit pressurised also because you think you are not attracted to him.
Think it through, and firstly please tell your parents to remove that time limit for your decision. It's a matter of life. Shaadi is not a game. Decision making is hard and that is a very short period of time for you to decide. I suggest like people have been telling you that you actually get to know the guy and even if then also his personality does not attract you then re-evaluate things and maybe say no but DO GIVE THE DUDE A CHANCE.
and if i decline him,i may not be able to find anyone else,as my parents aren't looking for anyone else other than him for me.
^ Never settle for a guy, for the reason you just gave.
and
Like someone else said, you should get to know him a little more, see what he's really like.
Isn’t it recommended in our society that by the time a girl reaches the age of 23-24,she should be married off? :aq:
Re: What should I be doing ?
I think if he can protect you then he is good . Yup physical attraction is a must but I think it might come with time .
Re: What should I be doing ?
Why do you have to give a response within a day?
You should get to know the guy a little first before passing judgement because you are not attracted to him. Give him a chance, you might just like him.
But don't marry him for the sake of it - just because you say no to him it doesn't mean your lifes over or that you won't find another rishta.