Your friend is committing an obviuos mistake, and you know it, whole world knows it. But he fails to realize it. What are you supposed to do? On one hand, you are not supposed to cross certain limits but you also cannot see him do that. How far should you go to stop him?
And yes the whole ‘his happiness’ thing is an issue too!!
What makes you think you are right and he is wrong? Sometimes there is more thrill in making mistakes than not making them at all.
Its not just me.. every person he talks to says the same. Obviusly there are facts to back our stance but...
Well i agree with that 'making mistake' part though !!
ure his friend,
ppl keep friends for a reason, and if it werent for my friends i wouldve made a lot more mistakes than i intended to
stop him (whatever it is hes doing) and let him ponder over it in a year or two
Give him sound and honest advice and let me take it from there..
You can lead a horse to water but you cant make it drink
If you know for sure that this person is headed down the wrong path and you standby saying "You can lead a horse to water....." then how good a friend are you?
My best friend is one that flatly tells me when I am wrong and lets me know in no uncertain terms the consequences of what I am contemplating doing. And those consequences don't only involve me.....but her too. She bluntly tells me that if I chose the wrong path, she will not walk it with me.
Muz baji your right its a friends duty to this.. but my personal expierence is that at the time the friend doesnt want to hear of it and thinks that your in it to make them look like a fool and later the realize that your intentions were real.
I know a person who is divorcing her hubby (nikkah) for another guy. Her husband is a wonderufl person and the only reason she's doing this is for money and she feels all of a sudden that the hubby isnt right for her..
so I told her the truth about what I think and that this isnt right.. we dont talk anymore..
another friend puts on and off her hijab... told her that she should make a decision either way.. we dont talk anymore..
Im tired of loosing otherwise nice people..
Being blunt with "friends" takes away something from your friendship. You can only get away with it, if you have invested in the relationship much more heavily.
Think of it this way. A friend you have grown up with and are very comfortable around and know that he generally has the right opinion comes to you and says "I think your lipstick is not going really well with your dress".. you'll probably say "oh really... hmmm, lets see what else do we have here". On the other hand, if a person you have met yesterday comes to you and says "dude, your shoes suck", you'll most likely say "bugger off!"
This is probably an extreme example, but the point is you have to establish your credibility first so your friend knows where you are coming from. If you manage to blown them off, it may mean you have jumped the gun or they are just not worth the hassle.
If you’re a true friend, don’t allow your buddy to make a mistake that you yourself wouldn’t go so far as to make. If you chime in with your friend’s tune and act like the typical Yes Boss, you will not only lose credibility in your friend’s and your own eyes but if things get out of hand by this person making this grave mistake, you will feel guilty yourself for a very long time. Therefore, stay safe and stop this chain of somber consequences before they even start.
Muniya,
I understand what you are saying....it's painful to lose friends. Frankly though, if you stand your ground on matters of morality and principle, you will become a much more valuable person to those that really and truly consider you a friend, rather than those looking for someone to "chime in".
I've come across a lot of people (many recently), that overlook a person's immorality simply because they enjoy the company and take the attitude of "Who cares what he/she does in their personal life....as long as they are cool with me." What goes around comes around so someday when these folks are on the receiving end of someone's abuse it may occur to them that they should have intervened.
I've known a few folks that have gone astray despite objections from their close friends, learned their lessons from the school of hard knocks and then come back to admit that their friends were right. Unfortunately, many innocent ones were hurt in the process.
Be honest and SAVE HIM!!! He'll come to his senses and realize that you've done him a favor if its that severe. Hey, that's what friends are for.
hmmm
saby it really depends...on what ur friend is doing, ur relationship with him, what his personality is like, what ur personality is like, how close u guys r...
etc...
every situation calls for a unique solution...do what u feel is right...good luck
Faisal-- I agree with your notion. It comes down to the fact how much your opinion value in front of a particular person. But you cant know whats inside a person's heart. You can think that yes your opinion does count and it actually does but to what extent, that will be judged by that particular person. But it poses another question, for example i know that my opinion will count but in the end that particular person doesnt accept your version, that can piss me off, right? it wont matter to me personally but can matter for some.
Muniya-- Your friend is not a horse, right? I mean you cant expect yourself to opt for an attitude 'okay i did my bit, now its upto him'? or can you? In your later post, you were spot onm because sometimes it hurts really bad to see your friends compelting such acts ..
Muzna-- The definition of best friend you said is perfect. But we dont realize it these days. We get offended instantly when some of our friends criticzes us and we label them 'patronizing'. I agree with certain personal bondaries and every person has them and you shouldnt cross them in normal issues but in some important issues you have to risk your friendship and be out with the truth.. right? i think so..
saby,
Good attitude. I applaud your approach and wish you luck in your efforts to save a soul.
At the very least, Allah will reward you for your sincere and good intentions.
Muniya, in both of your cases, I wouldn't have said anything. If someone is like that or does those things, it's a clear signal for me to start moving away. I would only say something like that to people that I know to have good moral character. Friendship is a bond of trust, if they cannot show me that they have enough character for me to put trust into them, there's no point for me to around them. But that's just me, and I applaud the compassionate ones and their efforts to right all wrongs.
saby, make sure you're right. 'Cause that's what it'll come down to, if you can prove you're right or not. If in the perspective or opinion of your friend, they're completely right, try to find out why they think that. Also make sure it's not just your opinion or based too heavily on opinion. That happened to me once, I was on the receiving end of it. Someone said something to me about my personality, a good friend, I'd thought till then. They said it frankly, as we both like to discuss these things, but what he said was so heavily opinionated and based on only what he thought (he coulnd't get anyone else to back him up), that now I don't consider him much of a person or much of a friend. So, be careful and good luck.
I believe in being honest..........true friends are honest and look out for their friends best interest. You can't just go along with the rest of the crowd and pat him on the back if he is doing something wrong. A good friend doesn't enable but is supportive. Tell him what u think, advise him but in the end it will be his decision.
u should always speak ur mind... therez times when "haq kee baat" is the best thing to say no matter what the outcome might be u cant just stand by and watch ur friend make a big mistake.... isnt friendship supposed 2 be based on trust and honesty?
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*Originally posted by original desi: *
u should always speak ur mind... therez times when "haq kee baat" is the best thing to say no matter what the outcome might be u cant just stand by and watch ur friend make a big mistake.... isnt friendship supposed 2 be based on trust and honesty?
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what seems to be a BIG MISTAKE to u though might not be something big or even a mistake for your friend. won't this mean then that you are imposing yourself on your friend?
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*Originally posted by RT Wolf: *
Muniya, in both of your cases, I wouldn't have said anything. If someone is like that or does those things, it's a clear signal for me to start moving away. I would only say something like that to people that I know to have good moral character. Friendship is a bond of trust, if they cannot show me that they have enough character for me to put trust into them, there's no point for me to around them. But that's just me, and I applaud the compassionate ones and their efforts to right all wrongs.
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ADvise taken :)
But we were friends for 18 years.. its hard.
thanks for all the comments guys.
RT Wolf-- Yes i am pretty sure i m right. Like i said its not just my opinion. He just keep turning a blind eye, and his reasons i know. Pretty annoying and baseless too. Thanks though
irem-- imposing yourself on your friend is an issue alright but stopping your friend from 'Big mistake' is more important. And there are only two options, either its a fatal mistake or its the best thign he can do. But like i said i have reasons and he knwos everyone who has such reasons is right but DUH!!
Muniya-- i know how you feel but aik relation bannay main years lagtay hain aur tootnay min seconds .. it always have been like that and always will be.