How much of a choice does a girl has or should have in the selection of her dresses for the Shadi and Valima. I have seen that in majority of the punjabi and non punjabi families, the girls side tend to make the dress for the first day and the guys side prepares for the other day…
Its not something thats new or could be considered as a new trend but has been going on for ages. My mom some 30 yrs back got this right, my aunts and over the years I have seen my cousins, friends and acquaintances deciding abt that ensemble.
Even if both the dresses are from the inlaws, in most of the instances the girls choice of colors is known before embarking upon this task of ordering the dress thats worth over hundred thousand rupees (at times..). Infact it has become an acceptable trend where the girl does the shopping with her inlaws.
Now, my question is. Isn’t it a girls right to select atleast the dress for one of the days. Okey, she isn’t given that right, fine. But isn’t it her right to tell the other ppl or to be asked about the color she likes and the ones she abhors. No? fine.. Don’t you think that atleast she should be told the colors atleast if she is not entitled to have a say in any thing.
What do you guys have to say abt that? I’ll appreciate the replies from your side…
Without going into generalities, in almost all cases, my wife included, the dresses for all functions were made with the help of the bride. In some cases, the dulha's mother just paid for the dress, but it was dulhan's side which got those made, and that is exactly for the reason "ke larki apni marzi ka banwa le".
So, I would think it should be a given, unless ofcourse either set of parents are totally stubborn on this issue and want their "marzi" on the dress of the bride "because they are paying for it". Lame.
Goodness Gracious me. And I was worried about girl's marzi in deciding for her hubby. Losty, are you serious?. Is this even a point to discuss as to who will pick the bride's dress?. It should ONLY be the bride's call. Unbelievable. No wonder our people are suffering all over the world.
If the in-laws are putting their foot down in such a manner now, just imagine how it would be after marriage. I say dump thier sorry asses.
Well yes, this question was asked 'coz this actually happened where the girl had the audacity to ask her inlaws abt the dress color. Such ignorant ppl they are, they snubbed her saying that ‘they haven’t seen this happening in PAkistan’, lol.
To make matters worse, they went at lenght saying that her focus should be her future home, she should learn cooking and ways to win her husbands heart. ( Now, that girl isnt formally engaged so there was no way to talk like that, still she is very much well versed in cooking and household stuff)
So as yet, the lady isn’t a mother in law in the correct sense of the word .****** ******and hence does not have any right to give any sort of instructions to the girl. That shld be her parents prerogative, I guess.
Ofcourse the girl should have say in what she wears on both days. It is completely unfair for the in-laws or anyone else to impose their choice on the bride just because they are paying for it. I would hate to wear something I didn't like the looks of or even the colour of. If you are spedning so much money on it you might aswell have something that the bride will wear happily and feel good about herself.
On similar lines I hate it when family members from either side jump in when it comes to naming a newly born child! My mum tells that our phupho actually got offended when we didn't pick the name she suggested for my brother! Lady if you liked it so much why didn't you pick it for one of your own sons!!! I suppose her inlaws forced their choices when it was her turn and she was trying to get her wish fulfilled through my brother. That is just insane!
Faisal bhai, what i meant was that there was no exchange of rings what soever, hence no formal engagement. Under these circustances to refer to that guy as ‘her husband and that she should put her energies in winning his heart rather than taking interest in any other thing that concerns her.’ I believe that was one chance in that girls case whereby she would have finally generated some interest in her life by showing some interest in the dresses;jeez they blew it off, they made a mess..
My point was that, was it too much to ask for such a thing which is clearly ones right. According to some people it doesn’t suit a girl of her calibre( ) to even fret abt such ‘petty’ things. Does that mean that educated girls amd guys should keep quiet at all the injustices just 'coz they are assumed to be more ‘mature, decent, blah blah..’ In my view if a person, irrespective of gender is conscious of his/her surroundings, of himself than he should also be conscious about what is right and whats wrond,what to accept and what to reject…
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*Originally posted by funguy: *
If the in-laws are putting their foot down in such a manner now, just imagine how it would be after marriage. I say dump thier sorry asses.
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hehe, yeah not a bad suggestion. However, from what I know the girl doesn't have much choice as she is in her late twenties and not good looking at all, so I guess she is already under immense pressure.
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*Originally posted by Faisal: *
Unfortunately it seems, the lady has bigger problems to deal with than the color of the dress.
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exactly:(
abhee se ye sab ho rha hae toh aagay kya ho ga.. usually ppl tend to be nice to each other abt these things and very accommodating…
can’t the elders talk and reach some kind of compromise, i’m sure there’s some dress out there that both sides will like…
waisay lost soul sis, in my family too, two of my cousins got dresses from their susraals like a week before the wedding and they didn’t like them at all…the color and the style n stuff…even the fittting was terrible…so they got the fitting altered but they were stuck with wearing those dresses kyun ke ab kya ho sakta tha…if they said anything bara masla khara ho jata toh aapas mein ghar mein sabhon ne mil ke khoob rola paya aur dil ki bharaas nilaal le ke kaisay dresses aa gayay hayn susraal se but dint convey that to the sysraal…then they just wore the dresses at the wedding and it was ok…i mean they r mashallah happily married now…
i guess shaadi compromise ka naam hae, and for them the compromise started right then because they had to wear a dress they dint like…and it is unfortunate but true ke hamari society mein compromise larki ko hi kerna parta hae
i can totally understand what you are saying losty..in my relatives..both the dresses comes from susral...and believe it or not..lot of times..larkiyoon ki koi say nahin hoti in most of the things..ghar kay baray kehtay hain..jo aai pehen lo..there's so much pressure and larai jhagray..choti choti batoon par lagta hay mahaz e jung shuru ho jaay ga..
one of my cousin phupho got this wedding suit..that she hated..so she got her own thing..but after the wedding..for so many years she kept on hearing tanay tishnay...
hey its simple, both sides either do their own or one anothers. People tend to make issues of small stuff like this. Some families have their pwn traditions, whether one agrees with them or not. I would suggest that if the family traditions and thinking is that far apart then its probably not a good match to begin with.
i am really sorry to hear that girls are not even given a chance to choose their own wedding dress in many cases. i think the saas behave in such a ways as they were not given the choice themselves so they do the same to their daughters in laws, but maybe they dont know that the girl wants to have her own choice. i think the girl should let them know what she wants, maybe they will be happy of the help. anyway that girl should not worry so much about this matter however important this might be, in the end she might get a dress she likes, it takes time to get yourself respect in your new home, sometimes u give and sometimes u get.
but i have to say that in my case, i did not ask for it but my mother in law took me and my husband shopping. i wasnt sure about the colour so my husband decided for me and i got to decide for him. it was really cool as i wasnt expecting this from her :D she really is sweet.
) to even fret abt such ‘petty’ things. Does that mean that educated girls amd guys should keep quiet at all the injustices just 'coz they are assumed to be more ‘mature, decent, blah blah..’ In my view if a person, irrespective of gender is conscious of his/her surroundings, of himself than he should also be conscious about what is right and whats wrond,what to accept and what to reject…
Fungie, we are assuming a lot of things here.