I hope this is the right place to post my dilemma in. I am having a lot of issues with my life right now and specifically on making crucial decisions on the path I want to take. Recently I realized that I have been outcast and isolated by my friends and family for past misdeeds and actions I did and although I have attempted to move on and forget those times since it happened so long ago the past seems to haunt me and my reputation seems to hinder on those actions. I have not lived up to the promise of myself, rather, I have wasted my life and have gotten into various personal issues that have just affected my life and family more. The only course of action I see best in order for my mind to flourish and restart is to move far away. I have tried to reconcile with the fact that you should not run away from your problems but my problems are so monumental that without starting fresh somewhere far I cannot succeed. In this age of the internet and the ‘six degrees of separation’ it is unknowingly true that I will be judged for my past misdeeds by someone who will find out. It is not like I killed someone or did some horrific crime against humanity but in the eyes of the community and some members of my family I am probably the lowest of the low since I never really showed my full potential.
My question is this…If you had so many people from your past talk down about you, ruin your reputation and even moving away and starting fresh did not work, would it not be wise to move further away and start fresh since the fact that your past will always haunt you in the general ‘area’ you live in? Or, if you were to face your issues, how do you do it when everyone you encounter is against you and judges you? What do you need to show people that you have changed and for them not to judge you before they meet you?
Very sorry you are going through this. But believe it, you arent alone in such circumstances. There are many out there struggling to come out of this black hole that our society imposes on us in terms of our any acts in the past. Its very easy for them to gossip around, judge, chuckle and make it the talk of town in wutever the way possible. BUT, its all upto us how we shrug it off and make our way towards a better future.
Two things to keep in mind:
We all make mistakes. Nobody is an angel.
A past is a past. Its gone. Finish. Poof.
Now either we say Adios and move forward for a better future or we keep the negative cloud of our past intact in our mind to keep us haunted forever. Ofcourse the choice is clear. You have to keep marching forward and push the past away. Its not like the past will be flushed out of your mind just like that. Ofcourse there’ll be traces of flashbacks. But you gotto be stronger enough to say i’m better than this and ive eyes on the bigger picture and prize.
As for community or society, they are always happy to see you lose. But you are better and stronger than them to show that they need to eff off your way and you’ll reach whatever the aim you have in mind.
Good luck. Be strong. And believe that you can totally do it.
Well I haven’t been in this situation before but if u have allot of toxic people in your life it is best to move away from them or just not think about them as much. Its also not healthy for your body to be in a state of chronic stress as it makes you more susceptible to diseases, increases blood pressure, risk of diabetes, etc. If moving away is an option then you should do it. It’s too bad Desi people are very judgmental and would seldom look for the good in people. If moving away is not an option than I suggest you don’t associate any negative thoughts with these people. After all, it is your life to live and when you allow a thought or people’s words to affect you negatively, than you are just giving them power and control over your life.
Lostone1, moving away is a good option but remember even if you move across the world and still carry guilt and your past, you will not be able to really move on. Before you proceed, make a mental decision to let go of everything. It seems to me, not just people around you but you are also being harsh on yourself for not reaching your full potential. We all make mistakes in life but being constantly reminded of those mistakes while you are trying to improve is like stones being thrown at you. What people think of you does not matter, what defines you is how you think of yourself. With that in mind, yes, a fresh start seems like the best option.
If you have sincerely changed yourself and ways, sooner or latter people will start to take notice. Hang on there and do your thing, life is too short to think what people think or talk about you.
If you think your career or reputation is at stake, or you believe you are unable to repair old or develop new relationships, than you can decide to move away, but remember, people who love you will do so irrespective of what you did in the past, and people who hate will continue to hate you even if you become a priest in the future.
“Jis ne ulti seedhi baatain karni hain, us ne karni hain. Aap jo marzi karlo.”
My point is: Those people who are saying bad things about you will mostly say bad things about you regardless of what you do. And you will encounter that kind of people again, if you move elsewhere. I obviously don’t know what you have done and you don’t have to share it. But if you have changed your ways, let the people see it. Don’t shove it in their face, but let them just witness your transformation themselves. There will be some who understand and those are the ones you should hang on to. And there will be the ones who the Urdu sentence above applies to. You don’t need those kind of people in your life.
As long as you have acknowledged your short comings, forgave yourself and have a positive outlook for the future to improve yourself everyday you can achieve anything! Don’t look at the time you have lost, look at all the years you have in front of you to create a better life.
You know, I was watching a video and the topic was on motivation and learning to pick yourself up in difficult times and the speaker said this…" if someone else was in your shoes, they could have taken the situation you are in and would win". It is about taking the hand you have been dealt with and win, as you do in a game of cards.
I know external factors such as relationships of family, friends and surroundings play a huge role in your well being but no matter how far you move away if you are not at peace with yourself and your heart still has doubts and fear, you will not be happy no matter where you are. So forgive yourself. You did the best you could with what you knew at the time. As far as people are concerned, let them be. They have as much control over your life as you let them.
Last night was tough. Obviously I am letting people get the best of me. I could not sleep, had an extreme fever and sweats. I just kept thinking of all the issues I have in my life and I totally understand everyone has issues in their respective lives but it really seems I am in the lowest of the lows; I have an issue with every aspect of my life, whether it be marital, social, financial and health. I do not have anything going good for me and I know there are definitely people below me who are in fact suffering more. I realized that you can run away from your problems but like the last Illuminate stated, I won’t be able to fully move on until I have basically conquered my issues. I realized that I need to conquer my current situation, show people I have changed and then move on from my current predicament. It won’t be easy but nothing in life is. I keep telling myself that I won’t get to repeat my life, I only live once, whatever people want to say, let them. I am bigger than that and its not like I killed someone or committed some sick crime; I just made a few bad social decisions but it is nothing to bash me over and it happened a while ago. I want to achieve success and I am not that old. I was destined for success, we all are, but I think the ones that don’t make it can not blame others. If you have the ability and resources you have no excuse and that is the mindset I am going with in this long and tedious process.
Thank you all for your insights. I wish you all the best in your own personal endeavors.
My friend, you need to understand you cant change your past to make your present better.The best way is to accept your past open heartedly and leave it where it is supposed to be. Your past mistakes were the most precise moves you ever moved, they were the only or best way to move in that situation.
Time changes people, sometimes acceptable sometimes not!By the way try to spend time in what makes your soul content.
Moving away and starting fresh would be ideal but if you can’t then just separate yourself from the people who make you feel like ****.
Be serious and work on yourself. Go back to school, get a job, get a haircut do something. Start fresh!!! Time will tell, one day you see the people who hurt you most and you will feel so damn good that your in a better position than ever.
