is it better to refuse to do something you dont want to do, based on principle or just something you think you wouldnt want, to keep your dignity, personality independence alive? or is it better to do those things, compromise to make your partner happy.
im not talking murder/converting to buddism/anything stupid.
im talking of mundane even normal things, for eg.
Husband wants wife to wear something in particulaur-skirt/dress/hijab/scarf/salwar kamiz and no english clothes/or eng clothes no salwar kamiz etc…she is the oppsitea and doesnt want to…
Wife wants husband to take a certain job/wear certain clothes/dress certain way/have a certain haircut/anything like this, husband doesnt want to.
how do you get around these things that are not really a bigg issue, but can be made into one if one party is stubborn.
if you have an otherwise perfect partner, someone loving caring and loyal, these things surely shouldnt be a big deal should they?
i know of people who ask their partners what shall i do for you…
i then think of myself and think id never be this way, i cant happily do anything for my husband, not talking about cooking, im talking about other things. if he asks me to do soemthing, i always think is it cos im a woman or how dare someone tell me what to do, evne my dad doesnt tell me what to do,these are the things that come into my head i never think ok my husband s asking something, we are married and hes a good man, i love him, he loves me, so il do it…i never ever think this.
Re: what lengths would you go to, to make your marriage work.
I understand what you mean and it honestly depend on a person and the person who is asking.
Lets say A husband ask his wife to wear hijab and the wife doesn't want to. Well, one of them has to compromise in order for the relationship to work. Either the husband need to realize that its the wife choice or the wife has to follow the husband wishes in order to make the relationship work.
This is just an small example, in life we come across many things where our partner will feel or think different because they are a different person.
So, to answer your question, it depends If the wife feels that she is compromising on many things and the husband is not willing to compromise then the wife has to make a decision about the relationship. However, if the husband also compromises and he is asking for something thats not too drastic then why not.
Nowadays women are insecure about losing their independence or becoming the only one compromising So, when the husband even mentions something that threatens it they get all worked up about it and say things like you mentioned "my dad never told me what to do" and such.
Sometimes you need to step put of the picture and look beyond small things.
Re: what lengths would you go to, to make your marriage work.
i don't mind compromising on small things, he doesn't either.
there are some things you just cannot compromise on though: your blood family, your religion. no one should expect or ask to compromise in these areas.
Re: what lengths would you go to, to make your marriage work.
Why are these things not discussed before agreeing to get married? If it's clothing in particular...i don't see how that can't be brought up when you're getting to know someone.
In your case, Nadz, your husband is your cousin.....you guys had plenty of interactions in England before you agreed to marry him. You knew that he was more religious and conservative and he was aware that you don't do hijab...how you generally dress...and that you don't like being told what to do. If these things were and are such a big deal/headache......then why get married?
^Now, if you're going to say that these issues were not a big deal for you compared to his personality/character.......then treat them as such. Yes, you compromise, but one shouldn't lose their individuality in the process. Why don't you just talk to your husband and work out a balance.
Re: what lengths would you go to, to make your marriage work.
im not talking about me in particular, just wanted a general outlook.
in terms of my own issue, well he hasnt said anything since we had an issue over it, the head cover thingy, i didnt and i said i didnt want to, we had a row things got heated, then we calmed down and he hasnt told me about it since, not sure if my pregnancy coinciding is a reason, he hasnt tried to raise it, however he did say he wont mention it again, he was also the first to say sorry that day, because i had enough of his telling me to wear it, so i told my mum, my mums religious as well, and although she understood my point, she did say hes otherwise a good husband, he c ares,he does everything for u, he also compromised for you, and this duppata thing is a small issue...but for me, it was a major issue. anyway case resolved at the time. lets see after delivery if he brings it up again, although im adamant as long as im living in the uk i wont w ear it, ( in pak, maybe i would, as everyone does there in peshawar)
Re: what lengths would you go to, to make your marriage work.
hmmmm i don think he got wrong with wanting u to wear hijab,but again no one can force it but i a girl do not cover her self the punishments are on following men that are her brother,father,husband.
i was so like u not to wear hijab bcoz i dont want to but latter on i did researches and stuff and come to know y i have to and y my hubby was asking me for.
but again sis it ur personal choice...
Re: what lengths would you go to, to make your marriage work.
about the clothes thing, does he expect a permanent change or what?
a few months back we went out for a movie/dinner etc, and he wanted me to wear a particular outfit cz he liked it.....I didn't want to but I wore it anyway and his happiness was much more important to me than me being "individual." WIth that said, if I'm going out alone or meeting friends, I do wear whatever I want to.....
If it had been a year prioer I probably would have argued about it and worn what I wanted to... its a small thing but marriage isn't only big major stuff...its small, everyday incidents as well
Re: what lengths would you go to, to make your marriage work.
im not talking about me in particular, just wanted a general outlook.
in terms of my own issue, well he hasnt said anything since we had an issue over it, the head cover thingy, i didnt and i said i didnt want to, we had a row things got heated, then we calmed down and he hasnt told me about it since, not sure if my pregnancy coinciding is a reason, he hasnt tried to raise it, however he did say he wont mention it again, he was also the first to say sorry that day, because i had enough of his telling me to wear it, so i told my mum, my mums religious as well, and although she understood my point, she did say hes otherwise a good husband, he c ares,he does everything for u, he also compromised for you, and this duppata thing is a small issue...but for me, it was a major issue. anyway case resolved at the time. lets see after delivery if he brings it up again,** although im adamant as long as im living in the uk i wont w ear it, ( in pak, maybe i would, as everyone does there in peshawar) **
Re: what lengths would you go to, to make your marriage work.
if he was a goodhearted, kind, decent guy that respected me and cared for me, then i would wear whatever he thinks looks good on me, those are such tiny things compared to some major stuff that some women have gone through in a relationship.
i wouldn't sweat the small stuff if we're in love and respect each other then really it wouldn't take so much away from me if i did that for him.
i would do anything to make it work but it can't all be one sided caring,compromise
Re: what lengths would you go to, to make your marriage work.
jeez, its not comparable...whats the matter with u guys, i meant if he asked me to commit murder, or convert, of course thats somehting you never ever do.....i was talking about the little things...bloody hell.everything needs to be explained a million times here, its obvious what i meant.