My friend’s husband is keeping a steady connection with his girlfriend while his wife is a couple months pregnant. She’s been told about this before but continues to pretend it’s over with him and his gf.
I would never personally kick his behind but feel helpless in this scenario.
What species of human is this guy? Is monogamy asking a lot from a guy in general? Are they incapable of understanding the concept? I’ve tried to explain it to him a couple times but I feel like some people’s brains are just wired differently.
You know how people with Aspergers are wired differently from regular brains.
Is there a more complicated answer than the fact that he gets to be with 2 women…? Refer to the thread on why Pakistani society doesn’t embrace the multiple wives concept.
Sometimes you don’t want that. You want someone to be exclusive to you as you are with them. And this lady is having a baby. She probably doesn’t have time to go find a side dish. She’s probably having mood swings and hot flashes.
Fitoor, if your friend is okay pretending things are fine then it shouldn’t matter to you other than the fact that what is happening is wrong. You’ve even tried explaining that to him and if he’s not understanding then there’s nothing you can do.
I don’t think monogamy is asking for a lot. There are tons of married men who are married to one woman without anything going on the side. It’s because she is all he needs and what they have is not worth risking for what can be. Also, this guy is having his way because she knows yet isn’t doing anything about it. Guys or anyone in general will get away with things you let them get away with.
Did the husband ask you for your opinion? Did the wife ask you to explain anything to her husband? If your friend is choosing to ignore her husband’s behavior out of her own free will, then what gives you the right to interfere in their marriage?
Honestly, I didn’t tell her that he’s still going after this other woman because of the whole pregnancy thing.
I really can’t say how his wife found out the first time but she doesn’t even have a green card and came to the country just 2 yrs back. The way she found out was because of the other woman not because of me.
Out of the 4 couples I know 3 out of 4 have issues with the men being faithful. The question about men and fidelity is mainly one I’m wondering about for myself.
Umm it’s not really a revenge issue and yes it is their issue to resolve but she’s pregnant with his child so I’m just in my own mind trying to think how he could do this when she’s about to have his baby in a few months. Does he not have a conscience. When he’s being unfaithful, he doesn’t think about what his wife is going through or how he’s screwing up this other woman’s life by not leaving her alone to move on. It just baffles me because 1 couple out of the 4 I know just makes me think why would anybody take such a huge risk with their heart if they absolutely don’t need to be in a relationship. Especially when trust, faithfulness, and honesty are like the most important commandments
of a good relationship.
It’d be great to get a guy’s perspective on this and on why men do stuff like this and because I’m not one I can only try taking a stab at it.
I do think he realizes and most guys do know that trust, faithfulness and honesty are important parts of a good relationship but he’s getting ALL that from not one but two women. So, who’s winning in this scenario? If these women truly valued these aspects of a relationship they would demonstrate that through their behaviour. Because they don’t value it, nor does he. Simple as that.
Neither of these women are getting faithfulness, trust and honesty and they’re still with him. He has nothing to lose and no consequences. So it doesn’t make sense on why he wouldn’t still continue with this lifestyle.
Maybe the culture and upbringing, none of my brothers ever thought about cheating and I wouldn’t do it in a million years, the most valuable thing in life is the pure unadulterated love of your family. He will never receive the deepest and passionate love from either ladies and a douche like that is never respected by the kids also. Our family dentist Dr, Davinder does not talk to his father on account of the way he treated his mother. I just spent the most wonderful evening with my boy who is now my best friend. I would never have been able to sit in front of him man to man if I hadn’t loved and respected his mother. Even at a tender age, I have put values in him to be committed to his girlfriend. None of my nephews or my wifes nephews wouldn’t do it either. Our next door neighbors have two very young babies and the husband is so gentle, kind and caring towards the children and looks at his beautiful Chinese wife so lovingly. Little Jack walks around with his dad while he works in the yard. Don’t let these douches jade your opinion of men in general, we think of these kinds of men as douches.
You can get a guy’s perspective on this but none of those perspectives will justify infidelity.
If you did not want to marry a girl from Pakistan and you were pressured to do so by parents…that is not a good enough reason. You stand your ground and do the right thing as opposed to ruining so many lives.
If you know for a fact that your parents won’t accept a girl because she’s from a different culture/religion/whatever…and you also know that that you don’t have the balls to marry her…then don’t make her your girlfriend in the first place.
If you have lost attraction for your wife, if you have a troubled marriage…then you do everything in your power to make it work…and if things aren’t improving …or if you are wholeheartedly done with the marriage…then you need to officially end the marriage…before finding yourself a girlfriend. Go about things the right way and it’ll maintain your dignity.
So, again, getting that male perspective won’t justify such actions. If a guy has no qualms about toying with the life of someone’s daughter…then why would his conscience care about OWN unborn child? When you screw with 2 people…why would an unborn child stop you? And there is not shortage of men who see their multiple bachay running around in front of them…and even that’s not enough to deter them. They’re the kind of people that put themselves and their base desires above everything; they have khauf of nothing.
I’m yet to find anything concrete in this thread as to what kind of contact the husband has with his ex. May be its just very casual that he realizes his wife can understand. And may be she does understand it and have a trust on her husband and vice versa. Its the other people who are making more gossips jumping to conclusion that he is actually “cheating” and what kind of species he is.
Having an ex doesnt make a person an automatic enemy. It can go on as a very healthy friendship.
Sid, I know both the other woman and his wife, it isn’t anything casual or platonic with the other woman. It’s not necessary for me supply any other info because like you said it’s not valid to my main question and would end up just being gossipy which is not my intention nor is it to be in their business.
But fitoor, knowing is not enough. We know the closest person we live with and we have no idea whats going on in their mind. So how can you suspect that if the gf is in contact with her ex, thats gotto be something flirty or affair or similar?
When two people are in relationship, very often they get good chemistry going. They start understanding each other’s issues and suggest the solutions and yaadi yada yada. Now if that relationship is over, many people get disconnected for good but some do switch the mode to friendship and stay connected to help each other. Its not a sexual affair anymore. Its two adults who know each other for too long deciding to stay connected. Thats all.
Now if you say its purely a sexual relationship, its an entire separate story and I’ll be with you but do you have enough to claim that?
I know both women really well. Trust me, I do know it’s not platonic. It would take me paragraphs to explain the whole triangle, sordid situation and the personalities.
His wife has no choice. The other woman’s eventually called the police on him and he’s been booked (he was handcuffed and taken to the police station) I think that’s what you call it. She’s even threatened him by saying she’ll buy a gun and shoot him the next he comes near her. So no neither of the women is allowing it.
It all seems like some Humtv soap opera doesn’t it…lol. Again, he still does not understand what anyone says.
Morality is not everyone’s cup of tea.
The two other couple’s are separated because one wife caught her husband with another woman and with the second couple the husband ended up eventually ending up with his mistress.
Is it the times we live in or am I the only one surrounded by couples like this?
