what is wrong with me ? (if u think this is some kind of joke then refrain from read

Society Religion & Philosophy
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i am 35 yrs old lady.i have been married for 11 yrs and have 2 kids.lately since the past few yrs I’m experiencing some kind of transition in myself.
my background is that i had always been that chic , extremely fashionable person who always died for jewels ,branded clothes, always the follower of movie stars,could not go out if my shoes did not match my dress,my wedding was totally choreographed…most expensive designer hired etc etc
lately i have been hearing junaid jamsheds bayans(he used to perform at kinnird college a concert and i was a die hard fan of him)since he left music …just to hear his melodious voice i started listening to his naats,then taking one step ahead the quran.
whats gone wrong is that i have no desire left for this world… i hate ostentatioun,women running after brands,lavish wedding and i hate it when i see people so much fascinated for money and running after money.i feel i want nothing in this world.sometimes there r times that if i feel that something is a luxury to me y don’t i give it to someone for whom this might be a necessity.
BUTTTTTTT the ques is that many people around me think i have gone insane ,they say u r going through depression…insan ko apni zaat sey bhi pyar karna chahiye…bure waqt kay liye joro…yeh tumhe kia ho gia hai
i have literally stopped socialising with people as they always call money making success and they think im a loser aur yeh mehnat se bachne ka bahana ha aur main bahut unprogressive hu
friends what would u call this depression ya khuda ne mera dil badal dia ha

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Re: what is wrong with me ? (if u think this is some kind of joke then refrain from

you are experiencing faith

unfortunately our community lost its way abit so its a little isolating

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Re: what is wrong with me ? (if u think this is some kind of joke then refrain from

Sounds more like hidayat to me.

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Re: what is wrong with me ? (if u think this is some kind of joke then refrain from

well I hope this happens to me too!

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Re: what is wrong with me ? (if u think this is some kind of joke then refrain from

The scenario you mentioned simply means you have been unstable before and maybe irrational in your act now..despite having a very inquisitive mind.

Islam does not want people to give away money without having financial sense and only asks people 2.5% of leftover money as charity. Anything beyond is not necessary but is allowed.

*Being selfish is an evil act but even being irrationally selfless is not such a great virtue.
*

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Re: what is wrong with me ? (if u think this is some kind of joke then refrain from

Peace tigerlilly

Abū Hurayrah (ra) relates that The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “Islam began strange, and it will become strange again just like it was at the beginning, so blessed are the strangers.” Sahīh Muslim]

:)

When they say ... "insan ko apni zaat sey bhi pyar karna chahiye" they are infact appealing to a certain kind of person ... I have to question the part in red ... "The fact that you have no desire left for this world" Do you think that is wrong? Because I think it is quite amazing ... However, what are your drivers for it to be that way? Is the naat direction of Junaid Jamshed just a way for you to deal with an early midlife crisis or is it a real and healthy conscious effort to "leave the dunya"? Is this new behaviour consequential/accidental or intentional and controlled?

Because if it was consequential/accidental then may be you are "hiding" another issue - inside yourself and that needs to be resolved ... but if it is because you really want to do this and it makes you feel right then that is a different issue. You should have been able to answer the remark ... ".insan ko apni zaat sey bhi pyar karna chahiye" really easily ... saying "Mein apni zaat sey bohat pyar karti houn, isi liye aisee bangaee houn" or some other remark ...

I have seen people (especially women) who have taken the spiritual path in life and been happy and I have seen others who seem to have taken a spiritual path but are hiding some issues in that form. You should ask yourself which are you ... If you find you are truly making a spiritual transition then you should occupy yourself with many things ... Not least the following:

Islam is pure and clean and desires cleanliness - do not sacrifice your elegance, good decent clothes, even if they are expensive as long as they make you appear authoritative and in command, grand but not arrogant ... This will help others look up to you as a role model.

When in the company of other women speak well and be fun, remember Allah (SWT) where needed and cater for people serving them ... you can even tell them to help and they will listen.

Wear a smile and make it genuine ... love yourself by feeling that you are earning blessings by helping others ... spend on yourself and be happy to receive gifts and dwell in the dunya to increase your impact on others ...

Conjugal relations with husband should remain good - this will increase your state of happiness and at least demonstrate to yourself that you are still fine and there is no underlying issue.

If you can find similar minded people - may be another friend who is going through a similar transition ... and create something new from this new life ... but always be aware that you might indeed be doing something that is masking a problem ... And I suggest you deal with that problem ... Oh, yes and stay healthy ... eat good foods and do your exercise ... these things will prolong your youthfulness ... but they also directly make you conform to a hadith in the Hakim collection.

When you are ready if you have not done so - Go to Hajj or Umrah (That is also spending on yourself - right?)

May Allah (SWT) facilitate your good intentions ... Ameen. :)

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Re: what is wrong with me ? (if u think this is some kind of joke then refrain from

Peace diwana bro

I do feel that being totally selfless is a virtue, but I feel as a person reaches those states they need to have secured their motives ... Are they being selfless or self-inflicting? In which case I agree ... There is no virtue in damaging oneself into a stupor under the guise of becoming "anti-dunya" ... unless they are teaching themselves how to "abandon love for the dunya" ... and they stop doing that when they have mastered the intent.

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Re: what is wrong with me ? (if u think this is some kind of joke then refrain from

Another point ... My Shaykh says we should pray for the dunya to enter our hands and not our hearts ... This means we can dwell in dunya, purchase and sell, but to become attached to it is wrong ... By extension it is not wrong to spend on yourself ... but where the need arises it is good to just give it away without a second thought - if you can.

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Re: what is wrong with me ? (if u think this is some kind of joke then refrain from

well thanky psyah when u said it could b masking a problem yes i have seen a rough tide but still dont know whether this path is cause of that or just change in myself
it is just that nothing attracts me i can never go shopping and say wow..... whatever i buy is the stuff that is out of necessity not that it tempted me contrary to my earlier personality....
i used to find sexy clothes very attractive now even if i find someone else wearing sleeveless i find it actually ugly
all the time whatever i do at the back of my mind i say what will allah think?.... how can i please him ?how can i b near him? but the sad part is im not near him he still has kept me at a distance i wonder when i will b special in his eyes
if there is anyone out there also feeling the same plz contact me psya who is ur sheikh and what is the purpose of a sheikh

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Re: what is wrong with me ? (if u think this is some kind of joke then refrain from

Peace tigerlilly

I can say nothing about how you are feeling ... but I only have your words to go by ... It appears to me that although you have taken this step ... from the words you are using and the concern it is giving you - enough to start a thread on it - seems that "you are doing what you think is right - but you are finding it difficult and somewhat of a 'grey' experience ... If this is the case then you need to find more than obedience in your life ... You need to work towards finding contentment with Allah (SWT) and bring on a persona of tranquility ... This change should not be a burden on you ...

A Shaykh is a guide who can help with your spiritual journey ... It appears you are making steps to refine your "actions" but if the heart is not tempered with the right fortifications then it is hard to sustain such a lifestyle. I can PM you inshaAllah, if you wish for further details on this matter ...

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Re: what is wrong with me ? (if u think this is some kind of joke then refrain from

Dear tigerlilly, you are not alone who is feeling down there are millions of people if not billions in the word who feel the same. What you are saying about yourself is sign of depression. nearly half of europe goes through it and more of that takes place in the rest of the world.

The question is why it happens? It happens because just as we have physical strength so we have mental strength up to a certain level. When we are under stress and pressure and threshold is reached the strength gives way to weakness ie we no longer can handle this pressure. Life as we know is a very difficult thing to go through because humans are not very strong to begin with and need a lot of love, care and respect from each other. People who form a bond with each other on this basis have better chance because they distribute life pressure between themselves but people who are cut off from each other fall apart at first hurdle.

Due to negative competition based mindset and attitude we let ourselves down very badly. We try to put down anyone else thinking we are better than anybody else. There comes a time when we feel bad about all this when we are no longer better than others ie our strength is gone and we need others but we have driven them away and now we cannot go back to them due to feeling ashamed. The social break down among humans has serious consequences because humans are emotional animals and if they do not keep connection with others sensibly then it becomes a problem.

If you read my posts and you have the ability to understand them then you will realise very soon how wrongly we humans are living our lives and thereby we are draining our strengths ignorantly and deliberately. Had our parents educated themselves better and passed on right way of dealing with life issues then this need not to happen.

If you look at youtube videos see how many people go to wrong people for solutions of their problems expecting wrong things of them. If you want a better life find some people who look at life the right way. Through their help you can bounce back. The best guidance is from the quran only but the quran needs to be understood properly so that it makes you a reliable person upon which others could depend. This is what Allah wants us to be ie live for each other not for putting each other down. That is way of kufaar not muslimeen.

When you help others and they help you, there is no more win and lose situation but win win situation. I will advise that you listen to darse quran by allaama ghulam ahmed parwez if you can understand urdu and once you understand the concept of islam he is telling us then listen to others like dr israr ahmed, tariq jamil, dr tahir qadri, dr ghulam hassan adeel, javed ghamdi etc. You will come to your own conclusion as to what is true concept of islam and once you know it then you are bound to come out of depression. It is because you will have discovered by then the wrong steps that you have taken that brought you where you are and by knowing how to start again you will find the balance way of life. This is what repentance and reform is all about in quranic context. It is like you start out a journey without having right goal in your mind and then you just bounce from place to place knowing not what you are doing and why. You walk that way for as long as you can then start worrying where you are really heading when time has passed and you become a bit tired and you are nowhere. That is when you look for some goal or destination and start all over again.

Don't worry at all just get on with finding out the answers you are looking for by studying the world in which we live and the quran. Very soon it all will start making sense. Listen to junaid jamshed singing maulana altaaf hussain haali's analysis of ummah.

regards and all the best.

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Re: what is wrong with me ? (if u think this is some kind of joke then refrain from

I think you are saying being selfless is good but with cautious not to hurt self-being. Agreed there.

That is a what I said in other way.

I said being "irrationally" selfless is not a virtue. :)

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Re: what is wrong with me ? (if u think this is some kind of joke then refrain from

OP has shown one extreme to other. Not really a good thing in my humble opinion.

Perhaps some rethinking is needed and some outward activity should be exercised by OP. Not to say get back to previous lifestyle but have a reality based thinking.

Reading and listening too much religious lectures makes people sad and depressed. Just listen to different lectures of goodness in religion also.
**

Fear Allah but at the same time trust Allah. Keep the balance.**

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Re: what is wrong with me ? (if u think this is some kind of joke then refrain from

Peace Diwana bro

Yes, I just wanted to include the praiseworthiness of the state of jihad ... Where often it is indeed about selflessness to a state of irrational extent. Perhaps it is when a foreseeable greater good is present ... Like in the case of the Boy and the King, in the account of the People of the Ditch when he told the King how he can be killed ... He did so by effectively giving dawah that Allah (SWT) is the true God. Also, the famous couple Sahabis who only had enough food for their kids, a guest of the prophet Muhammad (SAW) was sent to their house and they sent their own kids to bed hungry and gave their food to the guest ... Earning their mention in the Qur'an. It is a level of 'Iman that drives that state and such people are not disturbed in their selflessness ... They doing it without a thought. However, it is clear that such a drastic change in lavishness and fuelling the ego to all of sudden depriving the ego too quickly can have adverse affects ... So we are in agreement.