Hey everyone. I need a bit of insight into a situation and was hoping I could get some help.
One of my closest friends is 23. She’s MA beautiful (when I say beautiful, I mean BEAUTIFUL…this girl turns heads even when she walks out in daggy clothes and no makeup), very well educated and is working as a lawyer at a top firm. She’s well-mannered, innocent, polite. Basically everything good (no i’m not being biased here). Now the problem is that for some unexplainable reasons she’s not getting any rishtas. She doesn’t want to get married in Pakistan and yes it is harder here because many families prefer to get their sons married in Pak…but that doesn’t mean that EVERYONE is doing this. It seems to be affecting her in a very negative way. She constantly looks sad, depressed and unsure of herself when previously this was an extremely confident girl. I hate seeing her in this way because I know that there is a time for everything and for her it WILL happen…but how to convey this to her? I have tried and tried in as many possible ways as I know how but she seems to be getting more down as each day progresses even though her family has only been looking for rishtas for a few months. Her eyes always look huge and sad to me and it appears as if she’s even struggling to smile! The situation is serious…and i’m afraid she’ll hit serious depression mode. She already seems to have forgotten every other success she’s achieved in her life and instead feels like she’s getting old etc etc (this could have something to do with the vast amount of girls here getting engaged at 19/20 but they are to guys in Pak so if she doesn’t want to marry a guy from there..then she needs to WAIT)..
What can I do? Also…I am truly confused as to why she isn’t getting any rishtas?..It doesn’t make sense.
**normally, she would receive innumerable rishtas. is it possible that she refused rishtas that came to her earlier and declined for no good reasons other than waiting for the better one? what happens sometimes in our society is that they stop sending rishtas to someone they know will turn it down. the fear of being rejected is enormous.
i would suggest that she may start looking for herself and go to places where she would meet potential rishtas.**
That's the confusing part- she never got any rishtas... :s Her family has encouraged her to find someone on her own but she's only ever come across arrogant player types and unfortunately has had her heart broken a few times. She is therefore scared of that as she doesn't trust her own judgment.
That's the confusing part- she never got any rishtas... :s Her family has encouraged her to find someone on her own but she's only ever come across arrogant player types and unfortunately has had her heart broken a few times. She is therefore scared of that as she doesn't trust her own judgment.
oh oh...May Allah find her a good match...aameen. there is a time for everything and may be her time to get married hasn't arrived...may be just around the corner...she is ONLY 23...she is NOT missing the boat by any chance. these days, girls get married as late as late twenties or even in early thirties..so, no worries! :)
Tell her to calm down and relax. The world isn't going to end if she doesn't find anyone right now! It's hard to find a rishta these days, especially for girls and it doesn't hurt if you have to wait years because she is only 23 right now and once she is older she will be more mature and wise.
**uffff:smack: girls depressed coz they aint getting married then girlz depressed coz they aint getting their hubby’s attention or MIL problems..insan kisi haal mai khush nahi **
Princess tell her that getting worried like this wont bring any rishta its only gonna add stress and more stress to her. tell her to read namaz and pray to god and have faith in god...inshallah very soon she will have a nice rishta. ameen sum ameen
also if no rishtas are coming for her then why dont her parents approach people...(i believe she lives in UK) there are urdu newspapers in uk with zaroorat-e-rishta section where a lot of families are looking for girls born and brought up here. this way she wont be making a decision on her won her family will be involved (as you said she doesnot want to trust her own judgement)
There has to better communication bridge for perspective Girls' and Guys parents to come together in North America. With massive immigration of Pakistanis in North America, our respective families should come together to fill this gap. We have so many amazing people that can be together for the betterment of community. Makes me wonder how social or open our families are to meet other families and not be reserved. "Rishta aunty in the community" are not working somehow maybe because people are concerned and may be people drawn into negatives more than positives. My reasoning is not selfish above, but rather it makes me think what kind of chaos is this?. Rishtas just don't fall out of the sky if the parents are looking for their son or daughter. Their need to be another medium.
Hey everyone. I need a bit of insight into a situation and was hoping I could get some help.
One of my closest friends is 23. She's MA beautiful (when I say beautiful, I mean BEAUTIFUL...this girl turns heads even when she walks out in daggy clothes and no makeup), very well educated and is working as a lawyer at a top firm. She's well-mannered, innocent, polite. Basically everything good (no i'm not being biased here). Now the problem is that for some unexplainable reasons she's not getting any rishtas. She doesn't want to get married in Pakistan and yes it is harder here because many families prefer to get their sons married in Pak...but that doesn't mean that EVERYONE is doing this. It seems to be affecting her in a very negative way. She constantly looks sad, depressed and unsure of herself when previously this was an extremely confident girl. I hate seeing her in this way because I know that there is a time for everything and for her it WILL happen...but how to convey this to her? I have tried and tried in as many possible ways as I know how but she seems to be getting more down as each day progresses even though her family has only been looking for rishtas for a few months. Her eyes always look huge and sad to me and it appears as if she's even struggling to smile! The situation is serious...and i'm afraid she'll hit serious depression mode. She already seems to have forgotten every other success she's achieved in her life and instead feels like she's getting old etc etc (this could have something to do with the vast amount of girls here getting engaged at 19/20 but they are to guys in Pak so if she doesn't want to marry a guy from there..then she needs to WAIT)..
What can I do? Also...I am truly confused as to why she isn't getting any rishtas?..It doesn't make sense.
I have heard there are a number of rishta aunties working in USA, especially in Houston. You can try to get their contacts and pass on to your friends parents. I have also heard from people here on GS about ISNA matrimonial event which is held in USA to help the people with rishtas. Besides, try to look in your circle if someone is looking for a girl and you can refer the proposal to your friend. Discuss with your friend's parents if they would be willing to sponsor the guy from Pakistan to US and they can thus get an idea to look for good educated matches from Pakistan willing to settle aborad (although might not be desired by many girls' families. The matrimonial web sites and newspaper advertisements can also be considered (but the chances of having bad experiecnes are many when using these sources, but there can be genuine people out there. No harm in trying if done carefully).
She is only 23. Why the heck is she depressed? She should enjoy her free days maximum because after marriage she will be making all sorts of complaints from her married life.
Allah ki marzi hai bhayee. When its written, it will happen. She is just 23. Ask her to chill a bit and seek some counselling. Maybe that will help her too.
I miss your blogs where you are so gorgeous that everybody wants to marry you and all the aunties want you to marry their sons, and you are like so annoyed over being so gorgeous. Please write more often : (
Ok now that’s harsh. Yes she’s 23 and shouldnt loose her sleep over her marriage BUT if she is bit worried it doesnt mean she need counselling:halo:. It’s the society to blame who think an 18/19 yr old should be married if not have 2-3 kids too :o.