{This was taken from Ending Domestic Violence in Muslim Families, an article by SHARIFA ALKHATEEB}
What is the Islamic Stance on Violence Against Women?
Under no circumstances is violence against women encouraged or allowed. The holy Qur’an contains tens of verses extolling good treatment of women. Several specifically enjoin kindness to women (2:229-237; 4:19; 4:25). These verses make it clear that the relationship between men and women is to be one of kindness, mutual respect, and caring. Some verses, where Allah calls men and women “protecting friends of one another,” refer to the mandated atmosphere of mutual kindness and mercy in the marital home (30:21; 9:71). Others show disapproval of oppression or ill treatment of women. Surah two, ayah 231 condemns taking women back after a separation in order to hurt them; Surah four, ayah 15 specifies taking an oath against a wife rather than doing violence to her if a husband suspects adultery; Surah four, ayah 19 prohibits forces marriages; Surah four, ayah 29 prohibits deliberately causing a wife suspense or insecurity; Surah five, ayah 92 removes the legal effect from oaths against wives made in anger; and Surah 17, ayat 90-91 require the fulfillment of oaths, verbal agreements, and commitments. Even in the case of divorce, spouses are instructed to bring an arbiter from each side of the family to attempt reconciliation (4:35). If this fails, the instruction is to get back together with dignity and fairness, or to part on good terms (2:229 and 231). Anyone who violates the limits set by Allah is labeled a “transgressor” in the Qur’an.
Added to these verses is the inescapable fact that the Prophet vehemently disapproved of men hitting their wives, and that he never in his entire life lit any woman or child. In the Prophet’s last sermon, he exhorted men to “be kind to women-you have rights over your wives, and they have rights over you.” He also said, “Treat your women well, and be kind to them, for they are your partners and committed helpers,” and at a different time, he said, “The strong man is not the one who can use the force of physical strength, but the one who controls his anger” (Bukhari).
Very important are those verses that give women the right to self-supervision. Surah five, ayah 44 instructs believers to, “Have no fear of people; fear Me.” Surah 33, ayah 35 promises heaven to men and women who individually guard their chastity (or modesty)."
In the abusive mindset, all of these verses and hadith are ignored, and males misquote two specific verses and one hadith to justify complete control of females. The worst interpretations go so far as t assert that a woman is mentally, emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually permanently disabled, and is prone to immorality, putting her in constant need of male supervision.
The most abused verse is ayah 34 of Surah four: “Men are the protectors and maintainers of women because Allah gave them more to the one than the other, and because they support them from their means. So devout women are extremely careful and attentive in guarding what cannot be seen in that which Allah is extremely careful and attentive in guarding. Concerning women whose rebellious (nushooz) you fear, admonish them, then refuse to share their beds, then hit them; but if they become obedient, no not seem means of annoyance against them. For Allah is Most High, Great.” This translation charges men with the task of financially and physically protecting and caring for their wives and families, since Allah has made men physically stronger than women, which is the interpretation of most scholars. Women, in return for that care, should be careful in guarding their fidelity and morality at all times when no one can see them in obedience to Allah. Instructions are then given regarding women who rebelliously ignore Allah’s commands about sexual fidelity and become sexually disloyal to their husbands.
The husband is instructed first to admonish his wife (talk to her), and then to refuse to share her bed. Should those measures fail, the last instruction is often translated as “hit her,” (or “lightly tap her,” when the sunnah of the Prophet is considered). Some translators assert that it is incorrect to translate the word “hit” at all, based on the Prophet’s lifelong abhorrence of hitting women, seen in his statement, “Never hit the handmaids of Allah” (found in the hadith collections of Abu Daud, Nasa’l, Ibn Hibban, and Bayhaqi), and in his instructions in his last sermon where he restrict striking to a light tap (ghayr muharrib - without causing pain) only if the wife has become guilty of nushooz, obvious immoral conduct. The term nushooz is applicable to men as well (4:128).
The wording of this verse emphasizes the woman’s obedience to Allah’s desires, and not to those of another human being, but those who misinterpret this verse would assign men the duty of being eternal surveillance police over their wives. This verse has been so misunderstood that it is not uncommon for husbands to prevent their wives from going to the corner store, to attend births, deaths, or marriages, to see doctors, seek education, or even to visit their parents without express permission. This verse has also been used to underpin the mistaken belief that the qawwama of men as protectors and maintainers of their wives not only implies unquestionable obedience to men as individuals but also that only men may lead women in any aspect of life whatsoever on any level. In short, this verse has been used as a tool of control and abuse completely opposed to the Islamic foundation of marriage and family.
Another misused verse is ayah 53 of Surah 33: “O you who believe, enter not the dwellings of the Prophet for a meal without waiting for the proper time…and when you ask of them (his wives) anything, ask of them from behind a curtain. That is purer for your hearts and their hearts…it is not for you to cause annoyance to the messenger of Allah, nor may you ever marry his wives after him. That in Allah’s sight would be an enormity.” The verse is obviously directed at Muslim men describing their property conduct only with the wives of the Prophet. It continues, however, to the main reason that some Muslims believe that men and women must be separate in all spaces, and an excuse for some men to claim that all public space belongs to men alone. This is erroneous. The instruction relates only to the wives of the Prophet, and to proper behavior in the Prophet’s house. Those who want to apply this verse to all Muslim women never assert that all Muslim women may not marry after the deaths of their husbands (although in practice, that is exactly what is expected of women in some Muslim societies according to their un-Islamic customs). Confining women to the kitchens of their houses during dinner parties, relegating women to back rooms with inadequate or absent audio hookup in most mosques, or worse, banning women from mosques, and bans by political authorities in some countries against women going to school, all come from warped interpretations of the previously mentioned verses.
A hadith often used in the control of women reads: “Women, when they travel a far distance, should have a muhrim with them.” At the time of the Prophet, traveling even 40 miles could be very dangerous since roads were full of bandits and law consisted of each tribe’s different rules and regulations. Rule of law that crossed tribal boundaries, and was consistent with a new concept in 7th century Arabia introduced by Islam. Today a women can travel halfway across the world by airplane in 19 hours, and remain safely among large groups of people at all times. Yet this hadith continues to be sued, even by a few Muslim leaders in large US cities, to prevent Muslim women from going from one city to another, from one part of the city to another, or from leaving the doorways of their apartments, alone.
The real question is, did the Prophet practice, encourage, or even condone surveillance and control behaviors towards women? He never did. Knowing this, it is up to each individual Muslim, as husband and wife, as extended family member, or as community member, to shape morally, ethically, psychologically, and physically sale and healthy society where families can raise happy and contributing members of society.
The full article,Ending Domestic Violence in Muslim Families, is available at:http://www.steppingtogether.org/article_02.html
“Indeed whosoever purifies himself shall achieve success, and remembers (glorifies) the name of his Lord and prays”
Quran 87:14-15